


Time Of Our Lives

by DirtyJDrDayTheToiletSister



Category: New Girl
Genre: Adulting, Almost 5 years later, Best Friends, Children, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, How I Imagine a New Girl Reunion series, Love, Married Life, Post Season 7
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyJDrDayTheToiletSister/pseuds/DirtyJDrDayTheToiletSister
Summary: Nicholas Miller has it all: a beautiful loving wife, two children, best friends who live close by, a whole bunch of nieces and nephews, and a career where he has recognition and respect. Life is pretty perfect. But when a figure from his past comes back into his world, will it re-open old wounds and shake the foundations of his happy life? Post S7 finale fic.
Relationships: Cece Parekh/Schmidt (New Girl), Jessica Day & Nick Miller, Jessica Day/Nick Miller, Winston Bishop/Aly Nelson, coach/may
Comments: 189
Kudos: 96





	1. Believe In Things Like Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I imagine will happen if New Girl gets a reunion in a few years, a la Will and Grace or Gilmore Girls. Just, obvs without the smut. Hope you like it!

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Up please!"

Nick was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of his son through the baby monitor on the bedside table. Groaning softly, he pulled the soft body of his wife closer, enveloping her in his arms, breathing in the fruity smell of her dark curls. The hazy sunlight filtered in through the gap in the curtains, giving her a makeshift halo. He placed a soft kiss on her pale shoulder, where the Detroit Pistons jersey she was wearing as a nightdress had slipped down in the night. She sighed contentedly and attempted to extricate herself from his grasp.

"And, where do you think you're going, Mrs. Miller?" Nick mumbled against her skin. She turned over to face him, and planted a sweet kiss on his cheek. He flashed her a wicked grin, and he leaned forward to capture her lips in his. She moaned as his large hands pulled her flush against his hips, his morning erection deliciously hard against her thigh. Deepening the kiss, Nick slid his tongue against hers, and rolled over between her legs, his calloused hands sliding up over her hips and stomach to her breasts. Nick groaned as he felt her nipples harden under his fingers. Jess broke the kiss with a gasp and a soft moan, her hips bucking up against his, his hard cock pressing against her core. "Jessica Day, you have no idea how utterly fucking amazing you sound when you make that noise," Nick groaned. He leaned down to capture her lips with his once again.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

With a grunt of frustration, Jess patted Nick's chest. "Sorry soldier, duty calls."

Nick sighed, and rolled off of her, his features contorting into his signature turtle face. "I'll go", he murmured. "You are not to move from this bed. It's your day off, kid, try and get some more sleep." He pushed her curls behind her ear and pecked her on the lips.

He slid out of the warmth of their bed and pulled on some sweatpants and yesterday's T-shirt. He fumbled around on the bedside table until he felt the cool metal of the quarter under his fingers. Bringing it to his mouth, he kissed it quickly and then slipped it into his pocket. "I'll come back once the troops are fed, sergeant," he said with a grin and the sleepy smile that Jess threw his way at his actions is enough to dissolve his frown.

Nick padded down the carpeted hallway towards Mitch's room. Throwing open the door, he is met with the sight of Mitch Miller standing up in his crib in his onesie pajamas, with a mess of dark curls spilling into his brown eyes. He flashed his two-year-old smile at his father as he shouted "Up!" repeatedly. "Buddy, you are being such a cooler right now, but I'll be damned if any kid of mine is going to go hungry waiting for his dad to come get him," Nick exclaimed, picking him up and moving him to the changing table.

"Dad!" Mitch cries. "Where Ma?"

"Ma is sleeping, so we have to be quiet, buddy. Now, what are we gonna wear today?" Nick asked.

"Sparkle shirt!" Mitch shouted with glee.

Nick sighed and picked up a pink, sparkly shirt with a ballerina on the front. A hand-me-down from Ruth, Mitch had grown very attached to it, after seeing his friend Ellie at Daycare with the same one. _Anything for a quiet morning_ , Nick thought as he pulled it over Mitch's head and pulled a pair of tiny jeans over his son's clean diaper. "Okay, now let's see if we can find Reggie."

Taking Mitch in his arms, they made their way down the stairs. They found Reggie sitting at the kitchen table, his light brown hair spilling into his piercing blue eyes. "Morning, Reg. You want some breakfast?"

"I dunno, are you going to make it?" Reggie eyed his dad warily.

"Hey, it's just cereal, you can't mess up cereal!" Nick is slightly offended, but then, Reggie had inherited his bluntness from his dad.

"Okay, I'll have some Rice Crispies. Is Ma getting up soon?" Reggie asked, his face falling slightly.

Nick rummaged around in the cupboards and pulled down two bowls and a box of Rice Crispies. As he poured the milk on top, he replied, "Ma is sleeping late cause it's her day off, Reg. Everything alright? You wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about it, Butthead!" Mitch chimed in through a mouth full of cereal.

"Hey, that's _Captain_ Butthead to you, Fartface!"

"SUPER FARTFACE TO THE RESCUE!!!!" Mitch yelled with a giggle.

Nick laughed under his breath as he pulled the eggs out of the fridge. "Guys, settle down! So, Reggie, you were saying?"

"Does Ma have to leave?" Reggie asked slowly, frowning into his bowl. Nick eyed his son warily. He knew that something was wrong. He was always bad about talking about these kind of things, especially how he was feeling, but he was actively making an effort with his sons, encouraging them to talk to him. He knew that Jess appreciated his efforts, and he even used a Feelings Stick on occasion when Reggie was especially quiet. He was a sensitive child, but then, Nick supposed, so was his father.

Nick pulled the frying pan out of the dishwasher and placed it on the stove. He cracked the eggs and started to scramble them. "Reggie, Ma is only going to be gone for a couple of days. It's a teaching conference, she's going to be with uncle Ernie the entire time, and she's gonna be back before you know it."

Nick sighed, stirring the eggs. This was the mantra that had been getting him through the last few days. _Coach is going to be there, he'll make sure she's okay and that she comes back!_ His gut clenched at the thought of Jess being away, even if it was only going to be for three days. An uneasy feeling crept up his spine. He dished the eggs out onto a plate and reached for a grapefruit in the fruit bowl. He divided it in half and pulled a tray out of the cupboard. He placed the plated eggs and the grapefruit onto it, before reaching into the refrigerator and pulling out the leftover cherry pie. He cut off a slice and placed it onto a plate, covered it in cream and it joined the rest of the food.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Reggie asked, pulling out of his stupor to watch his dad as carefully as a four year old can.

"I'm making Ma some breakfast, so that she can have it in bed," Nick explained patiently.

"How come she gets pie for breakfast?"

"Cause she's special, Reg. And you, me and Mitch will always make sure that she has the best of everything, cause we love her, and we need to show her that everyday!" Nick said, pulling a tulip out of the vase on the kitchen window sill and laying it down on the tray. Nick picked up the used breakfast bowls and spoons and piled them up on the edge of the sink. He prepared some coffee and poured it into two mugs, one that said " **Hot for Tea-cher** " and the other that said " **Go ahead, punk, make my Tea** ". "You guys gonna come help me surprise her?"

Mitch hopped down happily off his chair and raced to the stairs, crawling up them on all fours. Reggie followed behind him, leaving Nick to grab cutlery and make his way slowly behind them with the loaded tray.

"Surprise!!!" The boys leapt onto the bed and crawled up on either side of Jess. She placed the phone she was holding down on the bedside table and grinned happily, reaching for her glasses. Nick came into the room, smiling sheepishly, and handed her the tray. "Dad made you breakfast!!" Mitch said happily.

"Did he now?" Jess's eyes sparkled and she gave Nick a knowing look. "Eggs, grapefruit and pie, eh Nick-Nack?"

"Only the best for my lady love, J-Day," Nick quipped, grabbing his coffee and taking a sip, before climbing into the bed beside Mitch. As Jess tucked into her breakfast, the boys pestered her with questions about how long she was going to be gone for and if uncle Ernie was going to come visit afterwards. Nick caught Jess's eye and sighed contentedly. If you had told him 10 years ago that his life would be this picture of domestic bliss, he would have laughed and told you to go easy on the ganj. Yet, he still couldn't quite get rid of that niggling feeling in his gut, and he ran a hand through his hair agitatedly.

Jess noticed, and picked up her coffee, eyeing him over the rim. She had noticed a glint of worry in his eye, and the breakfast in bed had just proved the fact that something was bothering him. "Guys, seriously, it's only for three days, and then I'll be back." She caught Nick's eye again. "You won't even have a chance to miss me, cause you're going to have so much fun with your dad and Uncle Schmidt. Aren't you going to Ruth's soccer game later?"

Jess finished the last bite of her pie and her coffee and placed the tray on the ground beside the bed. "That was so good, thank you guys so much!" She hugged her boys to her, kissed the tops of their heads, and giggled as they snuggled in before getting restless. "You guys don't have to stay, you know."

Reggie and Mitch climbed out of the bed and went to go play. Jess reached out and pulled Nick into her embrace, laying her cheek on the top of his head.

"You going to talk to me about it, Nicholas?"

"About what?" Nick stammered.

"Whatever's bothering you. Come on, breakfast in bed? It's not even my birthday!" Jess laughed.

Nick backed away slightly and stared into her deep blue eyes. "I'm just a bit worried."

"Worried about what?" Jess frowned.

"Well..." Nick averted his eyes. "You leaving on a trip and how you might not come back." Nick blushed slightly as he voiced his fears. No matter how happy he was, it was always right there at the back of his mind, the niggling doubt that never fully went away.

"Nick, look at me." His eyes met hers again. "I'll be back in three days. I love you and I'm coming back to you. I love my boys and I'm coming back to my boys. I love my life, and no amount of days in San Diego surrounded by teachers and Coach is going to change that."

Nick fidgeted a bit, twirling his wedding band around his finger. "You loved me the last time you left, and you almost didn't come back, Jess. Seeing that empty room, knowing that I was too late, those were the worst couple of minutes of my life."

"Nick, seriously, that was completely different." Jess scoffed. "That was almost eight years ago. You were with Reagan and I was so in love with you that I couldn't deal with being around the two of you. And, if you remember, I _did_ come back for you, Nick. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be as blissfully happy as I am. I love you so much. You are the most important thing in my life. Hell, I love you so much that I allowed my children to be named after the actor who played the cop in Die Hard, and the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, Nick." She leaned in and she kissed him, entwining their hands so that their wedding bands lined up. "I'm coming back, Miller. I promise."

Nick visibly brightened at her words. He gave her hand a squeeze, leaned in and kissed her gently. "I love you so much, Day. I know that I messed up so much in the past, so you can't blame a guy for getting worried. I mean, how many of your exes are going to be at this conference? You did date a lot of teachers..." He trailed off.

Jess bit back a laugh. "I dated, like, two teachers, Nick. And one of them is still in England for all I know. Will you stop worrying and relax?" She trailed her fingers through his hair and he leaned into her touch. He ran his hand up her bare thigh, and she squirmed.

Nick jumped off the bed and ran to the door. Poking his head out, he yelled, "Reggie, Mitch, take Mario into the yard and stay with him til he poops! And put shoes and a sweater on, Butthead!"

"Nick!" Jess scolded.

"Sorry, _Captain_ Butthead!" he corrected, flashing a grin at Jess as she rolled her eyes. The sound of little feet on the stairs, then the back door opening and closing, and Mario woofing excitedly met their ears. Walking back to the bed, Nick lifted his coin out of the pocket of his sweats and placed it reverently on the nightstand, shucked them off and pulled his T-shirt over his head. Crawling under the covers, he pulled Jess into his arms.

"That should give us about twenty minutes, Mrs. Miller. How about we use them wisely." He rolled on top of her, between her spread legs, and pulled her jersey over her head. He gently sucked the pulse point of her neck, before making his way down to her breasts. Taking a nipple into his mouth, he rolled it between his teeth. Jess whined and arched her back.

"Thank God that dog is a shy pooper!" Jess let out a moaning pant as Nick slipped two fingers under the fabric of her panties and slowly started to stroke her clit. "Fuck, Nick, that feels so good!"

He swiftly slid his two fingers into her tight core, thrusting them in and out, and brought his thumb up to rub her clit. "Jesus, Jess, you're so wet, honey," Nick groaned into the flesh of her upper breast. Her left hand raked through his hair and she reached down with her right into his boxers to take his stiff erection in her hand. He bucked against her palm, moaning.

"Please Nick, I need you inside me," Jess begged into his ear. He almost lost it right there and then. He could never say no to this woman. He pulled his fingers from her and slid her panties down her thighs. He licked her juices from his fingers, savouring her taste. Her eyes darkened and she pulled his boxers down his legs.

Pulling her legs around his waist, he wasted no time, and thrust sharply into her tight heat. He laid his forehead against hers and looked deeply into her eyes. The look of utter love and devotion was almost overwhelming her. Jess gasped. Even after all these years, Nick Miller could still make her feel like the only woman in the world. He slowly pulled back out and thrust back in again, building an easy rhythm. She met him thrust for thrust, feeling the tight coil of pleasure in the pit of her stomach start to radiate through her body.

"Fuck, Jess," Nick growled, reaching a hand down to her ass and pulling her towards him, changing the angle slightly. The gasp of pleasure that escaped her throat was magical. It was these sounds that Nick lived for, and he wondered again and again how he had allowed three years of his life go by without hearing them. He leaned his head down and sucked a bruise into the top of her left breast, marking her. She raked her fingers down his back, and pulled her feet sharply against his ass, urging him to go faster. "You are mine, Jessica Miller. All mine. I'm never gonna let you forget that."

He brought a hand down to where they were joined and rubbed her clit hard in rhythmic circles. "I want to feel you come around me, Jess. Come for me, honey."

He could feel her walls start to flutter and kissed her deeply, swallowing his name as it poured from her lips. She came undone and spasmed around him, milking his cock, and he released deep inside her with a growl and collapsed on top of her. The intensity of his orgasm completely overwhelmed him, just like every time with her. She kissed his forehead and purred beneath him. He slowly pulled out and rolled to the side, pulling her on top of him and cuddling her close. "I love you, Jess. I'm gonna miss you so much."

She settled onto his chest, their legs entwined. "I love you, too, Nick. More than you will ever know."

After a few minutes of sated silence, Nick asked, "What time are you leaving?"

She cuddled him close and said, "I'm meeting Coach at LAX at 2:30 and we should be in San Diego just after 5."

Nick placed a sweet kiss on her temple and said "We should probably get up and get dressed. Schmidt is going to be here any second, and I still have to prepare the oranges for Ruth's game."

From downstairs, the sound of the back door opening caught their attention and they rolled out of bed to get dressed. "Mario's done pooping," Reggie called, "and Uncle Schmidt is here."

Jess giggled. "Whoa, did your Schmidty sense go off?"

Nick picked up his pillow and smacked her with it. "It's a special bond, you just don't understand."

Jess pulled on her robe and some pajama pants and strolled out to the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower and then finish packing. I'll leave Schmidt in your capable hands. Just no necking."

Rolling his eyes, he pulled on a pair of jeans and his soccer coach T-shirt. He pulled his whistle from the drawer of the vanity table. Reaching over to the nightstand, he replaced the quarter back in his pocket, closing his eyes as he heard the sounds of his wife singing in the shower, and sighed. This is his life, he thought, and he couldn't be any happier with it.

"Nicholas, why are your children wearing Christmas sweaters and rain boots?" came Schmidt's apalled cry from downstairs. "Honestly, who dressed you, Mitch? Was it Daddy? Cause I really have to have strong words with him if it was."

Nick ran down the stairs, and allowed himself to be enveloped in Schmidt's hug, before pulling Ruth and Moses in for a quick kiss. "You ready to kick butt today, Ruthie?"

"I sure am, Uncle Nick! I've been working on my game face, look!" She grimaced and pulled her face into a signature Nick Miller pout.

"That is the wickedest thing you could have ever done, Nick. You made my child act like you!" Schmidt sneered in disgust. "And Moses wants to get a cat and a jigsaw for his birthday, I'm going to kill Winston Bishop! And my wife, because this has all the trappings of a classic Cece and Winston mess-around, and I will not have it!"


	2. My Life Is Pretty Plain

"Alright, Uncle Winston", Ruth squealed, "left foot green!"

Winston floundered for a moment before sliding his foot under Schmidt's downward dog pose and placing it on a red circle. Schmidt gave a grunt of pure frustration and roared, "Honestly Winston, how did they ever allow you to protect and serve?! That is red, you colorblind fool!"

Winston quickly corrected himself, sliding his foot backwards to the other side of the Twister mat. "At least I don't have my head in your buttcrack anymore, Schmidt!" DanBill, who was balanced between a yellow circle and a red circle on the other side of Schmidt almost fell over with giggles. Reggie and Moses were back to back, on the green side, palms down on the yellow beside them.

Nick sat under the shade of a large tree in Griffith Park, handing juice boxes and sandwiches to Mitch, Aliya and Walter, and handing Winston Junior his red lunchbox. "Junior, please eat your sandwich before your cookie, I really don't want a repeat of last Saturday, buddy. One trip to the ER is all we're budgeted for this month." Teddy was giggling to herself in her stroller, trying to fit her entire foot in her mouth. "Ruthie, you want a peanut butter or a bologna?"

Ruth called back over her shoulder that she wanted a bologna and went back to spinning the arrow. "Daddy, right hand yellow." Schmidt slid his palm across the mat and came face to face with his son. "Moses, is that grass in your teeth? What have I told you about eating the wildlife?"

Nick called back, "Hey, grass is green, and green stuff is healthy, right, Schmidty? Although, speaking of green, remind me how many DMV employees you had to bribe to get your drivers licence, Winston?"

Winston did not look amused. "You best be careful there, Mr. Big Shot Writer, I have known you for almost forty years, you don't want to talk about bribes in front of a police officer, especially one who knows all your childhood secrets..." Winston threw in a healthy dose of cop voice, and Nick was impressed with how menacing he could be.

"How about we pause this game so we can eat?" Nick suggested. He started pulling bottles of soda out of the cooler and moved it to stop DanBill and Junior's homemade **GO RUTH!!** banner from blowing away in the breeze.

Ruth, with her soccer strip splattered with mud and with a grass stain on her calf, bounded up, accepted her sandwich and sat down between Junior and Walter. Ruth Parekh-Schmidt was turning out to be such a surprise. Growing up in a house with Schmidt as her dad and Cece as her mom, Nick always imagined that she would end up seriously fashion-conscious and vain, but with a heart of gold, the best of both of her parents. However, it turned out to be a surprise to everyone when she settled herself in beside Nick on the couch while celebrating Thanksgiving in Portland a couple of years ago and insisted that she wanted to play sports. Nick had explained the rules of football to her while they watched the game, and she sat and listened with awe as he explained that baby Mitch was named after a football player.

So then, he explained baseball, telling her all about the Cubs' World Series win, how he had gotten his baseball signed by all the players, and how that was one of the best days of his life. She perked up because that was now _her_ baseball, displayed front and center on her bookshelf, with all the yellow Sharpie flowers on it that she had drawn when she was three. Nick had let her keep it, and not just because it was now worthless from a monetary point of view, but because it was now priceless, an artifact of their shared history. He was her godfather in everything but name, and he was so proud of the fact that he could get through to her that day.

She had sat down with Winston as he explained the rules of basketball, taking her through the highs and lows of his college scholarship and then professional career in Latvia. He showed her old videos of his sister Alisha, who had a much more lucrative career stateside with the WNBA and still made her living coaching these days. Ruth liked the idea of having even a tenuous familial relationship with two famous basketball playing siblings, and loved to play horse and shoot hoops with Winston, DanBill, and Coach when he came to visit.

But, it was soccer where she found her true happiness. Nick had done some research about sports teams in the local area, and had found a pee-wee soccer league in Griffith Park. She had signed up and had instantly fallen in love. Schmidt had initially been apprenhensive of it, as some of those girls on the team were so rough, but when an opening became available for a parent to be a coach, he had immediately signed up to support his little girl and had dubbed Nick his _bro-co-coach_ , much to Nick's chagrin. Still, they made a pretty good team, and he enjoyed spending every Saturday in the park watching Ruth and the girls become more confident in their abilities and start winning some games. Ruth had scored the winning goal today, and just seeing the look of pure joy and excitement on Schmidt's face, and the proud cheers of Winston and all the kids, made Nick temporarily forget that Jess wasn't there to see it.

Seeing everyone sitting in a circle eating their lunch together, Nick couldn't help but think back to that morning. Jess had come out of the shower, dressed and packed the last of her things. As he and Schmidt were leaving for the park, she had pulled him in for a deep kiss and promised him again that she would be back in three days time. She called out to the boys to be good, and then slipped her hand into his as he told her that he loved her. He knew he was overreacting, but even just the thoughts of coming home to an empty bed that night made him a little sad. An idea formed in his head as he ate, and pulling himself together, he wondered aloud, "Hey, seeing as how Jess is out of town, do you guys want to do Guys Night at our place tonight?"

Winston looked up excitedly from where he was feeding Teddy, and said "Can we make a blanket fort and drink Sangria? If so, I'm in. Aly is working nights this week, so I'll have to bring all the kids, that cool?"

Schmidt rolled his eyes and said, "Of course, Winston, we can't have Guys Night without sangria and forts. I'll have to check to make sure Cece is cool with it, but she has to be up to work tomorrow, so she'll probably be excited to have a husband and kid free zone."

Nick beamed. "Of course all the kids will be there. They can join us or have their own night in Reggie's room."

"Then it's a game plan." Winston looked over at Junior, who was reaching into Reggie's lunchbox. "Winston Nicholas Bishop Jr, I better not see you with your hands near that cookie. Come on, man, you know I love you, but you can't just go around eating cookies that aren't your special ones, we all gonna end up in the ER like last Saturday. And then your mom will revoke good cop privileges." Junior had the good sense to look ashamed and withdrew his hand.

"Good cop privileges? Is that really what you're gonna go with, Winston? I would think that Aly wouldn't let you near her again after five kids in four years!" Schmidt paled just thinking about it. "I mean, I was sure that after the twin pregnancy, Aly would Krav Maga kick your testicles clean off your body."

Nick let out a loud guffaw. Winston's large family was always the butt of many jokes, especially since ten years ago, they were all convinced that Winston was going to end up a crazy cat man. But, after DanBill, Aly got pregnant straight away with the twins, Junior and Aliya, named for Winston, Schmidt and Nick, and Aly's grandmother respectively. Nick was filled with a sense of pride when he heard that he was someone's namesake. Winston and Schmidt were closer to brothers to him than his actual brothers, and he loved them, but this was a familial bond that could never be undone. Soon after the twins, Aly was pregnant again, and she gave birth to Walter only two days after Jess had given birth to Mitch. Winston had careened into Jess's hospital room to tell Nick that he was a father again. He had pulled Nick aside later and had asked him for permission to name his son Walter, after Nick's dad. "I know that you and Pop-Pop had a crazy complicated relationship, but that man was the closest I ever had to a dad growing up, man. It would really mean a lot, but I mean, if you want to use it for your own kids, I understand." Nick had pulled him into a hug and told him that if he wanted to honor his dad, he could. He was glad that Winston had asked, and he knew that his own Ma would be so proud. Baby Theodora came as a surprise. Winston had had a vasectomy after Walter, but had neglected to heed the warnings that Aly could still get pregnant if they had sex too soon afterwards. Nick, Schmidt and Winston were drinking in The Griffin when they started making bets on the baby's name. Nick had bet Winston that if he couldn't score a bullseye on the dart board, then Winston had to name the kid after Nick's loft 4D lover on the downlow, Mr. Theodore K Mullins. And, of course, Winston had failed spectacularly and Aly was not impressed that her daughter was now to be named after a fictional gay alias of her husband.

Pulling back from his thoughts, Nick had started to pack their stuff back into the cooler. He stood up and said "I'm just gonna run and put this back in the car, then we can play some more Twister before we head home."

Reggie, Mitch, DanBill, Junior and Moses had tagged along for the walk, and Reggie recounted Jess's breakfast in bed. Junior was amazed that people were allowed to have pie for breakfast if they were special. "Does that mean Ruth can have pie for breakfast cause she won the game today?" he asked, shyly. The look of devotion on his face was not lost on Nick. That poor kid was going to have some serious crush issues when he was older if his heart eyes at four years old were anything to go by.

"You can all have pie for breakfast in the morning, since we're all gonna have a sleepover at our place tonight, how does that sound, buddy?"

"Really? Awesome, thanks Uncle Nick!"

Reaching the car, Nick placed the cooler into the trunk and turned around to the sound of someone calling his name. "Nick Miller, is that you?"

The sight of the brunette in front of him made his palms sweat and he leaned weakly back against the car. "Reagan, oh my God, how the hell are ya? I didn't know you were back in town..."

Reagan was wearing her running gear, and Nick couldn't help but stare at her, completely at a loss for words. His mind was in full on panic mode. He hadn't seen the woman in front of him since their breakup eight years ago. He could feel the sweat pooling on his back. "I'm doing good, thanks. I only got back to town a few weeks ago. I made president of North American sales, so I don't need to travel as much anymore."

Nick shook himself out of his daze. "Congrats, I'm happy for you." This whole situation was so surreal, that it took him a few minutes of Mitch pulling on the leg of his pants for Nick to realize that he was breathing harder than usual.

"Dad, Twister now?" Mitch pleaded. Nick bent down and scooped him up, brushing his curls out of his eyes.

"Sure thing, Mitch! Dad's just talking to a friend for a minute."

"Oh, wow, are these your kids?" Reagan's eyes widened in surprise, taking in the other three boys, who were now examining an earthworm on the ground.

"What? Oh, yeah, well, just the Caucasians, I mean, this is Mitchell and that's Reginald, they're mine, the Asian one is Moses, he's Schmidt and Cece's, and the Black ones are Dan and Junior, they're Winston and Aly's." Nick was rambling and he mentally slapped himself across the cheeks. _Get it together, Miller. You're making this awkward!_

"Oh, they're really cute." Reagan blinked and then resumed her usual look of indifference. A small smile played on her lips. "So, where's their mom?"

Reggie looked up from the ground and said "Mom's out of town with Uncle Ernie, so we're gonna have Guys Night with Dad!"

"Really? Wow, look at you having life all figured out. I'm happy for you, Nick. And, it's nice to know that you have a great custody arrangement, and can see your kids all the time." Nick blinked and a look of confusion passed over his face. _Custody arrangement? What is she talking about?_

Shifting Mitch in his arms, he realised that Reagan couldn't see his wedding ring. He opened his mouth to explain when she asked, "And, how's Jess? Did she ever come back to LA? Or did she stay in Portland?"

 _No! Shit shit shit shit. She doesn't know about me and Jess and us getting back together and getting married and having kids together_ , Nick thought frantically. _Of course she doesn't know, how could she know, she didn't keep in contact with any of them after that night she left._

Quickly changing the subject, he ran a hand through his hair. "Hey, Reagan, sorry, I have to get the boys back, it's getting late." He dug around in his pocket and pulled out one of the business cards Schmidt had printed for him. "Why don't we meet for a drink in The Griffin soon? Schmidt, Winston and I own the place outright now, just give me a call and we can catch up properly?"

Reagan accepted the card and put it in her pocket. "Okay, sure Nick. I'll call you." She put her earbuds back in her ears and jogged off.

Still feeling a little dazed, Nick called out to the boys and they made their way back to the rest of the group. _I need to tell her everything. This cannot be like that time with Caroline, I need to be a man and tell her about Jess_ , Nick kept repeating to himself. _Reagan needs to know that she was always just a weird detour before I found my way back to the person I wanted to be with all along. But, I should definitely not phrase it like that_.

Twirling his wedding band around his finger, he thought, _I cannot tell Jess about this until I've talked to Reagan. She would just worry like last time. I need to fix this first._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is like a hot air balloon, you need the propane of reviews to get it off the ground.


	3. Next Day's Function

The sun was blazing in through the windshield when Jess pulled up in short-term parking at LAX. Coach's flight had been delayed slightly, so she sat back and pulled out her phone. As she dialed her second speed-dial contact, her mind flickered over her morning so far. She went over her mental checklist for the conference in her head. Her number one priority for this event was headhunting. She had some staffing gaps in her school that needed to be filled once September rolled around, and she wanted to see if she could get some interesting, enthusiastic teachers on her payroll.

After the grand jury found that Jess had no direct involvement in Banyan Canyon's demise and after she had testified against the school's Board of Directors, she was only too happy to take back control of the school and, with a little bit of Schmidt's help, had rebranded it into The Day-Miller Preparatory Middle School. Russell Schiller, her former _Fancyman_ had been very generous to help her secure funding through his non-profit. It was the very least he could do after he tried to _My Best Friend's Wedding_ her and Nick's wedding day. It was now one of the most sought after middle schools in the Greater Los Angeles area, with an increasingly long waiting list for entrance, both for its broad range of subjects, from Art History to Yiddish for Beginners, and for its association with Jess herself, who was very vocal about her love of education and making it accessible. She was frequently seen rubbing elbows with the likes of Mayor Moscato in the society pages, especially on the golf course.

"Hey Jess, are you on your way to your school thingy?" Cece picked up on the other end of the phone.

"Hey Ceec, no, I'm waiting outside LAX for Coach. We should get there just before five. What's going on in work today?" Jess checked her makeup in the rearview mirror, and brushed her bangs out of eyes.

"I'm meeting with the fashion editor for _Sixteen Magazine_ about using some of our teenage models for their September issue. This is a huge deal for me, Jess, please tell me I'm going to nail it?" Cece sounded stressed, and Jess did her best to assuage her mind.

"Cecelia Parekh-Schmidt, you are going to kiiiiiil iiiiiit in that meeting today. And you know how I know? Cause I just put it in song, bitch!" Cece giggled on the other end.

"Thanks, Jess, I really needed to hear that right now. I'm missing Ruth's soccer game today for this, and I feel really guilty about it..." Jess worried her bottom lip as she listened to her friend. Jess knew that Cece was an amazing mom, and that both Ruth and Moses looked up to her as a strong, positive female role model.

"Seriously, Cece, you have nothing to worry about. Those kids are fine. Besides, they have the cast of the remake of _Three Men And A Baby_ there to cheer her on instead. Plus, she's got her own entire cheer squad, and they all learned all the words to the pep song I wrote. She's good, and you're good!"

"What has you in such a chipper mood, anyway? Usually you're a wreck going to these conferences, and this is the first overnight one you've been to since Coach still lived in the loft", Cece probed.

Jess filled her in on her morning; about how Nick had gotten up to feed the boys, about how they had surprised her with breakfast in bed, and then about distracting the boys for long enough that they could have quick, dirty sex. Cece laughed along and cooed about how sweet it all was. "It was really sweet, but then Nick brought up how he was worried about me being away, that he was worried about me not coming back..."

"Seriously? How is that man still so unsure of everything after all these years. You've never given him any reason to think that you're going to run." Cece said incredulously.

"I know, but it was seriously bothering him. He even brought up me fleeing to Portland after Socalyalcon VI. I just wish he would open up to me more about this kind of thing, it can't be healthy for him to keep all of that bottled up. I mean, I think he thought that making me breakfast in bed would convince me to stay with him. Like he and my children would ever come second to eggs, grapefruit and pie!"

"Pie for breakfast?" Cece wondered. "Is that a thing?"

"It's all part of Nick's balanced breakfast. He made me the same one the morning after we first slept together. I never got to eat it cause my dad arrived for your wedding." Jess sighed at the memory, how happy she had been, and how Nick's eyes had gone really wide at the sight of her in nothing but his flannel shirt.

"Anyway, babe, I really gotta go, my meeting is due to start any minute now! Have a safe trip, and I will make sure Nick is okay for you later on. Enjoy yourself, and give my love to Coach!" Cece blew a kiss down the phone and rang off.

Jess sighed and flipped on her car stereo. Nick's voice filtered through the speakers, making her start in surprise. _Welcome back to the Nicholas Miller Drivetime Hour, I'm your host Nick Miller and I will be here with you for the entire road trip today. I'm also joined by Reginald VelJohnson Miller with News and Mitchell Trubisky Miller with Traffic Updates. This first song goes out to a very special old lady, Yolanda Winston, with a message from her old man, telling her to have a safe trip!_ The opening notes of Neil Diamond's Cracklin' Rosie started playing, and Jess threw her head back and giggled excitedly. This was a lovely surprise. Jess really hadn't expected a Nick Miller mix-CD to accompany her on her way, and to start it off with one of her favourite songs was just amazing. She sang along to the chorus, dancing energetically in her seat, and causing several passers-by to look at her weirdly, but she really didn't care.

She spotted Coach leaving the terminal a few minutes later. She rolled down her window and shouted across to him. "Get in loser, we're going educating!!"

Coach's face split into a wide grin as he jogged across the parking lot, his overnight duffel bag swinging behind him. "Jessica Damn Day-Miller, my vanilla sister!" he greeted her as he slid into the passenger seat. "Are we ready to school these sons of bitches on eating healthy and getting enough exercise? And also, whatever a principal does?" Jess rolled her eyes and pulled him in for a bear hug.

"It's so good to see you, Tagliaboo. How's the new school treating you?"

Coach had recently returned to teaching PE and health after May had given birth to their second child, and the reference that Jess had provided for him had opened the door for him to teach at a very prestigious elementary school in Raleigh. "Well, I've only had one student so far try to call me Mr. Tagliaboo, so I think I'll be just fine."

"And how are May and the girls?" Jess pulled away from LAX and made her way towards the highway. They were finally San Diego-bound.

"May is excellent, she's just finishing her maternity leave and heading back to work in a few days. Oh, JJ made you a video!" He pulled out his phone and swiped to get to the video.

"Hi Aunt Jebecca, it's JJ. Jolie and I are wearing the sweaters you made for us. Thank you." She then proceeded to show Jess the tap routine she was working on, then showing her gap in her teeth. She signed off with, "Love you and can't wait to see you and Uncle Nick again soon!" Jess couldn't stop the grin taking over her face. Jessica Joan Tagliaboo was a handful, but Jess was super glad that they got to stay in touch like this.

Nick's voice once again rang out through the speakers. _And now over to Reggie with Sports. Reggie?_ The sound of Reggie's quiet voice in the background asking if he had to say what Nick told him made Coach laugh. "What's this?"

"It's a mix-CD for our road trip. Miller is maybe having a crisis about me going away..." Jess confessed. Coach just raised his eyebrows as Reggie's voice cut through, louder this time. _This is an urgent sports update. Pistons suck, Bulls forever. Dad, that's mean, Ma loves the Pistons..._

Coach laughed and said "That man has so shame, Jess! Using his own children to further his pro-Chicago agenda like that!" Jess started to sing along to Young MCs Bust a Move, and Coach bopped along beside her, occasionally busting out his own words for the verses.

"So, what is on the agenda for tonight? Are we going to partay while we're here? Cut a rug with all the sloppy drunk teachers?" Coach enquired.

Jess just rolled her eyes. Tonight was the induction to the conference, followed by karaoke in the hotel bar. She was all set to bust out "What's Up" accompanied by Rose, who she hadn't seen in forever. Coach actually got excited about being able to see Rose and Lorenzo again, and even Alan Foster was going to be there, to regale them all with stories from his frequent safari trips.

"Tomorrow there's going to be a guest speaker from a school in England and then I'm going to do some hardcore networking. I need to get some teachers to fill the holes in my school schedule before September. And then Monday is just brunch and driving back to LA," Jess finished.

Coach started fidgeting and Jess gave him a side-eye. "What?"

He squirmed under her gaze and then said, "Promise not to freak out and crash the car? I need to get home to my girls, Jay."

"I promise, but I'm not going to like this, am I?" Jess slapped the steering wheel with her open palm. "Out with it, Ernie!" she shouted in her sternest principal voice.

"The guest speaker tomorrow is Ryan Geauxinue. He made me promise not to say anything, please don't kill me!" Coach shouted in one breath.

"WHAT!!!" Jess screeched. "Are you serious? Wait, have you been talking to him this whole time?" She slapped his arm as hard as she could.

"What, just cause you broke up with the guy, I can't be friends with him anymore? He was my buddy. We text occasionally. He's a good guy, Jess. He just wasn't Nick!" Coach slapped her hand away and prayed that she would keep her eyes on the road. Jess knew that she had no right to be upset. Ryan had hurt her, but Coach was right. It never would have worked out between them because Nick was always there, and Jess had never stopped loving him, no matter how hard she had tried to convince herself otherwise in the year following their break-up.

Jess's heart sank. _Great_ , she thought, _now I'm gonna have to call Nick and explain this clusterfuck of a situation to him. Hooray for not boosting his self-confidence_. She knew that she couldn't keep this from him, though. They had promised after Furguson's memorial that there would be no more secrets between them. She just had to suck it up and tell him. "Son of a penis!" she found herself swearing and then jacked up the volume on the stereo and she silently fumed for the rest of the drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strong reviews, strong story! "We are not a story!"
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented so far! :-)


	4. Somehow It's Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on leave from work this week, so I'm speeding through these updates. Thanks so much for all the positive feedback so far, I really appreciate it!

Schmidt was on high alert for spiders. Guys Night was in full swing, and he was helping Nick move some cardboard boxes up from the basement. He pulled his yellow rubber gloves higher up his forearms and took a steadying breath.

"You alright there, brother?" Nick called from the other side of the dark room. The dryer was rumbling and it didn't help improve Schmidt's anxious fidgeting.

"I wish you hadn't put the dryer on, it will give the spiders ample opportunity to launch an offensive when we can't hear them coming!" Schmidt barked.

"Do you usually hear spiders, anyway, Schmidt?" Nick looked sceptical.

"Not helping, Nick!" Schmidt shifted the box in his arms and backed up towards the stairs. "What on earth is in these boxes, anyways?"

"Memories. Some Chicago, some Portland, some college, some law school, and a lot from the loft. Thought it might be fun to go through them with the kids tonight. And, I'm looking for stuff to help me re-write some stuff for _Midday Moon_. Merle sent my second draft back with some notes." Nick picked up the nearest box to him and rummaged through it. "Check it out, it's Jess's Haunted House Woody Allen costume!"

Schmidt shuddered. "What possible reason could she have for hanging onto that piece of crap? That tweed monstrosity has no place anywhere on this earth, even in a haunted house!"

Schmidt rummaged through his box. "This one is full of CDs and DVDs, but it doesn't look like there are any labels, so I suppose we'll have to play each one individually to find out what's on them. Have you never heard of a label maker, Miller?"

"Believe me, I have. After you found out that I sometimes wore your underpants, you labelled every piece of yours and my clothing, it was the itchiest year of my life, Schmidt!" Nick pulled his signature turtle face and walked towards the stairs. "Let's head up, the pizza will be here soon!"

Setting the boxes down in the living room, Schmidt wandered into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Through the kitchen windows, he could make out Winston lying in the middle of the trampoline, surrounded by a bunch of the kids, who were shrieking out the lyrics to _Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves_ , with Winston providing the high notes. He smiled fondly. Winston was an oddball, but he was family, and Schmidt was thankful every day that Nick had brought the two of them together. Winston was the perfect buffer between him and Cece when they were fighting, he was very useful for scaring youths away from Jaipur Aviv at Halloween in his police cruiser, and he was always willing to go 'full Poppins' whenever the kids got too bored.

Schmidt pulled off his rubber gloves and placed them carefully on the side of the sink. He rinsed his glass, placed it in the dishwasher, and sighed. The doorbell rang, and he shouted, "I think the pizza's here, I'll get it!" Strolling over to the front door, he smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt and pasted on a bright smile. Pizza guys were the worst delivery drivers, and they always looked so scruffy. Basic grooming seemed to be lost on them. Pulling open the door, he came face to face with his wife, looking bedraggled and still in her work suit. He enveloped her in a hug and gave her a deep kiss.

"Cecelia, why did you ring? Get in here!" He pulled her into the house, taking the overnight bag from her hands and placing it in the hallway.

"I couldn't find my key, I think I might have left it in my desk drawer. How was your day, sweetie?" She rubbed small circles onto his chest with her fingertips and leaned into him. There was never any doubt that this woman was the love of his life, and he placed his hands on the small of her back, pulling her close.

"It was great, Ruth's team won her game, I beat Winston at Twister, and Junior didn't puke in my car, so all is well." He placed a soft kiss on her temple and inhaled her scent. "How did your big meeting with _Sixteen_ go?"

"We got the contract! I'm going to call Mark and Kyle tomorrow and tell them to start getting fall ready!" Cece's eyes sparkled as she smiled and reached out for the overnight bag. "I brought PJs for you and the kids, Moses's kitty toy, and a bottle of Midori for you for later."

"Cece, I don't think I will ever tell you enough that I love you." They were interrupted by the pounding of feet on the tiles behind them and Ruth and Moses launched themselves into their mother's arms. Ruth immediately started giving Cece a full play-by-play of her game, and Moses tagged along, pulling Cece into the living room. "Are you going to stay and have pizza with us?"

"I think I will, but then I'm going to go home, have a bath and have an early night! I don't think I can survive Guys Night without Jess here!" Cece pulled Moses onto her lap and turned her attention fully to Ruth's story.

Schmidt turned around and caught sight of the pizza van outside. He opened the front door and walked across the lawn. As he appoached, the delivery guy asked, "Hey, is this Mars Landing?"

"It is, the pizzas are for us. How much do I owe you?" Schmidt pulled his wallet out of his slacks and counted out the bills. He gave the guy a generous tip and turned back to the house.

"What kind of crazy name is that for a house, anyway, dude?" the driver called.

Without turning around, Schmidt called back, "I honestly have no idea, you'd have to ask the owner, he named the place!" Schmidt had always been baffled as to why Nick and Jess had chosen such a crazy name for their home, but it seemed to be some sort of in-joke between them, and Schmidt had never pushed it.

Gathering everyone into the kitchen, and making sure that everyone had a napkin, Schmidt settled in with a knife and fork to eat his pizza. He only got a few glances from Nick, who kept staring at his phone every five minutes. "Nick, Jess will call soon, give her a chance to get settled!" Cece patted his knee and folded a slice of pizza in half to wedge it into her mouth. When she did things like that, Schmidt was fully convinced that the universe had sent him a female version of Nick on purpose.

After everyone had been fed, Cece made her goodbyes and pulled Schmidt back in for a long smouldering kiss before heading for her car. "See you tomorrow. I'm in the office til two, but we have the rest of the weekend just for us..."

"Drive safe! I love you, sweetheart! And, we will definitely have a no-pants dinner tomorrow night, I even managed to steal a bottle of champagne from the bar stock last week, so we'll celebrate your contract properly then!" After kissing her sweetly, he smiled and waved and she left to go home.

A few hours later, the kids were starting to settle down. Schmidt had spent most of the evening inside the blanket fort on Nick's living room floor braiding Aliya's and Ruth's hair. Winston, Nick and the boys were sifting through the boxes, giggling when they came across funny hats of Jess's and CDs of Winston's fake radio show that he used to record for his mom. It was during one of these that Moses had sat down next to him and asked "Dad, what's a scrub? Uncle Winston keeps singing about it."

Schmidt placed a bow in Aliya's french braid and turned to his son. "Well, Moses, a scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly, and is also known as a buster." Moses just looked at him confusedly. "That is defintely something that you should ask your mom about, I'm not really up on all my 90s street slang anymore."

Nick's phone rang while he was showing DanBill a photo of him and Winston in their Prince costumes from some long ago school talent show, and Schmidt had never seen him dive so athletically for anything in his life. He breathed a sigh of relief and said "It's just Jess, I'll be right back!" As he left the room, an excited smile on his lips, Winston crawled over and handed Schmidt a beer.

"What was that about? Of course it's Jess, who else would he be expecting to call?" Schmidt gave Winston a cautious look and spoke again. "Do you think they're doing alright? Nick's been really weird today, and I know that it's more than just his book. He's been on edge ever since we got back from the park."

"I dunno, Schmidt, he and Jess have never really been apart like this since they got back together. Jess went with him on all of his book tours and they always go together to their parents' places. Maybe it's just separation anxiety?" Winston took a sip of his beer and adjusted himself to get more comfortable. "Reggie mentioned earlier that Nick made her breakfast in bed this morning, that's classic Nick overthinking stuff right there."

Nick returned with a frown on his face. "Alright troops, I think it's time for bed. You can all help me sort the DVDs in the morning before you go home." He picked Mitch up from the floor and carried him upstairs. Winston and Schmidt exchanged worried glances and then herded the rest of the kids upstairs, helped them into their pajamas and made sure they brushed their teeth. Once the kids were all settled into Reggie's bed and in sleeping bags on Reggie's floor, they begged for a story.

Nick sat down with his back to the bedroom door and said "Alright, you know the rules, you get to pick one photograph from the wall, and we'll tell the story."

The kids whispered among themselves before deciding one of the photos on the wall of Nick's office. "The one with you guys sitting in the bar!"

So, they told the story of the day that they bought The Griffin. Nick and Schmidt had initially invested in the bar, and Nick managed the day to day running of the place. When Nick's writing career started to take off and he had to keep going out of state and out of the country for book tours, and with a newborn baby and a full-time working wife for Schmidt, they had decided to sell their shares, as neither of them had the time to devote to the place anymore. But, after Nick and Jess got married, and they both found themselves out of a job, Nick expressed to Clyde his interest of buying the bar outright. Clyde agreed, and Nick asked if Schmidt and Winston wanted to go in on it together, as three equal partners, to create something together for their families. It wasn't a very exciting story, but the bar was still theirs, they still went there for every major family occasion, and it would pass to their kids eventually. It was a legacy that the three of them were extremely proud of. Nick still did the books, Schmidt handled the marketing, and Winston looked after the stock order, and they each took their turns with managing the staff. The photo was taken on the night that they had signed the papers, and Julio had taken a family portrait of them in their booth. An identical one was hanging on the wall of the bar, the six of them beaming and proud. Three married couples, best friends, and the best family anyone could ask for.

After the story, the men retreated back to the living room. Schmidt clapped Nick on the shoulder and said "So, how's Jess? Did she and Coach get to San Diego alright?"

Nick sighed and took a slug of his beer. "Yeah, she's all set up in her hotel room. Coach is doing good. They're doing karaoke tonight, so you know Jess is gonna break out Linda Perry and possibly Tina Turner with Rose."

"That's good, right? Jess has been so stressed with the school, it's nice for her to unwind like that, right?" Winston prompted. "What's wrong, Nick?"

"Ryan is gonna be there, he's giving a guest lecture tomorrow. Coach knew the whole time and didn't tell Jess until they were halfway to San Diego." Nick looked defeated. "Jess had to tell me because she's a goddamn angel and now I'm freaking out!" Nick ran a hand through his hair.

Schmidt raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Why are you freaking out? You trust Jess, right? You know that she and Ryan broke up a long time ago."

"Of course I trust her, that's not even an issue." Nick looked confused. "I'm worried that the other shoe will drop and she'll realise that she could be happier without me!"

Schmidt barked a disbelieving laugh before he could stop himself. Nick glared at him. "Are you serious right now? Jess is crazy in love with you. She will do whatever it takes to make you happy. Hell, she spent months pushing you into another relationship just because she thought it would make you happy. And, we spent months waiting for YOU to stop being afraid and open your eyes and just admit that that you loved her too. It was very painful to watch from our end, she's like our sister, and she sacrificed so much for you!" Winston nodded his head in agreement.

Nick looked ashamed. "I know that I'm overreacting, but this is something that I've thought a lot about over the years. Can I ask you guys something?" Nick paused and inhaled deeply. "How did you know that I was still in love with her? Because Jess swears that she couldn't tell."

Schmidt smiled and said, "I'm about to tell you a story right now that I've never told you before. I fully believed that you had moved on until a couple of months before you and Reagan broke up. But then, everything became clear after Reagan came to talk to me and Winston about something..."

\--

Schmidt was sitting at the dining room table with a mug of coffee and a copy of _Architectural Digest_. He was thumbing through the pages and highlighting various articles to read. Winston sat opposite him, a bowl of Cheerios sitting forgotten and soggy as he read the funny pages of the newspaper.

The sound of a throat clearing made them both look up. "Guys, can I ask you about something?" Reagan stood in the entrance to the laundry room, wearing just a sports bra and a pair of leggings.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" Winston asked politely.

"Do you guys know what this is? I was just doing Nick's laundry and it fell out of his pants pocket." She held out a quarter to them. "It's got all these dates scratched into it, so it must be important, right?"

Schmidt's eyes widened in alarm. "Did you say you found that in Nick's pocket?" _Well, I'll be damned_ he thought, catching Winston's eye, who was suddenly beaming like all of his Christmases had come at once.

"That's Nick's memory coin. It helps him keep important dates at the forefront of his mind. Those are all dates that contributed to him being a better person." Winston winked at Schmidt. "Can I see it?"

Reagan handed the coin to Winston, who looked at the dates carefully. "See, this date here in 2011? That's the day that Nick started to move on from his relationship with Caroline." Schmidt could see what Winston was doing. That was very clearly the date that Jess moved into the loft.

"Right," Schmidt played along. "And, this one from 2013 is the night that Nick decided to be brave and climbed out of that window onto the ledge during a game of True American." Winston gave him a quick smile and continued on.

"Yeah, and this one here is a couple of days before Cece's first wedding. That's the night that Nick stopped thinking so damn much and just went after what he wanted out of life." Reagan looked confused but didn't ask him to elaborate.

"This one was two days later, when Nick ran off to Mexico for a few days on a whim. He got arrested for sneaking into a beach resort and we had to bail him out. Winston here learned he was colorblind, and that's why he was so bad at puzzles." Winston smacked him lightly on the cheek.

"This one in 2014 was the night we got to party at Prince's mansion," Winston said. "Nick snuck himself inside and was so damn proud of himself. We all got to sing and dance on stage with Prince, too, it was awesome." Reagan's eyebrows shot up at that one. It was the most surprised she had ever looked.

"And this last one, that's a few months later...that's the day that Nick lost something very important to him, and he never really talks about it. But, he obviously still thinks about it a lot, if it's on here." Schmidt could practically see the cogs turning in Winston's head, and Schmidt handed the coin back to Reagan. "You should put that back where you found it, Nick can get pretty possessive of it."

Reagan agreed and walked back to Nick's room.

"Oh my God, can we please tell Nick that Jess loves him, now? I mean, he still has that damn coin, Schmidt. And he had it engraved with all those dates? He still loves her." Winston was beaming. "I always knew those crazy kids would get back together. I've known since that cruise when Nick tried to kiss her again."

\--

"We ultimately decided not to tell you, because it wasn't our place to say anything. But, you got there in the end." Winston patted Nick's shoulder. "You always were the king of make-believe, but it's time to come back to reality now. You and Jess are good, I promise."

Nick nodded, dumbfounded. Schmidt could see the effect the story had on him. He just hoped that Nick would heed their advice and forget about his silly insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I'm incapable of writing short chapters. Please review!


	5. Black Into Bright White

Nick awoke sprawled on his living room floor, his feet propped up on the ottoman. Schmidt was snoring softly on the couch, an empty Midori bottle cuddled to his chest. Winston was propped up in the armchair, baby Teddy in his arms. He was half asleep while feeding her. Mitch was curled up beside Nick, his curly head resting on his chest. Nick's head was pounding and his throat was extremely dry. He dug around in his pocket for his phone. Checking the time, he saw that it was 08:50. He gently picked Mitch up and placed him on the couch beside Schmidt and went to take a leak.

Coming back into the living room, he found that Schmidt and Winston were awake, and each of them looked so hungover that Nick couldn't help but laugh. "Guys, whoever said that drinking liquor in our 40s was a good idea deserves to be shot right in the face. Winston, where's your gun?" Schmidt demanded.

"Far away from your overdramatic hands, buddy, I assure you. Morning, Nick." Winston started to pat Teddy on the back, trying to get her to burp so that he could have some breakfast.

Nick turned towards the kitchen and started pulling boxes of Eggos out of the freezer. "Waffles okay for everyone? There's also lots of cereal. Also, Winston, I may have promised Junior yesterday that he could have pie for breakfast, I hope that's cool." Winston shot a look at Nick's retreating back.

"You best pray that Aly don't find out, but your secret is safe with me." Teddy let out a gentle burp and Winston span her around. "That's daddy's girl, well done. Let's go get your brothers and sister out of bed, shall we?"

Schmidt disentangled himself from the couch cushions and placed the Midori bottle on the coffee table. "Nick, did we die last night?"

"Hardly, Schmidt, I keep telling you, that stuff is safe for pregnant women to drink." Nick turned the coffee pot on and turned to find Reggie at the foot of the stairs. "You sleep okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, but Moses kept chewing on my pillow, and DanBill's feet smell, it was so weird." He joined his brother on the sofa and asked, "Hey dad, can we watch some of the DVDs now?"

"Sure, go find one and put it in. I'm sure they're all safe for kid viewing, right Schmidty?" Schmidt's face just drained of color.

"I'm gonna go throw up, then maybe I can function like a human." Schmidt stumbled out of the room and up the stairs. A bunch of giggles sounded from upstairs and then Winston came down, trailed by the rest of the kids, who all found places to sit on the floor.

After everybody had eaten enough breakfast, and Schmidt had drunk a lot of strong coffee, Nick joined Mitch and Reggie on the couch, where the TV was now showing the afterparty of Nick and Jess's wedding. Nick smiled at the memory. They had postponed the party until after Aly and DanBill had got out of the hospital. The roof was still set up for the ceremony, so it only took a few tweaks to actually get it ready for a buffet and dancing. Nick's Ma was waltzing with Jess's dad to a tune that Jess sometimes sang in the shower. Jamie and Winston were talking and having beers in the corner, wetting his son's head. Jamie's wife DeAnn was in a heated conversation with his cousin Bob's wife, Carol, over something that the tape wasn't picking up.

"Look, there's Uncle Ernie!" Aliya cried. Her braids had come undone in her sleep, and she had a loose curl hanging in her eye.

Coach and May were doing a weird shuffle dance for the camera. Nick appeared in the frame and shook his head. Jess's mom was in the background, holding Ruth in her lap and showing her pictures on her phone. Cece and Schmidt were over by the microphone, preparing for Schmidt's best man speech. Jess appeared at his side, her eye now mostly healed, but still very bloodshot and angry looking. She threaded her arm through his and Nick's entire face lit up. It was hard to imagine that that was five whole years ago.

"Ma looks so pretty, doesn't she?" Reggie commented.

"Your ma always looks pretty, but she was really glowing that day. We didn't know it yet, buddy, but she was already pregnant with you there." Nick tousled his son's hair. "She didn't find out for sure until we had moved out of the loft about a month later."

Schmidt had just reached for the microphone when Nick felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Jess.

"It's your ma, I'm just gonna take this." Hopping over Winston's feet, he ran upstairs to his bedroom and shut the door.

"Hey, honey. How are you this morning?" Nick lay back on his bed and allowed his wife's voice to wash over him.

"Hi yourself. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I didn't even drink that much, but I've thrown up twice already and I'm really dizzy. Coach is getting me some continental breakfast and then we're off to the conference proper." Jess sounded tired and Nick's forehead creased in worry.

"Did you and Rose do your Tina Turner? Also, have you met any other interesting people yet? For the school?" He hoped that the panic in his voice didn't show through too much.

"Nick, you can just ask me about Ryan. And the truth is, I haven't seen or spoken to him yet. Coach said he wasn't at the bar last night. Rose sends her love by the way. We definitely did Tina Turner, but I somehow also ended up doing _Breakfast at Tiffanys_. That song always reminds me of that night in the desert, with the coyote." Nick let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. "How are the boys, are they behaving?"

"You mean Schmidt and Winston, or Reggie and Mitch? They're all fine, and they're all currently downstairs watching the DVD of our wedding party. We found a bunch of old unmarked DVDs in a box in the basement, so we're going through them today." He chuckled. "I'm missing Schmidt's best man speech as we speak." His voice trailed off. "I miss you, honey."

"I miss you, too. I'll call you later, and I'll be home around lunchtime tomorrow. What time is your meeting with Merle at?" He quickly walked to his office to look at his calendar.

"I'm meeting him at ten, just after I drop the boys to Day Care and Triangles. The notes he gave me are great, and I managed to re-write part of a chapter in my head last night, so I'm going to work on it later today. Merle is confident that it'll hit shelves in time for the summer vacation." _Midday Moon_ was basically the first Pepperwood novel re-told from the perspective of Jessica Knight. Apparently, this was a very popular thing in YA at the moment, and he just had to trust Merle to steer it in the right direction.

"Alright, well, have a good day! I better go. Tell the boys I love them and I'll talk to them tonight. I love you." Jess blew him a kiss down the phone and then sang softly, "I love you, Miller."

Nick smiled and sang back, "I love you, too, Day. Talk later."

Jess rang off and Nick stared at the framed photo of her and the boys on his desk. They were his whole world. His phone buzzed again and Nick glanced down at it. It wasn't a number he recognised. _Maybe it's Cece calling to check on Schmidt_ , he thought. He really needed to save her number in case of an emergency, but he preferred to annoy her on a semi-regular basis instead.

"This is Nick," he answered.

"Hi Nick, it's Reagan. Do you maybe want to meet me for that drink later?" Nick's heart pounded and he lost his grip on his phone. Quickly, he grabbed it up off the desk.

"Hi Reagan, good to hear from you. Sure, you maybe want to meet me at the bar at about noon? I need to go down and sign for a delivery anyway." He felt the panic rise again. _This is it_ , he thought. _Time to face the music_.

\--

Nick left Mars Landing at 11:30, after convincing Winston and Schmidt to watch the boys for a little while. They were just starting to watch Nick and Winston's high school graduation tape as he was heading out the door. He reached into the glove compartment of his car and pulled out his glasses. He hated them, but driving while legally blind suddenly didn't seem so funny when he had actual dependents in the back seat.

He made it to The Griffin at 11:50. He met Andy and Bearclaw at the cellar door, signed for the delivery and waited until they had unloaded everything. Bearclaw grabbed him into a huge friendly hug and gave him a bag of candy for the boys. "Tell Jess that I imagine her hair still smells like butterscotch candies..." he whispered as Nick signed the docket.

"I'll do that, buddy," he replied, still slightly weirded out that his wife had spent a night in that guy's bed, making up a musical about a gay wolf finding acceptance. Sure, they weren't even together then, but still. Shaking his head, he joined Big Bob at the bar and poured a drink for Kevin '97. Kevin nodded in his direction, and Nick nodded back in mutual respect. Kevin had been there the first time he had set foot behind that bar, and he was the one unbroken constant in Nick's life since dropping out of law school besides Schmidt and Winston.

The front door swung open, and Reagan appeared. She was wearing a leather jacket, jeans and heels. Even now, Nick was astounded as to how different to Jess she really was. When Nick had first met her, it was her similarity to Jess in the looks department that caught his eye. With her long dark hair and her blue eyes, if he squinted just right, he could always make himself believe that it was Jess he was making out with, or spooning to him after a late night drinking session. Now, he could only see the differences. The not-very-expressive face, the way she almost never wore pretty, floaty dresses or pantyhose or tights. She even smelled different, all professional salon products, and not the cheap fruity shampoo and soap that Nick often found himself sniffing over the inbetween years from the bottles as he showered, imagining Jess's curves against him as he jerked himself off under the stream of hot water.

"Hey, Nick." She took a seat at the bar in front of him and smiled. "It's really good to see you again."

Nick smiled awkwardly, his back starting to sweat. He mentally slapped himself and asked, "Can I get you something to drink?"

She quirked an eyebrow and said, "I'll just have my usual." She pulled her phone out of her purse and started typing.

Nick just stared at her. _Her usual? It's been eight years, Reagan, what is your usual?_ "Sorry, you'll have to remind me..." he trailed off.

Reagan's eyes widened and then she said, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I just thought you'd remember...I'll have a Manhattan."

Nick prepared her drink and placed it on the counter in front of her. "It's on the house." He took a five out of the plastic bag in his pocket and put it in the register.

"Thanks. So, you really own this whole place, now?" She looked around. "It hasn't changed a bit."

He pushed the sleeves of his flannel higher up his forearms. "Well, I own a third of it. Schmidt and Winston own the other two thirds. We're equal partners. I do tend bar here every so often, though, when I can get away from the ol' typewriter." He mimed typing and instantly clammed up.

"That's amazing, I'm so glad things have turned themselves around so much for you. You're like a completely different person." Reagan sipped her drink and then asked, "No kids today?"

"Winston and Schmidt are watching them while I'm here. They're watching embarrassing home movies of me right now." He chuckled in spite of himself.

"And, are you still writing?" Reagan enquired.

"Yeah, my next book is actually due out early next year. It's Pepperwood number one, but told from the point of view of Jessica Knight." He pointed to a framed magazine article on the wall. "Oprah called Pepperwood her guilty pleasure read just last year." 

"Well, I never did get around to reading it, it didn't really sound like my thing, but I'm happy it's all worked out for you." Nick was still slightly hurt that Reagan had never bothered to read Pepperwood. Even now, eight years and a terrible TV movie later, she hadn't cracked it open. Jess had thrown a premiere party for the movie, and they had dressed up as a family as Pepperwood, Jessica and Schmith. She had even resurrected his original blue Pepperwood hat from her memory box under the bed, where it had been tucked in underneath one of his flannels.

"So, how are things going in your new job?" Nick was stalling, and he knew it, but Reagan didn't ask, and he didn't want to just bring it up out of the blue.

"Great, I have a meeting with the Chinese sales team about the new Trench Lung vaccine tomorrow morning." She finished her drink and hopped down from her stool. She strode over to the pictures lining the walls. She stopped in front of a picture of his boys and said, "The older boy looks really like you, but the younger one must take after his mom, huh?"

Great, an opportunity. Nick opened his mouth to reply. No words would come out. He poured himself a shot of Jack Daniels and knocked it back for Dutch courage. He tried again.

"Yeah, he really looks like my wife. He's got my eyes, though." _Jess_ , he thought frantically. _He looks like Jess. Seriously Miller, this is not hard to say!_

Reagan turned around in surprise. "Oh, are you married? Cause I just assumed yesterday that you weren't. Your kids really have an Uncle Ernie? Cause usually when I hear the mom being away with 'Uncle' whoever from the doctors I work with, it's code for a stepdad."

"Yeah, Ernie is a family friend." _Coach, she's met Coach, just tell her it's Coach, Miller!_ "She's out of town at a conference." _Jess is at a teaching conference. She comes back tomorrow. I left you for her!_ Nick could feel the sweat pooling on his lower back.

"How long have you been married?" Reagan was walking back over towards the bar.

"J-just over five years! We got married on a hospital corridor outside the room where Aly was giving birth to DanBill. You met him yesterday." _Seriously Miller, tell her now! Reagan, I got back together with Jess about three days after we split up and we have been together ever since. I'm married to her, she is the love of my life, and the mother of my children! You're such a goddamn pussy!_ The words just wouldn't come. Reagan huffed out a quiet laugh.

"That sounds like the Nick Miller I know. Not going for anything too romantic or pre-planned." Her phone buzzed. "Oh, well, I gotta go, I'm meeting my date at a coffee place called Artie's. It's been nice catching up. We should do this again some time." She hopped off the stool, leaned over the bar, placed a quick peck on his cheek, and walked towards the exit.

"Reagan!" he called after her. She paused and turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Watch out for Artie. I once had to punch him out of Jess's bed cause he was trying to sleep with her while we were together." Nick dug his fingers into the bar top and swore under his breath. Reagan just laughed and walked out the door. _While we were together, Miller?!? What the hell was that?_

Nick put his head down on the counter and yelled out a string of expletives. He kicked the underside of the bar and shouted, "Why couldn't I just have said Jess. She only needed to hear that I'm married to Jess!!"

Kevin '97 looked up from where he was staring soulfully into his scotch and uttered, "Miller, you're a goddamn idiot." Nick did not need to be told twice as he hastily wiped down the bar and headed back to Mars Landing to relieve the guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review!


	6. The Power To Charm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Insert Nick scream here* You guys are all so awesome, thanks for all the positive feedback!

"Wow, he has really not aged well, has he?" Rose leaned across and slurred into Jess's ear. She collapsed into a fit of tipsy giggles.

Jess turned and caught Coach's eye. She smiled and said, "You don't need to follow me around, Coach. Go have fun with your school friends. I'm feeling much better now, honest!"

Jess reached out and took an egg roll off of the tray in front of her. Her appetite had come back, and she hadn't been sick in a few hours. "See, I'm good!" Coach just nodded, picked up his beer and made a beeline for Ryan. Jess surveyed her ex from across the conference center. He was standing in the middle of a crowd of other teachers, probably accepting compliments on his lecture. Jess had to admit that she had been impressed with his talk, but she didn't feel totally comfortable approaching him to chat.

"Seriously, can you imagine if you had married that guy? Holy premature baldness, Jess!" Rose snorted again. Jess patted Rose on the back and sighed.

"Come on, Rose, looks aren't everything. But, then, can you imagine what he's saying about me after how I ended things? I think I'm much better off as I am. Hey, lets go mingle for a little while." Jess picked up her glass of orange juice. "Can't have you being my only new hire of the night."

Rose had jumped at the chance to get away from Coolidge Middle. Becky Cavatappi had moved up into a high-ranking administration role in the State Department of Education, and her replacement was dangerously incompetent. Teachers were jumping ship all summer, and Rose was only too happy to throw her lot in with Jess.

"This is exciting, Jess. I'm really looking forward to working with you again, it's been far too long!" Rose staggered slightly as they wandered over towards a group of younger teachers, heads pressed together as they discussed their methods. A pretty redhead who was speaking animatedly caught her eye.

"Miss Day? Oh gosh, it's really nice to see you!" Sarah Schiller had really grown up, and Jess was taken aback slightly at her enthusiasm. It seemed that she had taken after her mother far more than Russell.

"Sarah? Wow, you're so grown up, look at you! Also, please, call me Jess! Are you teaching now?" Jess shook off the awkwardness building in her gut.

"I'm working as a teaching assistant at the moment, I'm doing my Masters in Education at UCLA." She brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked around at the group. "Guys, this is Jessica Day. She's the founder and principal of Day-Miller Academy. She was my sixth grade teacher and she is the whole reason I became a teacher in the first place. She gave me a really awkward pep-talk once, and it kind of stuck with me."

Jess blushed as she remembered that day, her and Nick pleading for Sarah to come out of her bedroom, and the incredibly awkward small talk she had to make with Ouli afterwards. She had to apologise so much for Cece and Schmidt's antics that night.

"Sarah, that's amazing. I didn't know you knew _the_ Jessica Knight!", a tall brunette squealed.

Jess took a step back and awkwardly danced from foot to foot. "Please, Jessica Knight is fictional, I'm merely the inspiration behind the character..."

Sarah laughed and gently slapped her friend. "So, how is Nick?"

Jess could see the awkward pre-teen in her mind's eye, loudly professing her feelings for Nick. Jess fought back a giggle. "He's good, he's currently working on his new book, should be out next year!"

"That's awesome. My dad came home from your wedding, rambling manically about a crazy old Asian man and clutching a bouquet of flowers. I thought he was drunk, and he started burning his signed Pepperwood first editions in the fireplace in his office. I never did ask him what happened..." She trailed off, looking at Jess questioningly.

"Sarah, that's very much not my story to tell, but tell your dad that Nick would be happy to sign a new set for him anytime. It's crazy how much he still loves your dad!" Jess passed around her business card to the group. "If you guys are interested, we have some openings for the new school year, just give me a call if you want to arrange an interview." She tugged Rose away from a very scared looking young man and shook her head. Rose was a loose cannon when she was sober, but drunk Rose was just downright cougar.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom, why don't you go keep Foster company til I get back?" Alan Foster was deep in conversation with Lorenzo about his latest Asian girlfriend.

\--

Jess stepped lightly around a large group of laughing people and made her way over towards the ladies' room. Once she was ensconced inside a cubicle, she heaved a sigh of relief and dug around in her purse for her phone. She dialled Nick's number as she slipped her shoes off. A wave of dizziness washed over her, and she bent over to place her head between her knees.

"Hey, Day!" Nick answered, cheerfully. "How did the rest of your day go? See what I did there?" She could hear the sounds of the microwave and Beyonce's _Crazy In Love_ playing in the background. Jess chuckled. Nick's obsession with Beyonce would never not be hilarious and strangely endearing to her.

"It went okay. Rose is very drunk, Coach is off with his pals and I'm sitting on a toilet talking to you. I might as well be at a wedding, Miller." She smiled as she sat back up, the lightheaded feeling passing. "Are you cooking?"

Nick chuckled. "I'm re-heating leftovers for the boys, Cece dropped over some meatloaf and potatoes after she got home from work, said that she promised to look in on me. Jess, you know I'm capable of providing for my family, right?"

Jess made a mental note to thank Cece for that later. _Always the mama bear_ , she thought. "I do know that, but you were in such a mood yesterday that I thought you should have some back up. Hey, can I talk to the boys for a minute?"

Nick put the phone on speaker and walked to the living room. A peal of Reggie's laughter was followed by Nick calling, "Pause that and come talk to Ma!"

"Ma, guess what? Uncle Schmidt got sick this morning and it was green! Is he an alien?" Reggie excitedly grabbed Nick's phone.

"Green, huh? Was he melon balling, Nick?" Jess shuddered at the thought and a wave of nausea rolled through her.

"He sure was. Guys Night got a little crazy after the kids went to bed." Nick cleared his throat.

"The jury is still out on whether Uncle Schmidt is an alien or not, kiddo, but I think he just drank a bunch of green stuff." Jess shook her head.

"Daddy was crying on the TV!" Mitch piped up.

"He looks a bit like Jesus!" Reggie giggled.

"Oh yeah? What were you watching?" Jess was genuinely confused.

"They found my Caroline DVD in the box. Is that appropriate viewing for kids under five?" Nick asked.

"I didn't think we still had that! We should probably throw it away, there's no way you're going back to Caroline now!" Jess fiddled with her wedding band and sighed. "I cannot wait to see you guys tomorrow. I miss you all so much!"

"Is Uncle Ernie coming to visit?" Reggie called.

"Not this time, kiddo, but he and Aunt May and the girls are going to swing by here before Thanksgiving!"

Mitch cried, "Butthead, we have Aunt May. Spider-Man!!!!"

"Hey, that's _Captian_ Butthead!"

"Alright, J-Day, I think I'm gonna feed these superheroes now. I love ya, drive safe. I'll keep your side of the bed warm for you." Jess felt a tear trickle down her cheek.

"I love you, too, Mr. Suspenders. I'll see you tomorrow!" Jess rang off and put her phone back into her purse. She stood up and brushed a hand through her bangs. Her purse slipped out of her grasp and its contents spilled out onto the floor. She bent down and scooped everything back in, pausing slightly as she looked at the tampon wrapper in her hand.

_Oh, God!_ she screamed in her head. _I can't be, right? That's not why I'm feeling so bad these past few days._ Reaching for her date book, she flipped through the pages and made some calculations. _Shit!_

She quickly stood up and raced out of the bathroom, and ran right into Ryan's chest. "Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" he asked, reaching a hand out to steady her. His warm English accent held a trace of concern.

"Oh, Ryan, I'm fine, I'm just not feeling very well, I'm gonna head to bed!" She extricated herself from his grip and marched steadily towards the elevators.

"Jess, I was actually hoping to talk to you. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the way things ended. I was an idiot for not making it to your dad's wedding, and I can't stop thinking about how much I must have hurt you." Ryan tried to follow her, but Jess turned around and held her hand out to stop him.

"Actually, Ryan, there's no need for you to apologise. Because, I'm not sorry that I broke up with you. I have an amazing life with Nick and my children and our dog, and I run my own school. And, I never think about you now. It never would have worked out between us, mainly due to timing. You were someone that I forced myself to keep dating because I was trying to get over the love of my life that I still lived with. And, I don't mean to be hurtful, but I have to be honest with you. You deserved to be happy, and you were never gonna get that with me." Jess took a deep breath as Ryan's face fell. "I'm sorry."

Coach ambled over, his glasses perched at the end of his nose. "Jessica Day, Pistons butt bump!" He jammed his butt into Jess's and clapped his hands. "Rose and I are gonna do some shots, you in?"

Jess smiled weakly and said, "Actually, Coach, I'm gonna head to bed. Don't overdo it, we have to get you back to LAX in one piece tomorrow." She turned to Ryan. "Goodnight, fair gentlemen!" she called in a mock British accent and stepped into the elevator. She slumped against the wall and put her head in her hands. Tomorrow could not come quick enough for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review!


	7. Sentimental Reasons

The Jack Daniels burned as it slipped down Nick's throat. He placed the tumbler back on his desk and stretched. Every muscle in his back seemed to unkink at once, and he groaned. He chanced a glance at the time on the bottom corner of his screen and his eyes widened in surprise. He flicked on his desk lamp, illuminating his study. He had been writing for almost four hours and he hadn't noticed how dark it had become outside. The house was very still and quiet, without the flicker of the TV or the laughter of the boys. They were both exhausted from their weekend activities and had gone to sleep with no fuss.

He had just gotten to the infamous 'Shed Scene' and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make the smutty encounter seem plausible from a female perspective. He would have to ask Jess to proof-read it tomorrow. She was always down for a research session either way. Just the thoughts of her back in his arms tomorrow made his muscles ache with tension. He just wanted to gaze into her blue eyes, run his hands through her curls, and show her how much he had missed her.

He saved his draft and shut down his computer. He poured himself another drink and wandered out into the living room. He needed to relax a bit in his recliner chair before he went to bed, or he would never be able to fall asleep. He was completely unused to being alone in his bed. It no longer felt natural. Even when Jess went out for girls' night, she would come home to find him passed out in front of ESPN, waiting for her to come home.

As he was walking through the downstairs hallway, his eyes alighted on a framed picture across from the bottom of the stairs, above the key hook. It was a photo of Nick, Jess, Schmidt, Cece, Winston, Robby, and the singer Darlene Love, from the Christmas before Nick and Jess had gotten back together. Jess was beaming from her surprise, with shredded bar receipts in her hair, and was holding Furguson in her arms. Nick had his arms around her shoulders, smiling gently down at her. Schmidt and Cece were caught mid-embrace, and Winston and Robby had their arms around Darlene, with Winston clearly having a mini heart attack being so close to a celebrity. Nick had insisted that it go up on the wall when they had moved in, because it was one of those captured moments where you could clearly see his heart eyes for Jess, even though they were both still well in denial about it then. Nick's heart pounded when he realised that Reagan had taken that picture, and she had witnessed it first hand, if she knew him well enough to know what to look for.

Nick continued into the living room and relaxed onto the recliner. He put his feet up and switched the TV on. There was an old football game playing and he turned the volume low and started to reminisce more about that Christmas. It was really the turning point in his and Reagan's relationship. He had had that fight with Jess in the bar office about him flying to Seattle to surprise Reagan and he had called her out on her acting weird since he had come back from New Orleans. She had denied that anything was going on, and he had believed her. But, he also had let slip his frustration that nothing he did was ever good enough for her, and that he was doing everything that he could to make her happy. He had said it without thinking, and had immediately started hoping that she didn't read too much into it. He was normally so guarded around her, to spare his own feelings, and he had almost let it slip that he still loved her. But, she had fled his office, telling him that she was flying Reagan out for the night to surprise him for Secret Santa, and he had instantly deflated and felt terrible. Nick closed his eyes and let the memory of the rest of that night play out.

\--

After the gang had surprised Jess with the impromptu concert that Robby and Nick had put together for her, he and Reagan had retreated to his bedroom. Reagan was still wearing her Mrs Claus outfit, and he had sprawled spread-eagle on his bed. Jess had washed his sheets that afternoon and had used her expensive fabric softener, making his bed smell amazing. Reagan smiled and leaned over him to place an urgent kiss on his mouth. Nick kissed her back, pulling her atop him, letting his arms encircle her hips. She gave a breathy moan and Nick stiffened, a weird feeling in his gut. That moan was all wrong. His mind kept playing the day's events in his mind. All Nick could think about was Jess and her Christmas pajamas, and her glasses, and the fact that he could see her nipples through her pajama top when he had brought her cocoa. He couldn't get her delighted smile and her disbelieving laugh when she saw her present out of his head. He realised with a start that he had been imagining that it was Jess in his arms, and that he had been waiting for her deep rumble of a moan instead. He pulled back from the kiss and reached over and flipped his lamp off.

"Nick, are you alright?" Reagan asked, stroking a hand under his flannel shirt and running her fingernails over his chest. His stomach tightened as the guilt washed through him. _Get your head in the game, Nick!_ he scolded himself.

"Yeah, I'm good, why?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Because," Reagan moved her hand down to run it up the inside of his thigh, "you don't really seem that into this..."

Nick was confused for a second, before he realised that his erection had immediately retreated when she had moaned. This hadn't happened to him before with Reagan. It had only happened once before in his life, and that was with Jess, when Schmidt had gotten into his head, preying on his insecurities. This was all him, though. He had gotten all caught up in his own head.

"Sorry, guess I'm just a bit tired." He rolled them over, placing Reagan underneath him, spreading her legs. He leaned forward to place a kiss on her thigh, and sighed against her skin. Once again, he couldn't help but be reminded of the his beautiful ex-girlfriend across the hall, who was probably packing for her trip home for Christmas tomorrow. He imagined all the different sweaters and pretty skirts that she would be wearing over the next few days, and felt his cock start to harden. He pressed himself closer to Reagan and kissed her passionately, grinding his semi against her hip. She tugged his shirt off and ran her nails down his back.

"Please, Nicky, I want you," she breathed against his lips, and Nick just felt himself shrink again. _Dammit, why does she have to keep talking tonight!_ He rolled off of her and onto the bed.

"Seems we have a bit of a Groundhog Day situation, here..." he said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Reagan just eyed him warily. "What?"

Nick put on a goofy, Jess-like accent and said, "Six more weeks of winter!" He smiled, hoping that Reagan would laugh along.

But instead, she said, "I have no idea what's happening here, Nick. Is this supposed to be funny? I'm only here for tonight. Are we gonna have sex or not?" She seemed mildly irritated, but Nick couldn't tell if it was because she was frustrated at his impotence, or because she was missing out on valuable prep time for her meeting tomorrow.

Nick just turned around and said, "I don't think it's happening tonight, Reagan. I'm sorry. Maybe we should just go to sleep." He pulled the comforter up around himself as she sighed.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Reagan slipped out of his room and wandered down the hall. She had left the door open, and just before he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, he caught a glimpse of Jess wandering back to her room, her wet hair piled in a bun at the nape of her neck, wrapped in her little towel. Her long legs looked incredible as she stepped into her room and closed the door. Nick's cock immediately sprang back to full hardness. He sighed, taking his length in hand and stroked himself. He reached over to his bedside table and retrieved a Kleenex. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the memory of the first time he had seen Jess naked, the towel falling away to reveal her perfect breasts, her flat stomach, the incredible curves of her ass. Nick could feel the pressure mounting and stroked harder, fisting himself faster, imagining that Jess was writhing on top of him, seconds from coming undone, her face flushed and her breasts heaving. Nick came hard into his fist, his hips bucking up with the intensity of his orgasm, Jess's name escaping his lips in a whispered scream.

He quickly cleaned himself up and closed his eyes. He could hear Reagan's footsteps coming back from the bathroom. She quickly slipped out of her outfit and changed into one of his shirts, and he felt the bed dip as she settled herself in beside him. Nick drifted off. When he awoke, Reagan had already left for the airport.

\--

Nick left for the airport at 11am on Christmas Eve. Winston had pulled the Christmas shift at the station and was staying in LA with Schmidt and Cece for the holidays. Jess had left earlier that morning to catch her own flight. She was spending Christmas with her mom and Abby and Abby's ex-con boyfriend.

Nick finally made it through TSA without very much hassle. He was on a no-fly list, so it often made going through security very difficult, but everyone seemed to just want to get through the Christmas rush without incident. He settled into his seat for the three hour and thirty minute flight, sending a quick text to Jamie to let him know his ETA.

Once he had landed in O'Hare and caught a cab, he allowed himself to relax. He was looking forward to spending the next few days with his Ma, Jamie, DeAnn and baby Taylor. He reached into his pocket and sent a quick text to Reagan apologising for the night before and telling her that he made it home in one piece. He also sent a text to Schmidt and to Jess.

By the time the cab pulled up outside his childhood home, it was starting to get dark, and he trudged up the front walk, admiring the neighbours' Christmas displays. Jamie met him at the door, with Taylor in his arms, and Nick automatically reached out for his niece, pulling her close and inhaling her soft baby scent. "I'm so glad you're home, Nicky. The house is full of the women from Ma's knitting group, and we needed some extra testosterone around the joint."

Nick clapped Jamie on the back and went in search of his Ma. He passed through the kitchen, where he gave DeAnn a kiss on the cheek, and handed Taylor over. He shrugged off his coat and his gloves and placed his overnight bag under the stairs. He reached the living room, where he could hear the sounds of his Ma's knitting group oooh-ing and aaah-ing over a project that one of them had completed. He opened the door and his Ma spotted him.

"Oh, Nicky, you made it! Girls, you all remember my boy, Nicky?" Bonnie enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy it. Over her shoulder, Nick caught sight of another familiar face on the screen behind him.

"Jess? What...?" He trailed off at the sight of Jessica Damn Day, wearing a red Christmas sweater with a reindeer on the front, a pair of knitting needles threaded with silver yarn in her hands. She blushed and gave a little wave.

Bonnie released him and told him he was welcome to stay in the room, that they would be finished their meeting soon. She turned to the sceen and said, "Now, Jessica dear, what were you saying about the long tail cast on?"

Nick sat on the sofa, facing the screen as Jess gave a well-received debate about something to do with knitting that Nick was only half listening to. He stared dumbfounded at the screen, trying to figure out why Jess was video calling his mother about knitting. When she reached the end of her passionate rant, the women around him, including Bonnie, applauded.

Bonnie picked up a tea cup and said, "Thank you, Jess. That was very informative. So, this will be our last meeting until January, everyone. Jessica, have a wonderful Christmas and thank your mother for the wonderful homemade soaps she sent, they're just charming."

"I sure will, Bonnie. Merry Christmas girls, Bonnie. Merry Christmas, Nick, see you when you get home." Jess placed her knitting needles down and beamed at them all.

There was a chorus of "Bye, Jess" from the other women, and Bonnie called out, "Talk next time, be sure to forward me on those patterns for Taylor's Easter bonnet, I'll have to start looking for yarn matches soon."

Jess signed off and the women began to pack their things to leave. They all wished Nick a happy holiday as they passed him. Nick sat on the couch and waited for his mother to return.

"Nicky, I'm so glad you're home!" Bonnie handed him a cold beer.

"Thanks Ma, it's good to be home!" He twisted off the top and took a gulp. "Why was Jess video calling you, Ma?"

Bonnie unfolded her knitting and smiled. "She's part of our knitting group. She video calls in for meetings every week."

Nick almost choked. _Every week? Why didn't I know that?_ "Really? I didn't know that, Ma."

"Well, I invited her to join our group while she was here for Jamie's wedding, and she has never missed a meeting since. It's nice to have someone young and enthusiastic about the craft." Bonnie paused and looked at her son carefully. "Even when you two ended things, she still checked in every week. She's still very much a part of this family, Nicholas, just like Winnie and Fat Schmidt. I've never had to miss not having her around. And, it's nice to get regular updates on how you're doing."

Nick blushed. He didn't call home nearly often enough for his Ma's tastes. "Jess tells you about my life?"

"Just in passing. She told us about the bar and the manager's position before you got around to it. She gave us all the details about Fat Schmidt's wedding and how you successfully lied for the first time ever. She told us about how proud she was that you had accomplished something while you were in New Orleans with that new girl of yours, but she wouldn't tell us what it was. She's a good girl, Nicky, and you're lucky to still have her in your life to take care of you. Your dad would have liked that." She reached over and patted his hand. "What do you say we watch _The Christmas Story_?"

Nick fingered the coin in his pocket and for the second day in a row, his thoughts were filled with nothing but Jessica Day.

\--

Nick was pulled back to reality with a cry from Mitch's room upstairs. He called up "I'm coming, buddy!" and climbed up off the chair, flipped off the TV and headed up to bed. He slept that night with Mitch curled up in the bed beside him, listening to the deep, even breaths of his youngest son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	8. The Mirror's Reflection

_Negative_

Jess heaved a sigh and placed the pregnancy test back on the cistern. She was actually surprised at the disappointment she felt in that moment. She walked to the sink and washed her hands, before pulling off her glasses and splashing some cold water onto her face.

_I must be crazy_ , she thought. She dried her hands and face on the handtowel beside the sink and walked out to her bedroom. The bed was unmade, and a pile of Nick's socks and underwear were on the floor beside the laundry hamper. Muttering under her breath, she picked them up to put them into the hamper. _Honestly, it literally only takes like one extra second, Nick_. She paused, with the lid in her hand, and stared at the sight before her. Nick's grey Henley was sitting on top, which was fine, but something about it had triggered something in her mind. She looked closer, and gasped. There was an unmistakeable sweat stain on the back. Her eyes widened in surprise.

_Sweatback?_ She placed the underwear on top of the shirt and replaced the lid. _What could Nick be lying about?_ She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. Her forehead creased in worry. _And, who was he lying to?_ She didn't think it could be her. Jess was so good at reading Nick, she always had been. She could always get him to fold like a lawnchair. She sat up and slipped her shoes off, making a mental note to ask him about it when he got home.

Nick had rung her on his way to his meeting earlier. He sounded exhausted, but he had said that Mitch had woken in the night and ended up spending the night in their bed. Jess had been in the middle of her hotel breakfast. Coach, to her left, was wearing sunglasses indoors. Jess had placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of him, and he had gagged, before chugging some water and tucking in. Nick had sounded relatively normal, though, and explained that he would pick the boys up on his way home. She had dropped Coach off at LAX and after a round of hugs and promises to meet up soon, he had run to catch his flight back to North Carolina. She had returned to an empty house and had run up to the bathroom, so intent on finding out whether she was pregnant for certain.

Her thoughts drifted back to the test. _So, if I'm not pregnant, what the hell is wrong with me?_. She pulled her phone from her purse and dialed Sadie's office. Her secretary pencilled her in for an appointment in two days. Sadie was taking some vacation days, she explained. Jess took the appointment and rang off.

Deciding that she needed to take her mind off things for a while, she walked back to the bathroom, pulling her dress off as she did. She turned on the shower and as she was waiting for the water to heat up, she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She unclipped her bra and slipped off her panties. She stood up straight, examining her body. Her breasts were heavier these days, her stomach a bit more flabby than usual. She really needed to start seriously working out again. She turned around and winced at the cellulite and stretchmarks along the back of her thighs. Nick had never looked at her any differently after she had had their children, but she sometimes got shy around him these days, especially when she was getting ready for work and he was ogling her from the bed. She had never felt self-conscious with him before, but she supposed that these feelings are heightened when all the magazines she reads keep telling women that they were never going to be perfect until they had lost the baby weight.

Stepping under the warm spray of the shower, Jess felt the tension melt from her. She reached over and grabbed her loofah, lathering it up. She threw her head back and started to hum a tune, before belting out the words of Linda Perry's _What's Up?_. This was her signature karaoke song, and she had missed out on performing it the other night at the conference. The natural acoustics of the enclosed space amplified her rich voice, creating wonderful echoes. She scrubbed herself down.

She had just gotten to the last verse and was heading into the final chorus when the shower door opened behind her. She span around in alarm and came face to face with a very naked Nick Miller, who beamed and stepped in to join her, placing his large, calloused hands on her hips. She gave a squeal of delight and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into her for a sweet kiss. "Welcome home!" he sighed against her mouth, pulling her closer until their bodies were pressed together tightly.

"Wait, where are the boys?" Jess pulled away slightly, dropping the loofah from her grip.

Nick chuckled and said, "Schmidt has taken them to the bar for a soda, said he wanted to give us time to 'catch up'." She felt his hands slide over her wet skin, from her waist to her back, to tangle in her dripping hair.

Jess wrinkled her nose. "That's both incredibly weird and strangely touching."

Nick smiled. "It's very Schmidt, you mean?" He leaned back in and captured her lips with his own again. She brought her hands down to wrap around his forearms, feeling his taut muscles under her palms. She moaned softly as she felt his stiff cock bobbing against her stomach.

"So, I take it you missed me then, Miller?" she breathed, jerking her hips up into his, making him nod enthusiastically.

"You have no idea, Miller." He brought his lips to her throat, gently applying pressure, before licking a trail across her collarbone and shoulder. His hands worked their way down to cup her ass, before reaching the backs of her thighs. Jess gave an involutary gasp as she felt him hoist her into the air, her legs automatically parting and sliding around his waist. Her arms wound their way back around his neck.

"Nick, be careful, your back!" she cried. He backed her up against the shower wall, and she reached out with one hand to grab onto the shower head.

"Trust me, I got this." His fingers slid down her thigh and she could feel herself shudder at his touch. Nick's hands were rough from all the years of manual labour in the bar, and while they felt like hooves from time to time, they never failed to make her putty in his hands. She drew in a shuddering breath as she felt him slip a finger roughly inside her, his lips clamping around her nipple. He added a second finger, and started to stroke into her, pulling back and curling his fingers until she was seeing stars.

"Fuck, Nick!" She bucked her hips and reached her free hand down to stroke him, feeling him harden further and twitch under her touch. She felt incredibly powerful, seeing the effect that she had on him.

She moaned wetly into his ear, "Please, I need you..." He pulled his fingers out and pushed himself quickly into her wetness, bottoming out in one stroke. She felt deliciously stretched, and she hung on for dear life as he withdrew and snapped his hips back in roughly. He fisted a hand in her hair. She loved it when he lost control, when she could make him snap and just take her. It always made her think of their first kiss, when his hands had been everywhere, and she had seen through time and space. 

"I...missed you...so much, honey. Never leave again." He rasped, and she felt him swell further inside her. His hand slid down and he grabbed her hip tightly enough to bruise. He was hitting that sweet spot inside her, and she arched her back. She felt herself go boneless as the sensations overwhelmed her, and she clamped her teeth down on his shoulder as she came. He gave a gutteral moan as he released inside her, calling her name.

He laid her gently back on her feet, and turned her around, spooning her close to him. He pulled her back under the spray of the water, and gently kissed her as the aftershocks raced through her. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she whispered back and reached a hand back to cup his cheek. She turned in his arms, reaching behind her to grab his shampoo, and lathered his hair. She ran her fingers across his scalp, and he allowed her to pull him under the water to rinse. She relished these little moments, when he just let her love him however she wanted.

He reached over and turned the shower off, and opened the door. He drew her out onto the bathmat and wrapped her in her large, fluffy towel. He wrapped his around his waist, and proceeded to run another over her head, making her giggle. "So, I think I may have an unhealthy fixation on that song." He toweled her hair briskly, and she let herself enjoy the sensation of being cared for.

"Yeah, who knew lesbian rock from the 90s could do that?" she giggled. She batted his hands away and he dropped the towel away from her head.

"Don't even get me started on kd lang, she's my sweet spot!" He wandered over to the sink, and pulled his comb through his hair. She watched his back muscles flex and enjoyed the view.

"So, how did the meeting go?" she asked, bending over to grab her panties from the pile on the floor. She slipped them up her legs and squealed as she felt Nick's teeth graze her right buttcheek. "Nick, what the hell?"

"Just following directions," he smirked, raising an eyebrow at her choice of underwear. She flushed as realisation hit her. The words _Kiss My Ass_ were emblazoned across the back.

"You're an ass, you clown." She clipped her bra into place.

"To answer your question, Merle is pleased with my progress, and he's trying to organize for me to do a reading of it at Socalyalcon next year..." Nick trailed off. "Jess, are you...? Do you think you're...?"

Jess turned around to find him beaming, eyes alight with surprise, and with her forgotten pregnancy test in his hand. "Oh, no, it's negative. I thought I might be, but obviously I'm not."

His face fell slightly. "Oh, right. But, you're gonna go see Sadie and make sure, right?"

Jess smiled. "I've already booked my appointment. It's not for a couple of days, though." She reached over and took the test from his hand. She threw it into the bin in the corner. "Nick, I peed on that..."

He hugged her tightly to him. "You know, if you were, that would be so great. Maybe we would have a little girl this time. I've always imagined what a little mini Jess would be like."

Jess looked up into his eyes. "Really?"

Nick met her gaze and kissed her forehead lightly. "But, you know, if you're not, that's okay too." He ran a hand through his freshly combed hair. "Our family is perfect, whether we have two kids or three or a million. I've just thought about it a bit, is all."

Jess widened her eyes in surprise. Nick expressing his feelings on these kinds of things still had the ability to shock her, and it would have seemed alien for them to have had this conversation even five years ago. She realised that she hadn't replied and he pulled away to get dressed.

"You know, Jess, I would be up for trying for another, if that's what you want. We're still young, and the boys are still young enough that we wouldn't have too much of a gap." Jess pulled her dress over her head and smiled at his retreating form, as he bounced on one leg, trying to put a sock on as he went.

"I'll certainly think about that, Miller." He looked very pleased with himself as he ran downstairs to meet Schmidt at the front door.

Jess picked up the towels from the floor, brushed her hair, and joined her family in the living room. The boys came racing over to hug her, and she sat and listened to their stories about the weekend. Nick went into the kitchen to start dinner, and Reggie asked if they could watch the last DVD from the box. Jess put it in and pulled Mitch into her lap, marvelling at how big he had gotten. Reggie cuddled up into her side as Schmidt and Cece's wedding started to play. "Wow, is that Aunt Cece?" Reggie asked. "And Uncle Schmidt?"

Jess smiled as she and Nick appeared on screen, arm in arm, as maid of honor and best man. "Yup, this is their wedding. It was in our living room in the loft, where we all used to live together."

Mitch wriggled a bit, and Jess placed a soft kiss on his curls. She felt herself tearing up at their vows, and laughed when Nick produced the douchebag jar for Schmidt to smash. The party kicked off, and as the Hora was being performed, she heard Mitch shout "That's Dad's friend from the park!" Jess looked at the screen to find Cece and Schmidt being hoisted into the air on their chairs, and could see Schmidt's mom Louise, Coach and Reagan laughing at the sight. She laughed and said, "You silly, that's Ruth and Moses's grandma and Uncle Coach! And that's Reagan, she was a friend of ours."

Nick appeared beside Reagan and kissed her. "Ew, why are they kissing, Ma?" Reggie looked at her disgustedly.

"Because she and your dad were dating. This was before your dad and I got together." Reggie asked if they could watch cartoons instead, and she flipped off the DVD player and went to the kitchen to help Nick.

"Hey Nick! It was the Parekh-Schmidt wedding on the last DVD, so we should label it." She skipped around the kitchen island and put her arms around him.

"Cool, I'll do that later." He reached for her hand and twirled her around. "You looked so amazing in that red maid of honor dress. I was so in love with you that night, and if the Hora line hadn't come through, I'm pretty sure I would have kissed you then." Nick sighed. "So much wasted time, Jess. I was an idiot."

Jess took his hands in hers. "Nick, you're so hard on yourself. We found our way back to one another eventually. I meant what I said that night. You're incredible." Taking a wooden spoon in hand, she turned on the stove and started cooking.


	9. So Lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, I really appreciate it. :-)

The Griffin was oddly crowded for a Wednesday night. There was some kind of convention in town, and there were middle-aged men in rumpled suits as far as Nick could see. The regulars were all huddled in groups around the bar. Nick grabbed a towel and started pulling glasses from the dishwasher. Julio appeared at his shoulder. "You okay if I take off, man?"

"Sure, just make sure you grab your paycheck from the office, it's pinned to the noticeboard." Nick clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks for coming in on such short notice, I appreciate it."

"You sure you're going to be okay here by yourself? It's a bit chaotic." Julio frowned. "Typical Bob had to choose now to get sick, sometimes I think he has some sort of sixth sense."

Nick grinned. "Yeah, it's almost like he can smell when it's going to be a busy night. Seriously, pal, get outta here, I've got it covered." He polished a glass and placed it on the shelf.

Bob had called in sick that afternoon, just as Nick was getting somewhere with his latest chapter. Jess and the boys had gone to the mall to get school supplies for Reggie's start in kindergarten next week, and he had fully immersed himself in the noirish New Orleans that he had created. The fish market scene was the one that had really just flowed when he had written it the first time, because it was basically just taking his thoughts and throwing them onto the page. It was a parallel to his and Jess's first date, and the dilemma that they faced about whether it was or not. But, trying to get the Jessica Knight voice to fit into the scene was hard for him. So, it actually came as a relief when he needed to sort out his staffing problems. Julio had agreed to cover the afternoon and part of the evening, and Nick said that he would cover the night shift until closing.

Julio waved as he was leaving, and Nick turned around to close out a guy's tab. He left Nick a generous tip, winking as he accepted his change. Nick pulled a face as the guy blatantly checked him out. He thought that he would be used to those kinds of looks after living with Schmidt for nearly fifteen years, but apparently not. He turned to look over as he heard a familiar chuckle beside him.

"Damn Miller, you need to turn off the 'bear tap'. That guy was practically humping the bar for a bit of Miller action!"

Scowling, Nick turned around and prepared a vodka soda. "Cecelia, you can laugh, but he gave me a twenty dollar tip. So, maybe I should flaunt the bear thing more often." He placed the drink in front of her and eyed her cautiously. "What brings you here on a Wednesday night?" She was wearing one of her signature lady power-suits, but she had an air of exhaustion about her.

"I had a rough day! So, I'm pulling out a signature Nick Miller move, and I'm gonna drink til I feel better." Cece pulled the bobby pins out of her long brown hair and sighed as she curled her fingers around her neck.

"You maybe wanna talk about it?" Nick eyed the line of people crowding the bar, waiting to be served. Cece pointed in their direction.

"Go look after your customers, and then you can come back and give me terrible life advice. Winston is coming to join me soon, anyway." Nick kept a careful eye out for her as he served several people, throwing dirty looks at any of the men who came too close to Cece for his liking. He made sure to lighten up on the vodka for her second drink, and he just handed her a soda water for her third. She scowled, but he firmly said, "You have to go to work tomorrow, and I cannot have you being too hungover to function on my conscience."

Winston arrived a short while later as Nick was mixing up a tray of margaritas for a group of suits sitting in a booth by the door. He was wearing one of his signature bird shirts, lime green in color, and he swiftly pulled out his cop voice to scare away a guy who was staring at Cece's cleavage while she was bending over to retrieve a straw from behind the bar. "Hey, you're sitting in my seat, man. I'm gonna have to ask you to move along." The guy tried to argue, before Winston pointed to the photo behind the bar. "I'm the owner, get out of my seat before I throw you out."

Winston hopped up on the seat beside Cece, and he threw his arms around her in a friendly hug. He nodded across to Nick, who motioned that he was gonna bring the tray of margaritas over to the booth. Nick stood out from behind the bar and picked up the tray. He placed it down on the table, and quickly deposited the drinks in front of the crowd. "Thanks, Nick," he heard and he looked up into the eyes of Reagan, sitting in the middle of the group. She flashed him a small smile and he felt his stomach drop. She resumed the conversation with her seatmates and he lifted the tray to head back to the bar.

This was not good. He still hadn't told Jess about his run in with Reagan, and Cece and Winston were sitting at the bar. If they found out and told Jess before he could... _Oh, this is my nightmare!_

He jumped back behind the bar, pulling out a Heisler and setting it in front of Winston. He grabbed a tumbler and measured out a shot of bourbon, finishing it in one gulp.

Winston's eyebrows shot up. "You alright, man?" Cece sat up a bit straighter on her stool.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just feeling the pressure a bit, it's much busier than usual." He gestured around. Winston nodded, turning his attention back to Cece.

"So, what's up, babe? What's going on with you?" He placed a hand on her shoulder, gently.

Nick was surprised to spot a tear rolling down her cheek. He shifted uncomfortably. He was so utterly unused to seeing Cece upset, that he found it unsettling. Cece, like Nick, was the strong one, the one who hid feelings until they were sure that everyone else was okay first. He poured her another vodka soda and she smiled gratefully.

"I was supposed to take Ruth shopping today for shoes and clothes for school. I was all ready to go, packed up to leave the office, when one of my models started having a meltdown on set. So, instead of spending the afternoon with my daughter, I ended up talking a twenty year old Russian down off the ledge from which she was threatening to jump." She huffed. "Apparently, she was having some kind of bad trip, and they ended up cancelling the shoot. So, now I have to deal with insurance companies and her family, and I have to find a new model for the campaign before the company sues us."

Nick winced in sympathy. He turned around to serve Kevin '97, picking up the bottle of cold tea instead of scotch. He could tell from Kevin's eyes that he had been drinking for most of the day and had probably had enough. Kevin saluted him and proceeded to sip from the glass slowly. He took another order for a batch of margaritas from what he now knew to be Reagan's booth, and he told the guy that he would bring them over again.

Picking up his cocktail shaker, he turned back to Cece and Winston. "That sucks, Cece. So, busy day tomorrow, too?" He listened as Winston tried to offer some advice about dealing with insurance companies, and giving tips on how to give bad news to parents.

"Yeah, work is stressful, but that's not why I'm upset," Cece interrupted. She heaved a sigh. "I'm worried that I'm not spending enough time with my children. It just seems like work has completely taken control of my life. I mean, after all the hard work that Schmidt and I put into actually having them, I feel like I'm neglecting them. I know that they're both young and can shake it off, but I don't want to wake up one day and realise that I've missed all the little moments, you know?"

Nick finished his batch of margaritas, but before leaving the bar he said, "You know, Cece, you're very good at what you do. You kick ass in a male dominated field every day and your daughter and son respect the hell out of that. You're a great mom!" She smiled and raised her drink to him. "But, if your job is making you feel this bad, maybe you should consider taking a sabbatical?"

Winston nodded. "Yeah, or at least a mini-vacation. You sound stressed to breaking point. I mean, you're actually crying here, girl."

Cece nodded. "I know you guys are right, and that I'm probably overreacting, but there are days when I just want to throw in the towel and just come back and tend this bar, you know?"

Winston looked at her in alarm. "Oh, girl, now you're scaring me. When did you turn into Mr. Turtle Face over here?"

Nick glared at him, before turning back to Cece. "Ceec, you are more than welcome to come and work behind this bar every damn day of the rest of your life if that's what makes you happy. I will hire you on the spot, just say the word. But, maybe you should talk to Schmidt about how you're feeling. Because he loves you, and he only wants what's best for you, just like we all do."

Nick felt pretty damn proud of himself for his speech. He nodded, embarrassed, and made his way to Reagan's booth. He dropped off the drinks and Reagan called out, "Have an old-fashioned and put it on our tab, Nicky!" He took a deep breath and frowned slightly.

"That's alright, I'm working, but thanks anyway." He ran back to the bar, where he slumped down and tried to avoid the questioning looks of his friends.

"Miller, I've decided to take your advice and not have anymore booze tonight. I'm gonna head home and talk to Schmidt." Cece picked up her purse and hugged Winston goodbye. "See you guys on Saturday? Is Aly gonna come?"

Winston nodded eagerly. "There's no way that Aly's gonna miss out on Schmidt's pancake-a-rama. Hey, I'll walk you to your car." Winston pulled out his phone. "Nick, I'm gonna head out, too. The kids are with Leslie, I don't wanna take any chances."

Nick leaned over and hugged Winston. "Sure, I'll see you guys on Saturday." He put his hand on Cece's and said, "Look after yourself, kid. These things are not worth getting stressed over."

They left, walking right past Reagan's booth, and Nick heaved a relieved sigh that they didn't spot each other. He pulled out his phone and smiled at the picture of Jess he had as his home screen. There was a text from her, telling him that she was heading to bed, and to be safe getting home. The rest of his night was a blur, a mixture of mixing drinks and closing out tabs. He helped a few regulars into cabs and had started balancing the register when he felt a hand tugging his shirt sleeve.

Reagan was sitting at the bar, which had quietened considerably, and she was leaning over, cleavage on full display. "You need me to call you a cab? We're gonna be closing in a few minutes."

She smiled and said, "Actually, I was hoping you'd join me for a drink?" She brushed her hair over her shoulders and wobbled slightly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, I have to drive home. And, I think you've had enough." Nick patted her shoulder and returned to his receipts.

"Have to get back to the old ball and chain, huh, Nicky? She really has changed you, hasn't she?" Nick was surprised at the bitterness in her words.

"Is that really such a bad thing, Reagan? I needed to grow up. And, I needed somebody to love me by pushing my boundaries and making me want more from my life." He was surprised to find tears in her eyes when he next turned around.

"I could have been that for you, Nick. If you'd given me a chance..." She trailed off.

Nick just stared at her. Where was this coming from? "No, you couldn't have been that for me. Because that position had already been filled, Reagan. I just didn't realise it at the time."

The few remaining stragglers left the bar, calling out to Reagan. She waved them off and told them she'd be there in a minute. She walked around to Nick's side of the bar, grabbed him and planted her lips on his. Nick stood there for a few minutes, absolutely horrified, and then pushed her away with more force than he intended. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He ran a hand through his hair, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.

Reagan, wounded, walked towards the door. "I'm sorry. I'm drunk and I shouldn't have done that. Hell, I'm seeing someone, somewhat seriously. Your wife, whoever she is, is very lucky. I hope she knows that."

Nick shouted to her retreating back, "Reagan, there's something you need to know...about my wife..."

"I don't want to hear about her, Nick." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and walked out into the street.

\--

Nick arrived home at 4am, a knot of guilt in his stomach. Had he led her on in some way? Or, was she just really drunk and feeling sorry for herself? Her words kept repeating in his head. _I could have been that for you_. He shook that thought away. No, she couldn't have been. He had made the right choice the day he broke it off with her.

He climbed the stairs towards his bedroom, stopping briefly outside Reggie's door to look in at the light curls of his son's head. He tiptoed into his and Jess's room, stripped off his clothes and climbed into the warm bed beside his wife. She gave a satisfied purr as he placed a soft kiss on her shoulder as he spooned her to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and inhaled the fruity scent of her shampoo.

The nauseating feeling in his stomach kept him awake for a while, and eventually Jess turned in his arms and placed her head on his chest. "Nick, are you okay? You're really tense."

He inhaled deeply and said, "Jess, I need to tell you something." He knew that the guilt would just eat him alive if he didn't tell her now.

"Uh-oh, sounds serious?" She placed one of her hands on his cheek and scratched at his scruff. He felt himself relax slightly. "What is it?"

"A customer kissed me tonight!" he blurted out, feeling her tense up in alarm. "She was really drunk, and I pushed her away straight away. I feel really bad about it, and I had to tell you. I'm so sorry!"

Jess placed a kiss on his chest, right over his heart, and whispered, "Nick, it's okay. These things happen." She hugged him tightly to her, burying her face in his chest hair. "I'm glad you told me. You know you can always tell me anything that's bothering you."

His heart skipped a beat in his chest. He didn't deserve the wonderful woman in his arms right now, who was so willing to forgive him for anything stupid. "You are honestly so wonderful, Jess. I'm so lucky to have you." She sighed contentedly and drifted back to sleep. The words left unsaid weighed heavily on Nick's chest. He was never going to see Reagan again, so did he really need to tell Jess? He didn't want to hurt her, but he also knew that he was only barely treading the water of his lies as it was. _A lie by omission is hardly a lie at all_ , he told himself. But, the voice in his head was that of his father's and Nick felt the bile rise in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are the raisins to the nuts that is my writing.


	10. Come Into View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, it was worth the wait on the suspense! Awkwardness abounds in this chapter! Also, I'm actually a doctor, so I'm sorry if I got too technical in parts. This chapter was so long, so I split it, the next part should be up tomorrow! Enjoy!

"Ma, can I have a raisin cookie instead of a chocolate chip for school on Monday?" Reggie called from the backseat.

Jess smiled back at him in the rearview mirror. The school year was back in full swing and Reggie had started kindergarten a few weeks before. "Oh, why do you want to switch?" she asked.

"Cause I like raisins more than I like chocolate. And, Junior can't have chocolate, so if I wanna trade with him, he won't get sick." He scuffed his sneaker on the back of the passenger seat and looked at her hopefully.

"Alright, I can make some oatmeal raisin cookies tomorrow, and you can bring some to share with Junior, how about that?" she suggested. Mitch clapped his hands excitedly. "You gonna help me out, sweetie? You can wear your favorite apron."

"Okay, thanks Ma!" Jess turned her attention back to the road. She shouldn't be surprised, really. Nick would eat his weight in raisins at any given opportunity. He called them nature's candy, which she found laughable, since he was still not great at eating thing like vegetables. She would never understand that. Her phone buzzed and she re-routed it to the bluetooth speaker.

"Hey, Jess. Are you nearly here? I have dinner almost ready to go."

"Hey Aly, yeah, we'll be there in fifteen. We just left the house. Listen, thanks so much for watching the boys tonight." Jess replied. The boys chorused their hellos from behind her.

"Great, the kids are really excited about game night. We have Junior Scrabble all ready to go." Jess smiled. If there was definitely one thing that her kids had inherited from the Day gene pool it was a competitive streak, especially when it came to Scrabble. "And, you know it's no trouble. It seems like forever since you and Nick had date night." Aly rang off, saying that her lasagna was burning.

Jess's mind wandered back to her last official date night with Nick. They had gotten drunk on a few beers and ended up having sex in the car like a couple of horny teenagers before relieving the babysitter. Tonight was going to be better, though. They were going on a double date with Sadie and her new girlfriend, and they were going to be having dinner at a very nice Italian place downtown.

Jess continued her drive in companiable silence with her sons. Once they reached the Bishops, the boys raced for the front door, and were immediately dragged into the house by DanBill, who was pushing Nafta, the Bishops' cat, in a toy stroller. Jess giggled, gave Aly a hug, and promised her that they wouldn't be too late home. As she was driving towards the restaurant, she thought back to her appointment with Sadie just a few weeks before.

\--

"Jessica Miller?" The nurse called her, pulling Jess away from the magazine article she was reading. It was about the wonders of sperm and egg donation and how it changed so many people's lives. "Sadie will see you now."

Jess gathered up her purse and stepped into Sadie's examination room. Sadie was sitting behind her desk, and she immediately hopped up and came around to give Jess a big hug. "Jess, how are you? It's so great to finally catch up, it's been forever!" she exclaimed.

Jess hugged her back. Sadie was one of her oldest and dearest friends, and she was always so upbeat. Jess started to relax, taking a seat in the chair opposite Sadie's.

"So, I got your bloodwork back just there, and I can confirm that you are not pregnant." Sadie folded her hands in front of her. "Is that good news or bad news?"

Jess sighed. Having it confirmed helped assuage her nerves just a bit. "I didn't really think I was after my home test was negative, but it's good to be official." She fidgeted a bit. "I guess I'm kind of disappointed. I mean, we weren't actively trying or anything, but we discussed it a bit a couple days ago, and it wouldn't have been the worst news if I was."

Sadie looked at her carefully. "Jess, I can confirm that you are still fine to have more children, if that's what you want. You're healthy and your egg count is still good. Everyone has some months where they don't ovulate and thus miss a period, that's totally normal. But, I do want to talk to you about something else."

Jess heaved a sigh of relief. She had worked herself up trying to imagine the worst possibilities. She had imagined Sadie telling her that she was menopausal, that she had something seriously wrong with her. "What is it?"

"Jess, your blood pressure is really high. Which is probably why you've been dizzy and faint. Have you been stressed out lately?" Sadie typed onto her computer, bringing up Jess's blood pressure readings. "I mean, I haven't seen it so bad since your pre-eclampsia while you were pregnant with Mitch."

Jess was surprised. She remembered how she struggled to keep her blood pressure in check while she was pregnant last time, how by the end of her pregnancy, she had retained a lot of fluid and was in danger of going into kidney failure. She had had to have a Caesarean section, which meant spending more time in the hospital after the birth. Nick had just about lost his mind with worry, but at least he had Winston around to help keep him calm, as Aly had given birth to Walter two days later.

"Oh, no, I haven't been under any more strain than usual, just preparing for the new school year. We're starting back in a few weeks." Jess found herself looking at a picture of Sadie and her son Jacob on the desk. "My dad has blood pressure issues, but we always assumed it was because he's a big guy. Do you think it's hereditary?"

Sadie nodded. "Most of the time it is. I just think you need to keep on top of it with your family doctor. You'll have to have a blood pressure check and a urine dipstick every few months, just to make sure your kidneys are okay. When people have BP problems, the body averts blood away from the kidneys to places like the heart and the brain, where it's needed more. I'm going to write you a script for a drug called Amlodipine, and if you don't see any improvement in the next month, I'll get your family doctor to switch you to something stronger." Sadie clapped her hands and Jess shook herself out of her reverie.

"Thanks, Sadie. This is totally manageable, right?"

"It really is. Good thing you came in, though. You might not have caught it, otherwise." Sadie finished writing the prescription and handed it to Jess. "You're good on everything else family-planning related?"

Jess rolled her eyes. "Sure, I think Nick and I have got it covered, thanks." Sadie typed up the last of her notes and handed her a letter for her doctor explaining her findings.

"I'll look forward to the possibility of more mini-Millers, then, shall I?" Sadie sat back in her chair.

Jess grinned. "Maybe, but you'll be the first one we'll tell either way, you know that. How was your vacation?"

Sadie's face lit up as she told Jess all about her sex-cation with her new girlfriend. Jess listened intently, getting slightly turned on at Sadie's graphic descriptions. She was a 'vagenius' after all. "Oh, I have an idea, why don't the four of us double date?"

Jess bounced excitedly in her chair. "That's a great idea. Text me and we'll set it up! She sounds amazing, Sadie. It's nice to see you so happy." Sadie had been kind of in a love life slump since her divorce from Melissa eight years ago. While she and Melissa had split custody of Jacob, who was twelve, Sadie had him most of the time.

Jess had filled her prescription and had raced home to tell Nick her news. He had hugged her close when she told him about her hypertension, but she explained the medication she now had to take, and he had relaxed. She had then told him what Sadie had told her about her chances of conception again, and he had lifted her off the floor and spun her in a circle, giggling like a fool.

\--

Jess had just pulled up outside the restaurant when her phone buzzed in her purse. Lifting it out, she saw a text from Nick:

_Hey Knight_ ,  
_I'm stuck in traffic, but I'm on my way. Can you order me a beer and whatever entrée you think I'll enjoy? See you soon!_  
_Pepperwood xxxxxx_

Chuckling to herself, she got out of the car and approached the restaurant. Sadie was standing inside the door. "Jess, hi! Your dress looks amazing! Where's Nick?"

Jess twirled, and hugged Sadie hello. "He's stuck in traffic, but he'll be here soon. Where's your date?" She looked around her.

"She's at the table. Come on, I'll introduce you!" Sadie led Jess to a table in the back corner, set with silverware and two lit candles. "Jess, this is Reagan. Reagan, this is my friend, Jess."

Jess stopped short and gasped in surprise. "Reagan Lucas? Oh my God, how are you?" Reagan had stood up and had enveloped her in a hug before Jess knew what was happening.

"Jess, when Sadie said we were meeting one of her oldest friends, I had no idea it was going to be you!" Reagan grinned at her. "You look fantastic!"

Sadie cleared her throat. "Do you guys know each other already?" She looked confused. Jess turned to her friend.

"Of course, you don't know. Reagan lived in the loft with us for a few months. It was around the time of your divorce, so you had your own problems going on." Jess squeezed Sadie's hand.

Sadie squeezed it back. "Oh, that's awesome! It means that things aren't going to be awkward!" Jess blushed slightly and knew that Sadie was dead wrong. Things were already awkward. She took her seat beside Reagan and Jess sat across from them.

When the waiter had come around, Jess had ordered herself a glass of pink wine and a beer for Nick, and Sadie had ordered herself and Reagan Manhattans. They chatted a bit about Sadie's job for a minute before Reagan asked Sadie, "So, how did you meet Jess?"

"Jess and I were in college together! She was studying English and I was pre-med, and we met at a protest about the war in Iraq. I initially avoided her because she was wearing this truly hideous pink hat made of ribbons, but then I caught sight of her beautiful best friend."

Reagan took a sip of her drink and grinned. "Ah, Cece, how many of us have fallen under her spell over the years!"

Sadie laughed. "Yeah, but after I got to know them both, I realized that I had far more in common with Jess, despite her fashion proclivities and overwhelming straightness, and we've been really good friends ever since. She's even Jacob's godmother!"

"Wow, that's incredible. It's so funny, how small the world is..." Reagan shook her head slightly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Jess took a gulp of her wine before continuing. "Nick should be here any minute, so how about we order?"

The waiter came and took their food order, Jess ordering for Nick like she usually did, since this place was fancy, and he was likely to try and poke his eyes out with a fork otherwise.

"Oh, is Nick coming?" Reagan perked up a bit. "It's nice to see that you two are still such good friends."

Jess cleared her throat, flushing slightly. She put on her best Judy Garland accent and said "Yeah, a wedding band doesn't really change a relationship that much, doll." Sadie bit back a laugh at her antics.

Reagan's eyes widened. "Wait, _you're_ Nick's wife?"

Jess could feel the other woman's eyes boring into her from across the table. _She didn't know_ , she found herself thinking in alarm.

Sadie jumped in. "Yeah, they finally got their act together about eight years ago, and have been married for the last five!" she laughed. "I totally lost money in the pool, I could have sworn they were going to get back together when they got locked into that cabin on this cruise they went on." Sadie continued, oblivious to the tension now mounting between the two women.

"I thought Winston would have told you, he invited you to his wedding and all..." Jess stammered.

Reagan's look remained icy. "No, he didn't mention it."

They were interrupted by the sound of Nick's voice. Jess looked up as Nick ambled up to their table, pulled out the chair opposite Sadie, leaned in and gave Jess a quick kiss. "Sorry I'm late, my publishers were having problems with some of my edits, and then traffic was a nightmare!" Turning around, his eyes widened as he took in the sight of Sadie's date. "Reagan," he squeaked, picking up his beer and chugging it. "How wonderful!"

He grabbed Jess's hand under the table and squeezed it tightly. She looked up at him in confusion, and then Reagan broke the awkward silence. "Sadie, did you know that Nick and I used to date? I moved into the loft to be with him."

Sadie looked taken aback. "No, I didn't know that." The waiter interrupted, bringing their food to the table.

"Oh, soup! You know me so well, honey," Nick kissed Jess's palm without thinking, before widening his eyes.

"So," Reagan began as she took a bite of her bruschetta. "Jess, the last time I heard from you, you were in Portland. I never did get to say goodbye to you." She took a sip of her drink. "When did you and Nick get back together?"

Jess gulped and felt Nick tense beside her. _Well, this is going to get worse before it gets better..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want a janky fresh water bitch fish. I just want reviews! :-P


	11. Arguments

"So, I have a few notes on the fish market dilemma..." Merle Streep leaned back in his chair.

"Oh, more notes, Merle? I never would have expected that!" Nick rolled his eyes and took a sip of his water.

Merle merely laughed. "Nick, you know that we here at ParkBench Press only want what's best for the book. I mean, I know it's taking you a bit of time to find your flow with Pepperwood again, you haven't written these characters in a long time. Jessica Knight is a fantastic character, she's just the kind of gutsy, brave, insufferable know-it-all that young girls aspire to be. She's this generation's Hermione Granger."

Nick's face scrunched. "Who?"

Merle laughed again, stroking a hand through his beard. "She's Harry Potter's best friend."

Nick just nodded and gestured for him to continue. "The thing is, I think you need to consult your muse about how she would feel in these situations. You have a great resource in your wife. Use her, and give me something special. We all know how Pepperwood feels about Knight, the books are written from his point of view, but this one can't just be a re-tread. We have to know how Knight is feeling in these situations, and whether she has lingering feelings for Pepperwood, too. Even if she can't admit it just yet."

Nick conceded that he had a point, and scratched at the scruff on his chin. Looking at his watch, he grimaced. "Merle, I hate to cut this short, but speaking of Jess, we have dinner plans, and I'm already running behind schedule." He picked up his blazer from where he had placed it on the back of the chair and stood. He reached across to shake Merle's hand. "As usual, you are right. I will get Jess to read through my notes and see what kinds of suggestions she can make."

"Thank you! So, I'll see you next week?" Merle stood and walked with Nick to his office door. "Also, do you think you can ask Jess to make up a batch of her vegan chocolate cupcakes? Guy has just been insufferable about them."

Nick clapped a hand of Merle's shoulder and laughed. "I can try, but now that the school year's back, I doubt she'll have the time. Give our love to Guy, won't you?"

He quickly stepped outside and ran for his waiting cab. He gave the restaurant's address to the driver and sat back. Half an hour later and they were still stuck in traffic. He fired off a quick text to Jess and reached down to wipe a smudge off of his pants. The last thing he needed was a lecture about him having eaten a PB&J while he waited for Merle to arrive for their meeting, especially when he knew that he had a three-course Italian meal to look forward to.

His thoughts drifted to Jess. He wondered what she was going to be wearing tonight. Jess looked great in everything she wore, from her patterned dresses and skirts, to her annoyingly little shorts and tank tops. He hoped that she would be wearing red. It was the color of his fondest memories of her, from the sundress she was wearing the first time he saw her, to the beautiful number she was wearing on their fluffer date, when they had passed a thermos of wine back and forth beneath the table. Although, if Nick was being honest with himself, the dress he had fantasized about the most was the black and lace striped one, that was incredibly short and tight. She had worn it on one of her nights out with Cece and her model friends. She had made an quippy comment about not wearing underwear underneath, and Nick had just about stopped himself from grabbing her and bending her over the couch so that he could see for himself, or falling to his knees in front of her to bury his face between her thighs.

The cab finally pulled up outside the restaurant. He paid the cabbie and made his way quickly inside. He could see Jess in the corner, and smiled. She looked stunning, her curls pushed up into a knot on the top of her head, wearing her red mini-dress with the see-through sleeves. He greeted the hostess, pointed out the table he was joining and made his way over. His eyes never leaving Jess's face, he slid into his chair and gave his apologies. He couldn't resist leaning in to kiss her soft lips before turning to greet Sadie and her date. His stomach dropped and his eyes widened as he took in Reagan before him. _Well Miller, you had a nice life while it lasted..._

\--

"When did you and Nick get back together?"

Reagan's question was aimed at Jess, and Nick could feel his hands starting to get clammy. He grabbed his soup spoon and took a sip of the minestrone Jess had ordered for him. It was too hot and he coughed slightly as it burned his throat. Jess squeezed his knee reassuringly under the table and answered Reagan. "Actually, it wasn't all that long after you left, Reagan. I was going to move out of the loft, but Nick convinced me to stay, and we realized that we both still loved each other." She smiled over at him.

Nick took a deep breath, willing his heart to stop hammering in his chest. "I never really stopped loving you, Jess." He took a gulp of his beer as Sadie looked at them fondly.

"See, what did I tell you, these two are such soppy romantics! They missed Jacob's first birthday party because they broke up, and we were all so surprised that it happened. It was only a matter of time with these two!" Sadie took Reagan's hand. Reagan brought her napkin to her lips.

"Oh, because when I was living with you, I never got the feeling that you two were that serious the first time around." She pursed her lips. "I mean, I thought it was just a brief fling, you still lived together!"

Sadie laughed and looked across at her, oblivious to the tension bubbling around the table. "Oh, sweetie, they were together for nearly a year! They were crazy in love with one another!"

Nick ran a hand through his hair and willed himself to laugh along with Sadie. "Hey, Sadie, how's Jacob doing? Do you think he'd want to come to the game on Saturday? I'm taking the boys to Dodger Stadium and I have an extra ticket!"

Sadie smiled. "Actually, Nick, that would be awesome! Jake doesn't really get to have the whole 'male bonding' thing very often what with having two moms, I'm sure he'd love to go!"

Reagan smiled across at Jess. "Oh, speaking of your boys, they are so adorable! Your older boy looks so much like Nick, but your younger one is all you." The waiter appeared with their main course, and Jess quirked her eyebrows at Nick confusedly. After pausing to try their meals, Reagan continued. "I couldn't believe when I met Nick in the park and saw him surrounded by all those kids. He's sure changed from the man he was eight years ago, that's for sure."

Jess's hand on his knee tightened into a vice grip. Nick looked over at her, but her eyes never left Reagan's. "Yeah, he's really grown into the whole dad and uncle thing. The boys are so lucky to have him."

"Yeah, I got that impression from that photo on the wall of the bar. Nick pointed out that...Mitch, is it...has his eyes. The bar hasn't changed at all, and it's nice to see that even with all the changes, Nick Miller is still behind a bar occasionally." Jess's fork dropped from her hand. She shook herself out of a daze.

"As you can see, I'm still so clumsy. Nick had mentioned that he'd run into you, but I definitely wasn't expecting to see you here with Sadie, how did you two meet?" Jess swiftly changed the subject.

Nick's heart dropped into his stomach. He picked at his lasagna, sipping occasionally at his beer. _Jess covered for me. Oh God, she's trying to save face in front of Reagan._ Nick could pick up the disappointed look in Jess's eyes and her hand never left his knee. He stroked his fingers across it and laced their fingers together for a moment. Her whole body tensed beside him, and she pulled her hand away. He only half listened to the conversation that was happening around him. He picked up that Reagan and Sadie had originally met online, and that they had gotten together officially when Reagan had moved back to LA. Reagan's company was pushing a new type of ointment for 'vaginal itch' and Sadie was only too happy to promote it to her patients.

After they had finished eating, Jess retrieved her purse from the floor at her feet. She pulled out her phone and gasped. "Oh, Reggie has spiked a temperature. We should go, we can't risk him infecting the Bishop kids with something." Nick knew that she was lying, and immediately jumped to his feet. He pulled out a wad of bills from his Ziploc baggie and handed them to Sadie. "Sadie, it was so great to see you! We should do this again!" Jess leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek, and waved shyly to Reagan, before spinning around and bolting out of the restaurant, Nick following swiftly behind her.

She wordlessly handed Nick her keys and climbed into the passenger seat. The silence was overwhelming as they drove home.

\--

Nick pulled out his keys and unlocked the front door of Mars Landing. Jess reached down to pull her shoes off, throwing them into a hasty pile under the hall table. Nick took a deep breath and mumbled, "Jess?"

She rounded on him, hands on her hips, a look of pure fury in her eyes. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, MILLER?!"

Nick held out his hands in front of him, in case Jess decided to pounce on him. She was always a little scary when she got this mad. "I'm sorry, I should have told you..."

"You're damn right you should have told me! How long have you known that she was back in town, Nick?" Jess's voice broke slightly, and Nick reached out to try and take her hand. She backed away from him like she had been burned.

"I bumped into her in the park, while you were at the conference a few weeks ago." Nick kept his gaze on the floor, unable to look at the hurt in Jess's eyes. "And then I met her the next morning at the bar, because she didn't know about us, and I had to tell her...I didn't want it to be another Caroline situation..."

Jess gasped, and her purse hit the floor. "But, she didn't know about us, Nick. Not until I told her tonight...You didn't tell her, did you?"

Nick shook his head, still unable to meet her gaze. "I tried to, but the words wouldn't come out."

Jess shook her head in disbelief. She strode away into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and poured herself a generous measure of scotch. She took a gulp and Nick could see her wince as it hit her throat. "What do you mean?"

Nick sat at the kitchen island and fiddled with the coin in his pocket. "The words just wouldn't come, Jess. I didn't want to hurt her by telling her that I only waited three days before professing my undying love for my best friend who lived across the hall, who I never stopped loving, no matter how hard I tried to stop."

Jess sighed. "So, you've met her twice in the space of a week. That's all, right?"

Nick clenched his fists and knew that he had to tell her. "Three times. I met her again a few days later, she came to the bar with some colleagues." He looked up at Jess's stormy eyes. "Jess, she's the customer who kissed me a couple weeks ago."

Nick registered the glass tumbling from Jess's grip and shattering against the tiles. She reared back as if she had been electrocuted. She let out a strangled sob and a tear wound it's way down her cheek. Nick stood up and tried to reach for her. "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!" she yelled. She rounded on him. "I comforted you, that night! I comforted you, you piece of shit!"

"Jess, I didn't lie when I told you that I pushed her away. I didn't kiss her back!" Nick knew that he had to try to get through to her. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, and yet, here she was, crying over yet another shitty thing that he had done. The guilt was overwhelming.

Jess took a shuddering breath. "And, I believe you. But, I can't help but wonder if she would have kissed you at all if she had known that you were married to me..." She hiccuped. "If she hadn't shown up tonight, would you have told me at all?"

Nick pulled his coin out of his pocket and flipped it between his fingers. "I don't know, Jess. I didn't want to hurt you, and I knew that everything I had put you through with Reagan before had almost destroyed you. I didn't want to have to see you go through that again."

Jess bent down to pick up the shards of glass. "Nick, I'm not mad at you for meeting Reagan. I'm furious at her for kissing you, but I'm willing to let that go, because she makes Sadie happy. That's why I lied for you, tonight." Her hands trembled. "I'm angry that you lied to me. But, I'm more angry that you couldn't tell her about us. Why couldn't you tell her about us, really? Do you still have feelings for her? Or, are you ashamed of me?" Her voice broke and more tears rolled down her face.

Nick's heart broke at the sight of her. _Ashamed of her? How could she ever think that?_

"Honey, of course I'm not ashamed of you. I love you and I love our family and I want to scream that out to the world every day! And, I certainly don't have feelings for Reagan. I mean, I don't know if you could call what I had with her in the first place 'feelings'. She was a poor substitute for you, because I thought that I'd lost you forever." Nick could feel his own tears building behind his eyes. He swiped a hand across his face.

"Nick," she sighed, and her eyes were pure sadness looking up at him, "I love you, too. You didn't want to hurt me by telling me, but by doing that, you're just showing that you don't trust me not to immediately walk away. You were looking for reasons to doubt yourself, and our love, and our happy life, and I think that Reagan was just the excuse you needed to justify that voice in your head." She reached for the broom and started sweeping up the remaining shards of glass at her feet. "This was never about Reagan, this is all you."

"Jess," he tried to cut in, but she kept speaking.

"Do you know that I tell you everything? After Furguson, I haven't held anything back from you. I just wish you would trust me enough to do the same...and I need to be able to trust you, Nick." She sobbed. "And right now, I don't trust you. How do I know that it's not all just been a lie because you're always too scared to tell me how you really feel?"

Nick put his face in his hands and was wracked with sobs of his own. "Jess, stop, please." He looked up at her, eyes streaming, nose running, and tried to put the depth of his feelings into his words. "I meant every goddamn word I said to you that night in the elevator. You meant and still mean everything to me. Hell, I even asked you to..."

"Don't you dare bring that up, now!" Jess cut him off. "I made that decision for me that night, Nick, not for you. I needed to be sure that I wasn't just a rebound from Reagan. And, I would make that same decision if I had to do it all again. Because we both needed to learn to be a couple again."

Nick nodded, and he understood, but the sting in his chest from that night still haunted him sometimes. "You're right, about the Tom Waits voice in my head. It's never gone away. I've never felt like I've deserved you, or this life, or to be happy for long periods of time. I'm still so messed up, Jess. But, you make me want to be a better person. And, I swear, I will do everything I can to win back your trust."

Jess nodded and crossed her arms in front of her. "I'm going to go to bed. Can you go pick the boys up? I'll leave some sheets and blankets in your office for you. I can't be around you tonight. You can sleep on the couch, or in your office, just not with me." She climbed the stairs and left Nick in a daze in the kitchen. He heard their bedroom door close and he climbed the stairs after her. He sank down onto the carpet outside the door, and he could hear Jess sobbing on the other side. He placed the palm of his hand flat against the wood and silently vowed that he would never, ever do this to her again. _It's time to start goddamn acting like a man, Miller. Because if you lose her again, you'll lose yourself, too. And, that can't be allowed to happen._


	12. Not Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. This chapter isn't as angsty as the last one, promise! :-)

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind her, the strength left Jess's legs and she collapsed in a heap on the carpet. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, and just let the tears overtake her. She had not been reduced to tears after an argument with Nick since they had had that fight in the bar office the Christmas Eve Eve before they got back together. She could hear the muffled sounds of Nick also crying on the other side of the door, but he didn't try to come in. She took some heavy breaths and stood up. She was mentally exhausted by the news she had just heard. She had known that Nick was keeping something from someone after finding his sweaty shirt in the laundry hamper, but never in a million years did she think he would keep something like this from _her_.

She made her way over to her bed, pulling her dress over her head as she did so. She threw it on the floor, leaving it abandoned. She pulled on a pair of pajamas and turned to her vanity mirror to pull out the bobby pins holding her hair back. Looking at herself in the mirror, she could see the smudges of mascara on her cheeks, and the streaks in her foundation. She didn't want to leave the room, so she wiped her eyes with her sleeve and crawled into bed.

Flipping on her bedside lamp, she reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a faded green wristband. Paradise Nick had stolen it from a child when they had snuck into that resort in Mexico, and had gifted it to her on their return to the loft. They had both been young and foolish and in love, even then. They had been impulsive, and she had relished the fact that he had said yes to her. He had told her how Winston had given him a pep talk about how he was running from his feelings, just like his dad did. _He didn't see how incredible he was then, and he still doesn't now_.

She reached back into the drawer and pulled out the piece of burned red plastic that she had stolen from Nick's room as she slept on one side of his burnt bed and he slept on the other, the night they had ended their first go at a relationship. That had also been impulsive, but there was no-one around to give them both a pep talk then, to make them see how incredibly ridiculous they were being. All Jess had heard that day was that Nick didn't see a future with her, and it had hurt more than she could bare to admit to herself. When they had talked about it, years later, Nick had said that he had been too afraid to tell her how he really felt, about how he had always imagined a future with her, but didn't think he could ever be enough for her. It had broken her heart to hear it.

Reaching back into her drawer, she replaced both the items, and her fingers found the smooth velvet box that sat at the back. Pulling it out, she let herself remember the night that changed her life forever.

\--

_Why are we never on the same page??_ she growled to herself in frustration as she waited for the elevator. She and Nick had just missed each other and she was now racing back down to the lobby so she could finally tell him how she felt. She needed him to know, that even though he didn't feel the same way, she couldn't just leave without telling him. She made a mental note to buy Winston the most expensive item in his wedding registry for helping her see that none of it mattered if she couldn't be honest with him. She was just about to go running for the stairs again when the elevator doors opened. She clambered in and pressed the button for the 1st Floor. _This is it,_ she thought. _Just stick to the cards and all will be well._

The elevator juddered to a halt on the 2nd Floor and a delivery man stepped in with a trolley loaded with packages. The doors closed and Jess's heart leapt into her throat. Her palms were sweaty and her foot wouldn't stop bouncing. The bell dinged and the door opened on the 1st Floor, and Jess quickly adjusted her glasses. The delivery man started to step out, and Nick's voice rang out from behind him. "Oh, come on, please go faster, I gotta tell my best friend I'm in love with her!" Jess's breathing hitched. _Did I just hear that right? Did Nick say that he loved me?_

Nick and the delivery man had an argument and Jess beamed as Nick caught sight of her in the elevator. "Hey Miller!" She grinned cheekily as he he replied, "Hey," and reached a hand out to stop the elevator doors from closing. She had a flashback to their first night together, when he had fireman-carried her back to his room, and she felt her grin get bigger. Her insides were flip-flopping and her heart was pounding. She chanced a glance across at him and he looked simultaneously stunned and happy. As the doors closed, she turned to face him. "Nick, I..." she began.

Nick turned to her and his hand delved into the pocket of his pants. "Jess, please, let me speak." He looked so determined, and her breath left her in a gasp. He reached out and touched her hand. "Jessica Day, I love you. And, I know that you don't feel the same way, but I can't let you leave without telling you." Jess opened her mouth to speak and he cut across her again. "Please, just let me get all of this out, before I lose my nerve." He pulled something shiny out of his pocket and placed it into her palm. "This coin has not left my side since the night we first kissed. I had it with me every day you were with Ryan, every day you were with Sam, every day that I was with Reagan." She glanced down at it, a tear dripping from her eye. "I scratched those dates in myself, a couple of nights after we broke up, to remind me of what I had lost. Because, I lost everything that night, Jess. And, all because I was so afraid of my own feelings. But, I'm not afraid anymore! Schmidt told me you were leaving and I left my meeting with a potential publisher early because I had to see you before you left. Your room...it's so empty, Jess, and it just broke my heart...until I heard you calling from outside. I knew then that I had a second chance at happiness, and a second chance at love, and I know that second chances are your first favorite kind of chance..." He took an unsteady breath. "I'm rambling. The point is that I love you Jessica, and..."

Jess threw herself into his arms and crashed her lips to his. She tried to put every pent up feeling from the past year into it. Nick just stood there, arms hanging at his sides. She threw her hands around his neck and suddenly felt him respond. He groaned, and pulled her closer, causing her to overbalance, and she threw one leg out behind her to stay upright. He grabbed at her waist, before bringing a hand up to squeeze her shoulder. She gasped at the contact and he took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding against hers. She moaned and ran her hands through his hair. She broke apart, gulping in gasps of air. "Nick, I love you, too. I couldn't leave without telling you. I made Winston and Aly stop the moving truck so I could come back to you." He looked too stunned to speak for several seconds, and then he cracked the biggest smile she had ever seen.

"Are-are you still moving out?" he stammered.

"Do you think I'm still moving out?"

Nick reached behind him and pressed the button for the 4th Floor. He threaded his fingers into Jess's hair. She reached out and placed the coin back into his pocket. "Not if I can damn well help it!"

Nick leaned back in and captured her lips in a searing kiss. Jess cupped his face in her hands, running her fingers through his scruff, relishing the solid feeling of his body against hers again. Nick's broad hands slid down her back, over her ass, and she gasped as he hoisted her into his arms. The elevator doors opened and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her out of the elevator and briskly entered the loft. He kicked the door closed behind them and pressed her back against it. She let her hands roam across his neck, his chest, and his arms. She pushed his blazer down and it slid to the floor, pooling at Nick's feet. Nick's lips moved from her mouth to her ear. "I love you, Jessica." He placed a series of kisses along her jaw, stopping briefly to nip at her pulse point. Jess felt a bolt of heat shoot through her at his words. She shrugged out of her denim jacket, and he growled as his hands made contact with the bare skin of her arms.

Nick thrust his hips against her, and she moaned as his hard cock made contact with her core. Jess could feel herself throb at his touch. She knew that she needed him, and that she wasn't willing to wait. "Nick, please, I need you..." Nick pressed himself closer to her and sucked a bruise into her exposed collar bone, making her cry out wetly.

"Are you sure? Cause we can wait, if it's too soon for you." Jess could feel himself holding back until she answered. She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, and ran her hands across his expanse of chest.

"I love you, Nick. I've waited long enough." She gazed into his eyes, which had now darkened considerably with lust. He moved away from the door and started walking down the hall. They had just arrived at his bedroom door, and he set her back on her feet long enough to open it. Jess was gripped with a sudden nauseous feeling. She hesitated and Nick sensed it. He cupped her cheek and forced her to look at him. She shook her head sightly. "I can't, Nick. Not in here. It's too soon after..." Nick nodded in understanding. He shut his door again and they moved across the hall towards Jess's now empty room.

"This is where we had our first kiss," he breathed. He pecked her on the lips, and slowly descended to his knees. He reached up and yanked her tights quickly down her legs. She stepped out of her shoes and allowed Nick to remove them from her body. He placed a kiss on her right thigh, before making his way back up her body. He pulled her dress over her head, and the air escaped his lungs in a whoosh. "I have wanted to do this so many times, Jess, over the past three years. You have been driving me insane with your tiny towels and your tights, when this is all I've wanted to do." He reached behind her and unclipped her bra, and immediately bent his head to capture a nipple in his teeth. Jess hissed and moaned, her toes curling at the contact. She pushed Nick back until he was against the wall outside her bedroom door. Her hands made their way to his belt buckle, and she could feel his hardness against her palm. He thrust against her contact, moaning against her breast. "Fuck, you are so beautiful, Jessica."

She pushed his pants and boxers over his hips and his cock sprang free. Nick brought his hands up and slid her panties down. His fingers found their way between her thighs and he sighed when he found her soaking and ready for him. She gripped his shoulders and he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. She sat astride him, grinding her hips and sliding his cock back and forth over her clit. She felt herself twitch at the contact. Nick grabbed her hips tightly and slid her back and brought her down onto his aching cock with a groan. Jess threw her head back. It had happened. They were finally one again. He had his eyes screwed shut and she knew that he was holding back, allowing her to adjust to his size after so long without.

Jess rolled her hips and Nick sat forward, wrapping her tightly in his arms. He thrust up into her sharply, making her walls flutter. "You're so close already, aren't you, honey?" Jess placed her hands on his shoulders for purchase as she rocked back and forth, grunting slightly as Nick bottomed out inside her. He met her thrust for thrust, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He peppered her collarbone and shoulders with sweet kisses. Jess sped up, feeling her release approaching. She could feel the warmth spreading outward, and her fingers and toes were tingling. Jess knew that Nick was close, too. His thrusts were getting erratic and he was squeezing her tighter to him. Jess pulled back slightly to look him in the eyes and was surprised to find tears on his cheeks. She felt herself tighten and cried out as she felt him swell inside her. She screwed her eyes shut just as she hit the precipice. "Look at me, Jess," Nick whispered hoarsely, and her eyes fluttered open. "Come with me." She saw such love and devotion in his eyes as she tumbled over the edge, crying out her release, and she could feel Nick shuddering and spilling inside her.

He kissed her hungrily, holding her tightly as she twitched, riding out her high. He didn't stop thrusting until she had collapsed against him, completely spent. She felt a giddy giggle bubble up in her chest, and it escaped her mouth. Nick laughed, too. "Looks like this hallway can claim our first kiss and our second first time, now." She kissed him sweetly and made to climb off of him.

"Wait, please." Nick leaned in and inhaled her sweet scent. "Jess, will you marry me?"

Jess froze, pulling back from him in alarm. "What?"

Nick smiled. "I just got you back, and I know that this time I'm never, ever letting you go. Marry me, Jess. I have my grandmother's ring in a box in my closet. I was always saving it for you." He pressed a kiss to her temple and brushed a hand through her curls.

Jess hesitated and Nick looked up in alarm. "Nick, I love you. And, I want to say yes, but I think we should take a little while to figure this out first. We always rush headlong into these things, and be impulsive, and maybe that's why things haven't worked out before."

Nick looked dejected and Jess swallowed before continuing. "I'm not saying no, I'm saying not right now. Look, you've just broken up with Reagan, and it's gonna take me a little while to even process this whole thing. I want you to give us a chance, and then, when you feel it's the right time again, you can ask and I promise you, I won't say no."

Nick nodded and kissed her. "I understand. I love you, so much, and I will ask again." He pulled her in for a hug before saying, "We should probably get dressed and call Winston. We need to move your stuff back in."

Jess stood up and as she was pulling her panties back up her thighs, she remembered something Nick had said. "Did you say that Schmidt told you I was moving out?" Nick nodded as he re-did his belt buckle. "Great, now I have to buy him and Cece the most expensive item on their baby shower registry. Also, you left the publisher? We need to call them right away! This could be your big break!"

"His what?" Nick picked her up and spun her around. "I'm gonna be an uncle?" Jess shrieked and held on for dear life.

\--

When Nick had asked her to marry him again, it was over three years later, and he had used her great-grandmother's ring at her father's insistence. If she had known it was going to take him three years to propose again, she would have said yes that night. When Jess had found out that she was pregnant with Reggie, only weeks after their wedding, Nick had produced the box with his grandmother's ring in it and had gifted it to Jess. "I've just been holding on to this for ya, Jess, it's been yours since my Ma gave it to me after my dad's funeral. Somehow, she knew that you were the one for me, even if I had only dreamt about it up to that point."

Jess fought back the tears as she opened the box. The ring was beautiful, timeless, and she liked to wear it now and again instead of her own ring, purely because it reminded her of the loft, and all the memories that were made there.

Jess heard Nick come home, boys in tow, and she settled herself down deeper into the pillows. She had cried herself out, and she just needed to sleep. She drifted off to the sound of Nick telling Reggie a bedtime story down the hall.

She awoke the next morning to the gentle caress of her husband's fingers on her cheek. He removed the ring box from her grasp and placed it back in her drawer. She pretended to still be asleep as he leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you, Jess, and I'm sorry." He placed a mug of tea down on the nightstand and quietly shut the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always found it strange that Nick would wait so long before asking Jess to marry him, so I wrote my own reasons. Please read and review!


	13. Fragile Smile

_Jessica pulled her hair up into a loose bun at the nape of her neck as she sat and watched Julius. He had an old fashioned gripped in his long fingers and his eyes had that haunted look that she had grown to recognize far too well over the last few months. She licked her plump, red lips and fidgeted with her skirt. "Do you want to talk about it, Pepperwood?"_

_Julius's eyes met hers for an instant, before dropping back down to his desk. "Jess, you know that I'm not good at the whole talking thing. If we always have to talk about how we're feeling, then why not just call them 'talkings'?"_

_Jessica sighed, exasperated. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're human, Julius. Humans have emotions, that's just science." She undid a couple of buttons on her blouse and stretched, adjusting her glasses as she did so. She leaned across, placing her arms on the desk in front of her. She couldn't help the small smile that escaped her as Julius's eyes skimmed briefly over the newly exposed flesh of her chest, eyes darkening slightly. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips. He always thought he was being subtle, and she would never ruin that illusion for him, but Jessica never could help the thrill that shot through her when he checked her out. She reached out and took his large hand in hers, marvelling at the size difference._

_"You can talk to me about anything. I'm your gal Friday, Pepperwood. I've seen you at your best, sure, but I've also seen you at your worst. And, I will always be here to hold your hand." She paused, watching as her words sank in, and his lips curled up in a brief smile. "No matter how stupid it gets."_

_"You're such a damn know-it-all, Knight." He bent forward, placing his glass on the desk. He pulled his hat from his head and ran a finger over his mustache. "I almost lost you today. I didn't think Schmith would stoop so low as to go after the people I care about."_

_Jessica's stomach swooped. She stammered, "S-so, you do care about me, then?"_

_Pepperwood squeezed her hand tightly. "Of course I do, Jess. You're the whole reason I get out of bed every day. Who else will make sure I don't drink myself into oblivion when I've had a bad day? Who else will make sure that I do laundry on a regular basis?" Jessica's hand started to tremble, and Pepperwood cupped her cheek with his other hand. "You're the only person I trust around here."_

_Jessica leaned in closer, her eyes locking on his. Their lips were just centimetres apart, and her heart was pounding. Pepperwood pulled away abruptly and stepped away from the desk. He ran a hand through his messy hair. Jess sat back, feeling the disappointment flood through her._

_She took a deep breath and said, "You shouldn't be afraid to let yourself feel things, Julius. It's the one thing separating you from Schmith. He's cold and he's heartless, and you can never hope to beat him if you insist on being like that, too." She stood, smoothing out her skirt. She picked up her trenchcoat and stepped up to Julius. She could see him swallow, and his eyes were raw with emotion that she knew he would insist on keeping inside. She pecked him lightly on the cheek, running a palm over his chest. She stepped away towards the door, feeling her eyes fill with tears._

_"Hey, Knight?" Julius's voice cracked as he said her name._

_"Yeah?" she replied._

_"I don't know what I'd do without you, kid."_

_She stepped through the door, calling over her shoulder, "Let's hope you never have to find out!"_

\--

Nick brought his hands up to his eyes and rubbed them. The morning sun was just starting to filter in through the window of his office. He hit save on his latest draft and sat back from his computer. He had worked throughout the night, trying everything he could to get the disappointment he had seen in Jess's eyes out of his mind. He always hated to see her cry, but it had been so long since she had cried because of him, that his was tearing him apart. He reached for the mug of coffee beside him and took a gulp.

"Oh, that's not pleasant!" He spat the liquid back into the mug and winced. It was freezing cold. "I did make it hours ago, so this is what I get."

He stood up, stretching out his back, and feeling his joints pop. There was no denying that he was getting older, but he didn't have to like it. He swiftly bent over to touch his toes, only wincing slightly. He padded down the hallway towards the stairs, making sure to be as quiet as he could. The last thing he wanted was to wake Jess or the boys.

He prepared another pot of coffee and waited for it to percolate. He made himself some toast and ate it greedily. He had only really picked at his dinner last night after everything that had happened. He pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose and squeezed. He ran his knuckle over the bump in his nose and took a deep breath. As he poured his coffee, he decided to treat this as any other Sunday morning, for the sake of the boys. He flipped the switch on the tea kettle and busied himself with a mug and a teabag. He made Jess's tea the way she liked it, with honey and a dash of milk.

He gently climbed back up the stairs, pausing outside his bedroom door. There were no sounds from within. Nick hoped that Jess was still asleep. He crept into the room, taking in the sight of her. She hadn't taken off her makeup last night. She had eyeliner and mascara staining the porcelain skin of her cheeks. She was curled up on her side of the bed, but her hand was stretched out towards his pillows. He swallowed thickly, and placed the mug of tea on her nightstand. In her hand, Jess was holding the box that contained his grandmother's engagement ring. He leaned over, extracting it from her grasp, and placed it back in her drawer. He gently ran his fingers across her cheek, placed a quick kiss to her forehead and whispered, "I love you, Jess, and I'm sorry." He crept back out and quietly shut the door.

He was downstairs making bacon and eggs a little while later, when he heard Mitch calling out to Jess. He heard her footsteps and then the sounds of Jess singing to Reggie as they descended the stairs. Her song cut off as she made her way into the kitchen. The boys were hot on her heels, and Mario started barking at the back door to be let out. Nick ran across and unlocked it, before returning to the stove. "Dad, can you hurry up, I'm starving!" Reggie complained. "Aunt Aly made us eat carob bars last night instead of real treats."

Nick had to bite back a laugh at Reggie's scowl. "Well, you know that they can't keep chocolate in the house because of Junior's allergy, buddy. It could have been worse, she could have made you eat tofu pops again!" He saw Jess on her tiptoes trying to reach the plates in the cupboard. Nick stood up behind her and grabbed them, placing a hand on the small of her back as he did so. He felt her tense up slightly, and he backed away. "Sorry," he muttered.

Jess turned around with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Thanks for your help, pal!" She busied herself in the fridge, pulling out orange juice and butter. She made some toast for the boys and then helped Nick dish out breakfast. Nick caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye as her hand brushed his slightly. "Hey, thanks for the tea, Miller." She sounded a bit more normal that time.

"So, what are we gonna do today?" Nick asked, mouth full of eggs. He caught sight of Jess's disgusted frown and swallowed quickly, coughing slightly.

"Well, I'm gonna do some school budget stuff this morning, and then Reggie asked me yesterday if I could make some cookies, so I guess I'll have to go to the store to buy more flour and raisins." Jess pulled a piece of bacon apart in her fingers.

"Oh, I love raisins!" Nick's face lit up. "Are you making oatmeal raisin cookies?"

Jess turned to Reggie and smiled. "Reggie asked for them especially, for school tomorrow, so I guess so."

Nick high-fived his eldest son and fist pumped. "You are such a Miller, raisins are the best!" He could see Jess roll her eyes, but she couldn't hide the small quirk of her eyebrow at him.

"Well, it's the last Sunday of the month, so I was gonna go see Tran today. You guys wanna come?" Nick shoveled another forkful of eggs into his mouth.

Mitch rubbed bacon grease into his hair and shouted, "I wanna come. I can show Tran my dinosaurs!" He roared playfully.

"Sure, buddy, Tran would love to see your dinosaurs. How about you, Reg?"

"I'm gonna stay and bake cookies with Ma," he decided. "She always lets me eat the dough out of the bowl!"

\--

Nick parked his car, pulled off his glasses and put them in the glove compartment. He turned in his seat to find Mitch waving at a bunch of seniors playing chess in the yard. He smiled, opening his door and pulling Mitch from his car seat.

They walked up to the reception, hand in hand. "Hi Lucy!" Mitch called. Lucy leaned forward over the counter and smiled broadly.

"Hello to you, too, handsome!" She glanced up at Nick. "Hi, Mr. Miller. Tran is in his room today. You know where to go?"

"I sure do, thanks Lucy!" He pulled Mitch up onto his shoulders as he made his way through the winding corridors of the home. It had broken Nick's heart when Kai had called to tell him that his family had decided that it wasn't safe for Tran to be allowed wander around on his own anymore. At least this home had plenty of people around so that Tran would never be lonely, and he always had plenty of visitors. Nick reached Tran's door and knocked politely before wandering in.

Tran was sitting at a little table in the corner, sipping a cup of green tea and reading a book. "Hey, Tran. How are ya?" Nick called in greeting. Tran turned in his seat and gave Nick a broad smile.

Nick set Mitch down and he immediately ran to Tran, climbing into his lap. Tran held him gently as he listened to Mitch explain all about the different dinosaur toys that he had brought.

Nick took the seat opposite them and reached over for the book that Tran had been reading. "Tran, are you reading _How Wide Is Winston's Smile?_ You know this is for kids, right, ya weirdo?" Nick chuckled. He had written his first book for preschoolers just after Reggie was born. He had been going through a writing slump, and Jess had suggested that he try writing for children. This book about taking measurements, counting and friendship was a surprising success and every preschool in the country seemed to have a copy. He had so many children attend his readings in local bookshops and public libraries that the _Los Angeles Times_ had written a fluff piece about him and Jess educating the future generations.

Tran laughed gently and smiled. "Hey, no judgments here, buddy. You're the kind of guy who already knows how to read a ruler. I actually had to teach my best friend Winston how to do that, and he was 34!"

Mitch was making growling noises as he played with his dinosaurs, oblivious to the conversation happening around him. Nick looked over to Tran's bookshelf and spied a newspaper clipping about Nick's first novel for adults, a reworking of his original _Z Is For Zombie_ draft, and another about Kai's company's IPO going public.

Tran quirked an eyebrow slightly at Nick. "What? No, Jess is good, she's doing school budget stuff today, and then she's gonna make some cookies!" Tran continued to stare until Nick gave in. "Fine, you win, Jess and I had a fight. A pretty bad one."

Tran nodded his head, indicating for Nick to continue. "So, you remember my ex, Reagan? She's back in town, and I kind of didn't tell Jess that I knew she was back in town." Tran just stared at him. "I know, I'm an idiot, but that's not even the worst part! So, Reagan is dating Jess's friend, Sadie, and we were on a double date last night, and now Jess knows that I kept this from her. She was so angry and she's still so disappointed, and I haven't had any sleep. I just feel like I'm falling apart." Nick's voice broke slightly, and he struggled to pull himself back together. He glanced at Mitch, but he didn't seem to pay any attention to what Nick and Tran were discussing.

Tran placed a hand on Nick's knee and Nick smiled. "I know, but I think a grand gesture isn't going to do much this time. She wants me to talk to her about all the crazy doubts that are in my head on a day to day basis. But, if I do that, what if I scare her off?" He shook his head sadly. "I should have just let Russell win on our wedding day. Jess would have been better off with him..."Nick trailed off as he felt Tran's grip tighten almost painfully on his knee.

"Okay, so I know I don't mean that! Jess is 100% better with me that being the sixth wife of a millionaire. I broke my hand defending her honor that day. And, yet, she still married _me_ , Tran. She married me knowing that I'm a broken, garbage human being. She just has this huge heart, and she wants to take care of me the way that I take care of her..." Nick's eyes widened at what he had just said.

"Tran, you are a genius. I really do just have to let her in, cause I'm not ever gonna scare her off with my shit. Unless I do something else like this..." Nick sighed. "I really have to not do anything this stupid again. How did you manage when you erected that crazy racist statue in your yard that time?" Tran grinned and raised his eyebrows. "Huh, a letter? Well, I am a writer. Maybe a letter could work. Tran, you're the best."

Nick spent the rest of his time with Tran listening to his buddy talk about his dance partner, Vera, who had legs for days, and was surprisingly hot for 87, and then his feud with the guy in the room next to his, who had tried to steal Tran's pie at supper. Tran had swapped his medication in retaliation and had gotten an earful from the sexy nurse down the hall. As Nick and Mitch packed up to leave, Nick clapped Tran on the shoulder. "I'll see you next month, buddy. And Tran, thank you, you know, for listening. It really means a lot."


	14. Leaving Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for all the positive feedback, I'm very glad you're all enjoying this story. Updates are going to be less frequent after this chapter, due to work, but I'll try my best to keep things moseying along nicely! :-)

Jess lay back on the trampoline in the backyard, Mario and Mitch jumping excitedly at her head. She was drained, both mentally and physically. She could hear Reggie, DanBill and Aliya somewhere behind her, giggling in a tent, and Winston showing Ruth, Moses, and Sadie's son, Jacob, how to take a three point shot at the basketball hoop on the garage door. Cece was sprawled in a sun lounger with a copy of Vogue, marking each page that had one of her models on it. Aly had dragged the rest of her kids to Leslie's place to comb their hair for head lice, and Schmidt and Nick were at the bar, doing the books with the accountant.

Jess sighed, sitting up. It had been just over three weeks since her and Nick's fight. They had settled into a routine of domesticity for the boys' sake. Nick was still sleeping in his office, and Jess lay awake every night listening to the click of his fingers as he typed for hours. He was visibly making more of an effort around the house, taking the trash out without being asked, doing the laundry, even taking the boys out of the house so that she could catch up on her unending pile of teacher evaluations. She woke every morning to find a cup of tea and her blood pressure pills on her nightstand. He was walking around like a character out of _Z Is For Zombie_ and Jess felt a twinge in her heart every time she looked at the bags under his eyes.

She made her way into the kitchen and pulled out a jug of iced tea from the refrigerator. She poured two glasses and came back outside, handing one to Cece. "Thanks, babe," she said, distractedly. Jess took a sip from her own glass and sat in the sun beside her best friend.

"Ceec, I need to talk to you about something." Cece dropped the magazine and squealed.

"Oh my God, are you pregnant already? I knew there was something up!" Jess clamped a hand around Cece's mouth and gave her a look that made Cece freeze.

"No, and keep your voice down. You're the only one who knows about that!" She shot a glance in Winston's direction. He was too busy with his basketball lesson, and Jess heaved a sigh of relief. "Nick and I had a fight a few weeks ago, and we haven't even slept in the same bed since."

Cece's eyes bugged out in shock. "Jessica Damn Day, are you kidding me? A few weeks? Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Jess eyed her nervously. "Because I needed time to process it." She fiddled with her hair as she told Cece the whole story, leaving out the part about Reagan kissing Nick.

"Oh, honey, no! I'm so sorry. I will smack him extra hard when he gets home." Cece went from model in the sun to mama bear so fast, Jess nearly dropped her tea.

"Cece, it's fine. Is it wrong to say that I was kind of expecting this? I mean, it is typical Nick..." Jess felt guilty about saying that.

"Look, Jess, you know him better than anybody, even Schmidt and Winston. Maybe, you should think about why he's suddenly started to let the doubts plague him again. Because he has been good all these years. These things don't just come out of nowhere, he must have had his reasons." Jess thought about that. She knew that Cece was right. There must have been some sort of catalyst for all of this, whether Nick knew it consciously or not. "And, there is absolutely no doubt that he loves you with everything that he has. Even I'm a bit jealous of the way he looks at you."

Jess laughed aloud, and smacked her friend lightly on the arm. "Seriously, Schmidt looks at you like he would tap you like a maple tree every chance he gets."

"Speaking of tapping things, how are you keeping Little Jess occupied if Nick is sleeping in a different room? Mama needs her biscuits, Jessica, even when she's angry." Jess blushed a deep crimson at Cece's words.

"Cece, inappropriate! My children and your children are in earshot!"

"Okay, fine, don't tell me, but seriously, angry sex is the best sex..." Cece quirked her eyebrows. "So, anyway, Reagan...how's that going?"

"Well, I haven't actually seen her since the dinner, but Jacob's here because Sadie had to go and deliver a baby and, well, Reagan is kinda coming to pick him up?" Jess watched Cece's expression turn to one of shock.

"Jess, she's coming here? Today?" Jess looked over at Jacob, who was on his knees tying Moses's shoelace.

"Yeah, things are going really well with her and Sadie, and Jacob seems to like her. So, we're going to play nice today and get over it. It's been eight years, Ceec. We all have to move past this." Cece reached out and hugged Jess gently.

"You're too good to people sometimes, Jess," she whispered into Jess's ear and Jess shrugged. This was who she was, and she'd be damned if she was going to quit now.

\--

"Reagan, you found us. Welcome to our home! Come in! Can I get you a drink?" Jess led the tall brunette into the kitchen, clearing a space at the table. She moved a pile of Nick's handwritten sheets and paused slightly as she saw her name on the top one.

"Oh, thanks, I'd love a glass of water." Reagan looked around uncomfortably. Cece and Winston had departed a little while earlier and Jacob was now on the living room floor with Reggie, showing him how to draw Batman.

Jess poured her a glass and handed it over. "You have a lovely home, Jess."

"Thanks, yeah, we moved in just before Mitch was born. We lived in a two bedroom apartment before that!" Jess smiled at the memory. Trying to get Reggie to sleep in his new room was impossible, he kept insisting that he wanted to go home. Nick had laid down with him every night until he went to sleep for weeks.

"So, when did you move out of the loft, then?" Reagan asked.

"Just after we married. Winston pranked us and created fake eviction notices, it was a whole thing." Jess smiled. "Nick actually didn't speak to him for weeks!"

Reagan placed her glass down and wandered, looking carefully at all the photographs on the wall. "Wow, is that Paris?"

"Yeah, we went on a European tour for Pepperwood, it was a whirwind six months of food and bookstores and culture and art...We made some really good memories!" Jess lifted up the back of her hair. "See, I even got a neck tattoo." Reagan laughed lightly at the JSES.

"Were you high?"

"It was in Amsterdam, and yes, I was obviously very high!"

"I should probably get going. Is Jacob ready?" Reagan edged towards the living room.

"Actually, Reagan, can I ask you something, before you go?" Jess inhaled and exhaled deeply. "Why did you kiss Nick that night? A couple of weeks ago."

Reagan spun around and looked horrified. "Oh, God, he told you." She took a seat at the kitchen table and spread her hands in front of her. "Look, I'll be honest, Jess, I was very drunk."

Jess sat down beside her and pursed her lips. "I know that, but I'm asking you why. Even drunk people have a reason, Reagan."

Reagan started to tear up and muttered, "Actually, it's because I was a bit jealous. Nick just seems so...together...now. He has you and the kids and a great career. I was just thrown, because over the years, I kept telling myself that I had dodged a bullet. I was alone, but at least I wasn't stuck in a relationship with a man-child who out of the blue decided that he wanted more out of a relationship than I could give him." Reagan allowed a single tear to fall before wiping it with the tip of her thumb. "It actually all started to fall apart after you left for Portland, Jess. I guess I should have realized then that Nick was in love with you. The amount of times he called you, and freaked out cause you weren't there to talk to...I could have been that person, Jess, if I'd been given the chance." She took a steadying breath. "Are you gonna tell Sadie?"

Jess quickly shook her head. "No, of course not! She doesn't need to know. And, weirdly, I get it. I told you before that Nick sneaks up on you. And, to this day, he's still the only person I would climb into an air duct with. But, now I know that he would always have come back for me, whether you were there or not. So, you need to not take this personally."

Reagan smiled at her and patted her on the shoulder. "Jess, seriously, why are you so nice?"

"You're the second person to say that to me today. I'm nice, but I'm also tough and strong, and I know what I want out of life. And I want people to be happy, Reagan. And I will do whatever I can to make that possible. Even if it means making myself unhappy." Jess stood up.

"I really do think I'm falling for Sadie, Jess." Reagan smiled, wiping her eyes once more.

"Good, I'm glad." She stepped into the living room and helped Jacob locate his sneakers. He and Reagan chatted amicably together as they left Mars Landing, and Jess felt a load lift off of her chest. She hadn't been aware that she had viewed Reagan as a threat, until she realized that she wasn't one.

Jess closed the front door behind her and stepped back into the kitchen. She found Nick's notes again and stared down at his scrawl on the page. She was used to seeing the name Jessica written in her home, due to Jessica Knight, but this had caught her eye because it said Jessica Day. She stared at the sentence fragments scattered across the page.

_Nicholas and Jessica Day-Miller. Seeing our names entwined like that on the page, knowing that it's forever, that it's permanent, both fills me with pride that I managed to get a wonderful woman like you to agree to marry me, and horrifies me, because it also means that you are stuck with me for the rest of our lives._

_You could have married Russell. And yet you still chose to have a weird, wonderful life with me instead. I won't even try to understand why you did that._

_Jessica, I always saw myself as the weird detour that women take before they find the man they want to marry. And, yet, you've chosen to view me as the destination, and that freaks me out, because I don't think I deserve to be this happy._

_I should have kissed you that night on the cruise. I should have become Paradise Nick again and just kissed you, because I was a fool who didn't know how good he had it til you were gone._

_That day I pretended to be gay for you, I brought that girl home from the bar on purpose, because I couldn't bare the thought of another man touching you that wasn't me. I hoped to drown out the sounds of your sighs from across the hall with the sound of the girl, but I felt so guilty I pretended to pass out so I didn't have to touch her._

_My father haunts my thoughts every day. I hope that I'm everything for my boys that my father was not for me, and the pressure gets to me every day. The responsibility is a chain around my neck, but I do it for you, Jess, because making you smile has been my number one goal since the day I first saw you cry over Spencer._

Jess felt the tears well in her eyes. Was Nick writing all this down because he wanted to tell her, or was he just venting to the page, like he did with his novels? She replaced the notes on the table and went to put the boys to bed.

\--

Jess heard Nick stumble in hours later. He sounded like he and Schmidt had had a few beers after the books were done. He was singing _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ quietly under his breath as he passed her door and stepped into his office. Jess slipped out of bed. She was wearing one of Nick's shirts like a nightdress, because it smelled like Old Spice and that peppermint lotion Schmidt kept gifting him. She walked into his office and leaned against the door.

"Oh, hey, do you like my hat?" Nick said, affecting an English accent.

She smiled and tugged his blue Pepperwood hat off of his head. "Come to bed, you clown!"

He grinned wide and stammered, "Are you sure, Jessica?"

She pecked him on the cheek and said, "This is not total forgiveness, but I'm willing to start trying. For now, I need a good night's sleep, and I need you in that bed with me to do that."

Nick reached across and threw her over his shoulder like a caveman. "I can live with that. Let's go!"


	15. Face To Face

"Now, this gentile is my cousin Larry's wife, Kimiko. She was a strip...uh, a dancer in Florida!"

Ruth took a sip of her root beer and sighed dramatically. "Daddy, why did Cousin Larry marry a gentile?"

Schmidt touched a finger to the side of his nose. "The same reason I married a gentile, sweetie. Cause no Schmidt can resist an Asian goddess!"

The sound of loud swearing came from inside the men's bathroom, and Schmidt swiftly covered his daughter's ears until it had subsided into mutters. He jumped off the bar stool, leaving Ruth to pore over the family photographs he had brought and went to investigate. He pushed open the door and glared at Nick. "Seriously Nick, I'm trying to help Ruth with her homework! What in the name of Billy Joel's ghost are you doing?"

Nick rolled his eyes and leaned back under the sink. "Billy Joel is still alive, ya moron!" He picked up a wrench. "And, what does it look like I'm doing, I'm fixing the damn leaky men's room sink!"

Schmidt huffed out an exasperated sigh and muttered an oath under his breath. "Nick, all you are doing is bashing the pipes and swearing at an inappropriate level within earshot of your niece! What the hell is the matter with you, anyway? Is this still because of Jess? I thought you guys were doing better?"

Nick whacked the nearest pipe to hand and cursed, "You son of a...virgin!" He threw a dirty look in Schmidt's direction. "Better?"

"I'll allow it! Seriously, though, talk to me! Let's rap it out, dawg!" He turned around at the sound of a giggle from Ruth. She was making faces at one of the bar regulars and he was making ones back at her from over his beer glass. "Ruthie, please don't bother the tavern-folk! Do your homework, please!" She immediately picked up her pencil and started writing again.

Nick grimaced. "Please, don't ever call me dawg again. It's offensive!" He sighed and sat up again, moving the bucket back under the drip coming from the S bend. "Look, Jess and I are doing better, okay? It's nice to be back in my marital bed, don't get me wrong! Just, I'm physically suffering from withdrawal or something. She's so close, but I'm scared to touch her in case she's not ready. She's only just starting to forgive me, but I messed up big. I have to be patient." He paused, scratching at his stubble. "I have been sleeping properly again, though, which is a relief, cause I was starting to talk out loud as Pepperwood, but with a gumshoe 30s accent, like some kinda idiot!" He slapped himself on each cheek quickly.

Schmidt helped him to his feet and patted him on the shoulder. "I feel like you could do with a drink, my man!" He led Nick back out to the bar and poured him a measure of bourbon. "Here, sit there and try not to get toilet water germs everywhere!" Nick climbed onto the stool beside Ruth and warily watched Schmidt behind the bar. Schmidt flashed him a smile. "I feel like a man of the people, here!"

Nick rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Ruth's exercise book. "Whatcha doing there, kid? Writing a story?"

Ruth glanced up and then pointed at the photos in front of her. "It's a family tree for school. See, there's me and Moses, and there's daddy and mommy, and here's Nani Priyanka, and Grandpa Gavin, and Grandma Louise and Grandma Susan. And, there's Uncle Reggie." Nick barked out a laugh at the sight of Louise's fluffy dog beside Schmidt's face on her family tree. Schmidt was not amused.

"Uncle Reggie? Did mommy put you up to this?" He dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. "Honestly, that dog is the reason I have an ulcer! Well, that and my old job and my kids and my non-kosher diet..."

Nick sipped his bourbon. "Well, you're doing a great job, Ruthie!" Schmidt heard a hint of pride in Nick's voice.

"You know, that'll be you in a few years. Having to explain the craziness of a joint Day-Miller family tree! I really hope I get to witness that!" He punched Nick on the arm playfully.

They were interrupted by a man clearing his throat behind them. Schmidt looked up to see an older gentleman in a brown leather jacket and some of the shiniest shoes he had ever seen. He gazed in awe for a few seconds, before pasting on a huge smile. "Welcome to The Griffin, sir. What can I get you?" He pulled Nick's towel out from under the bar and wiped down the wood in front of him. He could feel Nick's eyes squinting at him, judging him. He ignored it.

The man took the stool on the other side of Ruth. He was tall, well over six feet at Schmidt's estimation, and held himself straight-backed. "I'll have a scotch on the rocks." His voice was deep and gravely, and the dark skin of his forearms was covered in an impressively detailed tattoo.

"Coming right up!" Schmidt made a show of preparing the drink, while Nick winced in his seat.

"You sure you don't want me to make it, Schmidt?" Nick asked, a pained expression on his face.

"I've got this, Nick. You just sit there and think about your pipes and how they're not getting any action because you're the dumbest of all the dumbest boys who can't appreciate how good he's got it!" He placed the scotch in front of the stranger and received a toothy grin in return.

"Oh, pipe problems, eh? We've all been there, kid!" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Schmidt grinned. He was glad that his code had reached someone, even if it wasn't the intended target.

Nick just stared at the man, confusedly, his eyebrows knitting together. "It's just a leaky sink, nothing that a bit of duct tape can't fix."

"It's gonna take a bit more than duct tape to fix that particular problem, my friend." Schmidt placed another root beer in front of Ruth and got another beer for one of the regulars. "I mean, it's been almost two months!"

Nick's eyes widened in alarm as he finally cottoned on to Schmidt's hidden meaning. "No, I am not discussing my _leaky pipes_ in front of your daughter and a complete stranger, man! Not cool!"

Schmidt huffed out an exasperated breath then turned to Ruth. "Sweetie, daddy needs to talk some sense into Uncle Nick. Can you go finish this in the back office?" She nodded and Nick helped her down from the stool. She reached out for her backpack and books and skipped off. Schmidt tidied up the pile of photographs and placed them in front of Nick.

The stranger moved down the bar towards them. "So, you got yourself some girl trouble, huh?"

Nick put his face in his hands. "I've got some wife trouble..." He turned back to Schmidt. "She just keeps wearing these pretty dresses and I'm lying awake watching her put her tights on in the morning and I just want to grab her and throw her..."

"Nick, please, that is Jess you are referring to! I absolutely do NOT need to here the end of that sentence!" Schmidt said, horrified.

"Oh, but it's totally okay for me to hear about Harold and Kumar and the fun the three of you had in Ruthie's playhouse?" Schmidt grinned fondly at the memory of Cece pressed close to him in that damn plastic deathtrap, but even he could admit that it had been wild.

"That's totally different. Cece is a gift to the masses from the good Lord himself whereas Jess is just...Jess."

Nick glared at him. "Watch it, Schmidty," he warned, anger lacing his voice.

Schmidt held his hands out in front of him. "No offence, bro, you know that I love Jess, but you should be pleased that I'm in no way sexually attracted to your wife, who is like a sister to me. Just like you're only midly attracted to Cece."

Nick started. "I'm in NO WAY attracted to Cece. She's not my type!"

The old man chuckled quietly beside them. "You boys must have given your mother an awful time of it when you were growing up."

Schmidt laughed aloud. "No, we're not actually related. We just have a very close bond." Nick turtle faced at him.

"Well, son, I take it that you made her mad, somehow, and that's why she's not..." He waggled his eyebrows again.

"Hey, pal, maybe not do that thing with your eyebrows while talking about my beloved, okay?" Nick gripped his glass tightly.

"Have you planned your big romantic gesture, yet?"

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna cut it this time. She's lost some of her faith in me, cause I'm not very good at believing in myself. She has so much confidence in my abilities as a person, and as a father, and as a husband, and I just don't see it." Nick sighed, and Schmidt's heart ached just a little bit. "I've tried to write it all down, to show her, but the words keep coming out jumbled and they keep appearing in the wrong order, so I have to piece them all together."

Schmidt smiled. "LIke a love letter? Nick, that's perfect! But, in the meantime, may I suggest that instead of holding back and being afraid, you just..." he screwed up his face, "...grab her while she's putting on her tights. What do you have to lose?" He willed away the thoughts of Nick and Jess having sex by pressing his fingers into his eyesockets.

Nick laughed. "Schmidt, you are sometimes very wise, but I don't want to risk something this big. She actually exploded at me out of nowhere the other night while we were watching a movie because she remembered that Mitch had pointed at Reagan on your wedding DVD and said _That's daddy's friend from the park!_ "

Schmidt's eyes widened. "Ouch, having to hear about it from your two-year-old, that's harsh!"

"Yeah, so I'm screwed and my marriage is being held together with duct tape, but you know, at least I'm sleeping well!" Nick put his head in his hands.

"Marriage is tricky, but you have to keep working on it. You don't want to be a fool and throw it all away for the wrong reasons. I walked away from my wife and my kids a long, long time ago, and I regret it so much." Schmidt's eyes landed on the gentleman, who looked pained. "I was a cop, and I let all the power go to my head. I was young and foolish, and I pissed it all away." His eyes lit up as he spotted something behind the bar. "Hey, is that the Bears symbol? We got a Chicagoan here?"

Nick looked up at him. "Yeah, that's a piece of a football helmet that my dad gave me. You from Chicago, too?"

"I sure am, South Side born and raised. Haven't lived there in over forty years, though." He swilled his ice around in his glass.

"Get out, I'm from the South Side, too! I've been living here in LA for almost twenty years." Nick reached a hand out. "I'm Nick, Nick Miller. This here is Winston Schmidt, we own the place."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both. Miller, eh? I put away a lot of South Side Millers in my day!" Nick grimaced slightly before chuckling softly. Schmidt walked out from behind the bar. Big Bob had just arrived for his shift.

"So, what brings you to LA, my man?" Schmidt asked politely.

"I'm here to try and find my son. He lives here. He called me, tried to reach out a few years ago, but I was too chicken to respond." He finished his drink, pulled out his wallet and placed a twenty on the bar. "You boys can keep the change, and I hope that everything works out for you, Nick." As he was turning to go, he said, "My contacts in the force told me that my boy owned a bar out this side of town. It's time for me to try the next one!"

Schmidt called out, "Hey, we never got your name!"

The man pulled his jacket in closer to himself and called out over his shoulder, "It's Bishop. Van Bishop."

\--

Schmidt clutched the bar tightly. He could hear Ruth singing a Hawaiian song along with Bob while he made her a Shirley Temple. Nick's face was still a picture of shock. Pulling back to himself, Schmidt walked towards the front door.

Nick reached out and caught his shoulder before he could take another step. "Where are you going, Schmidt?"

"I'm going to go out there and I'm going to beat the crap out of that large, handsome, Chi-Town ex-cop." Nick's grip tightened.

"No, you are definitely not gonna do that, cause that would be a felony, and you wouldn't survive a second in an LA prison." Nick slapped him lightly on the cheek and Schmidt felt himself sag.

"Nick, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna tell Winston?" Schmidt had had to see the hurt on Winston's face when his father had never called him back. He was so upset that Furguson had died without ever meeting his grandfather, and even Schmidt had to admit that had made him tear up slightly.

Nick looked troubled. "I dunno, man. Part of me says that we should. Because what if he comes back here and notices that photo on the wall and realizes that Winston is also one of the owners of this bar? Or he comes back and Winston is here, in one of his crazy bird shirts, showing off selfies of him and Nafta?"

Schmidt looked down at his shoes and sighed. "So, how we gonna do this? Rock, paper, scissors?"

Nick slapped him on the back of his head and said resignedly, "We tell him together, and the sooner the better. If I've learned anything from the past couple months, it's that it'll hurt far worse for all of us if we don't."


	16. Side By Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks so much to everyone for the lovely reviews! You are all so great!

"Mrs. Miller, tell Nick that it's my turn to be the cop!"

"Hey, no fair, he got a really long time being the cop, it's his turn to be the robber!"

"Boys, take this outside, or so help me, if you wake Jamie, I will tan your asses!" Bonnie roared back at her son and his best friend. "And, I mean tan it more than it already is, Winston Bishop!"

The boys did not need to be told twice. They ran out of the house, slapping each other and arguing the whole way out to the front yard. It was a hot, muggy day and school had just let out for the summer. Nick tackled Winston from behind, and the two of them wrestled on the lawn, arms flailing and voices raised. Nick had the element of surprise on his side, but Winston soon had the upper hand, being taller and more athletic. Nick tapped out and flopped back onto the grass, wheezing. Winston joined him a moment later and they spent about fifteen minutes just lying there and laughing their asses off.

"Nick, you ever think about what it's like being a grown up?" Winston turned his head to catch Nick's eyes.

"Sometimes. It must be nice to not have to eat your veggies. Or to stay up late whenever you want." Nick smiled gleefully. "Or to get a job and earn lots of cash. Think of all the cool things I could buy for Ma if I could have some money!"

"You'd just buy her chocolate and flowers, Nick. You always spend your money real quick!" Winston bashed him on the shoulder and Nick winced.

"Yeah, well, I HAVE to spend my money really fast. Cause when my dad comes home, the first place he looks is my piggybank. I've started putting some in a box in my closet underneath my comic books so he can't find it!" Nick rolled onto his stomach and plucked a daisy out of the grass. "Winston, do you think we'll still be friends when we're grown up?"

"Hell yes! We'll live in a mansion and have lots of girlfriends, and I can get a pet! I've always wanted a pet!" Winston shrugged. "You and me will always be friends, Nick, you'll see. And then our kids will be best friends, too!"

They were both silent for a moment, dreaming of a shared future. "Do you think we'll ever leave Chicago?" Nick asked.

Winston knew that Nick had been dreaming of leaving for as long as he had known him. Even at only nine years old, Nick Miller was the most serious person he had ever met. He was like an old man in a kid's body. But, he knew that Nick had it tough at home, with Pop-Pop being on the road all the time. Mrs. Miller did everything she could to make sure that there was food on the table, and she always made sure that Winston, and sometimes Alisha, had a decent meal whenever she could, too. Winston's mom worked two jobs just to keep the lights on, and he had always envied Nick for having a dad around, even though he wasn't always home.

"Sometimes, I think we'll travel the world. But, I would be happy just to move to a different city. Maybe New York! Oh, or San Francisco!" Winston clapped his hands and swiped at his forehead. "Boy, it's hot! You wanna go get some ice cream?"

Nick started picking the petals off the daisy in his hands. "I don't have any money, Winston, remember?"

"I still have a little bit left over from the money Pop-Pop gave me for my birthday. Come on, I'm buying!" Winston stood up and hauled Nick to his feet.

"Can you stop calling him that! He's my dad, Winston!"

Winston looked hurt. "At least you have a dad!"

Nick stared at his feet as they walked towards the store on the corner. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his chest. He knew that Winston didn't have a dad, but he wished that he would give him back his. Then he felt a roll of guilt wash through him. It wasn't Winston's fault that his dad was an ass. It wasn't Winston's fault that Walt Miller loved Winston more than he loved Nick. And, it certainly wasn't Winston's fault that he got better birthday presents than Nick did.

Nick and Winston had become friends because some kids were hassling Winston about the holes in his sneakers on his first day in Second Grade, and Nick had launched himself into a fight against five other kids because he felt that pain in his chest that meant he had to do something to help. Nick had brought Winston home and his mom had given him some soup and crackers, and had given him a pair of Nick's sneakers to take home with him. Plus, the guy was hilarious and it was nice to have someone to grumble with at lunchtime.

Winston bought them ice cream cones and Nick was glad that he didn't seem to be too mad. They talked about sports on the way home. When they arrived back at Nick's house, his dad was sitting on the front step. Nick breathed out. He hadn't seen his father in almost six months. "Dad, you're back!"

Walt stood up and hugged Nick and Winston. "You didn't think your old man would miss your birthday, did ya kiddo?"

Nick tensed up. "My birthday was last month, dad..."

Walt smiled. "I know that, I just didn't get a chance to get home then. But, I brought you a present." He took a large box out from the backseat of his car and handed it to Nick. "Well, open it! There's something for Winnie, too!"

Nick opened the box and inside was a Chicago Bears football helmet. He took it gingerly into his hands and stared. "Dad, this is amazing! But, how could you afford it..."

"Don't be silly, Nickels, it's a present! Here Bishop, this one's for you!"

Winston opened his box and pulled out a Chicago Bulls basketball, just like the one in the store window at the mall. "Wow, Mr. Miller. This is great! Thank you!"

Walter pulled out his camera and turned to them. "Let's capture this moment! You two really look like brothers!"

Nick put his arm around Winston's shouders and smiled his first genuine smile in months for the photo. Walt disappeared inside the house to see Bonnie. "Hey, Winston. You can share my dad with me. We're brothers now!"

Winston smiled and clapped him on the back. "Thanks, Nick!"

\--

Nick looked at the framed piece of helmet once more before locking up, getting in his car and driving home. It was after midnight, and he had been thinking about Winston all day. This news was either going to crush him, make him blindingly angry, or make him very happy.

Nick had been more than happy to share his dad with Winston after that day. Winston practiced all that summer with that basketball and had made the school team, which increased his popularity. But, he had always brought Nick with him, never leaving him behind. And, they had been together through every big moment since.

Nick pulled into the driveway of Mars Landing to see that their bedroom light was still on. He let himself in, took off his shoes and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He made his way upstairs and entered his bedroom. Jess was sprawled on her stomach on the bed, facing away from him, with her legs in the air. Nick swallowed audibly and took her in. She was wearing a short, blue dress and no tights, and her legs looked so long and lovely that they just took his breath away. Her skirt had ridden up slightly in the back and he caught a glimpse of red and white polka dots on her panties.

He leaned over, ran his hands over her calves and placed a kiss on the sole of one of her feet. She giggled and flipped over. "Oh, you're home!" she whispered. "I was just doing some more teacher evals. Didn't realize it was so late."

She stretched and hopped up, clearing off the bed. She placed her stack of papers on the vanity. "You look exhausted, hard night?"

Nick chugged his beer and reached into the drawer of her dresser. He pulled out a handful of her night peanuts and sat down, laying back against the headboard. He sighed wearily.

"So, Schmidt and I met Winston's dad today." He cracked open a nut and tossed it into his mouth. Jess came and sat beside him, reaching for a nut of her own.

"Are you serious?" Jess's expression morphed into one of shock. "How?"

"He came to the bar. We didn't know who he was at first. We served him a drink and made small talk. As he was leaving, he told us he was looking for his son. And, that son is Winston." Nick grimaced and rubbed his face.

"Wow, that's BIG! We all know how disappointed he was when Van never rang back..." Jess had been there to hold his hand as he cried about it months later, when his wedding invitations had arrived from the printers, and he had still heard nothing. "Are you gonna tell him?" She reached out and twined their fingers together. Nick smiled and squeezed back.

"Yeah, Schmidt and I are gonna do it tomorrow. He needs to know. But, I'm seriously stressing out about this. You know what I'm like with big news. What if I blow it? Winston is my best friend. What if he gets angry at me?"

Jess leaned over and took his beer, taking a swig before placing it on the nightstand. "Nick, why would Winston be mad at you? It's not your fault that his dad found you before he found Winston."

Nick nodded. "I know, I'm overreacting. But, Winston not having a dad is what made us brothers, Jess." He proceeded to tell her the story of the day he got his football helmet, and how it symbolised not just his relationship with his father by being a token of his come-day, go-day affection. It was a symbol of Nick opening himself up to the idea of sharing the one thing in the world he craved the most, his father's attention, with someone who needed it more than he did. "I gave it to you, Jess, because it was the one possession from my terrible childhood that actually meant something to me. And, breaking it to get it off your head, that hurt so much...but I realized that I didn't need the helmet, because I had that memory, Jess."

He felt Jess move closer until her head was laying on his chest. "I still feel really guilty about that, Nick. If I had known, I never would have tried to get rid of it..."

He placed a kiss in her hair and pulled her closer. "Jess, it's okay. It's my fault for not talking to you about it, about a lot of things. But, you mean so much to me, and I'm working on it, I promise. I have something I'm cooking up for you, but it won't be ready for a while. And when it's done, I hope that it'll prove to you that I can do this, and not just because you want me to, but because I want to for you."

He felt Jess's fingers on his thigh. She rolled her body on top of his and kissed him, deeply. He cupped her cheeks and tangled his fingers in her hair. She whimpered at the contact and he growled, pulling her tight to him, rocking his growing erection into her centre.

Jess pulled back from the kiss. "I love you, Nick." She kissed him again, sliding her hands under his T-shirt and pulling it off over his head. Nick gently removed her glasses and then reached for the hem of her dress, breaking the kiss momentarily to lift it off of her frame. He took in the beautiful curve of her breasts and reached to unclip her bra. She pulled it off.

"I love you so much, Jessica. God, you're beautiful." He rolled them until she was under him, thighs spread. He kissed a trail from the lips to her neck, pausing to nip at her collarbone, before sucking a taut nipple into his mouth. She arched her back under him, rocking her hips and gasping. She reached down and massaged his length through his pants. Nick slid lower, away from her touch and continued pressing kisses across her navel, before hooking his fingers into her panties, drawing them down her hips. She moaned and he looked up into her eyes as he swiped the flat of his tongue across her folds.

"Fuck," she cried out and he pulled back.

"You gotta be quiet, Jess..." He peppered kisses up the inside of her thighs, feeling her quivering under his touch. She nodded, her eyes glazed with lust.

He slowly slid a finger into her, pressing it back and forth before easing a second into her. "You're so wet for me, honey. And, so tight." He teased her clit with his tongue, and reaching across to lay a hand across her hips, he sucked her clit into his mouth. She gasped wetly and bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out. He brought her right to the edge of her orgasm before pulling back. He inhaled her sweet scent and took in the vision of her, flushed and wanton, because of his ministrations. He leaned back in and swirled his tongue into her folds again, feeling her tense as she was brought back to the brink. Her heels were digging into the small of his back, and she was muttering curses over and over. He curved his fingers inside her and applied pressure with his tongue. She came undone, crying out his name softly. He held her to him, drawing out her pleasure by twisting his fingers and reaching up to fondle her breast. She moaned out an aftershock as he pulled his fingers from her and kissed his way back to her lips.

He groaned and rocked against her, his cock now painfully throbbing in his pants. Jess reached for his belt buckle and made quick work of sliding his pants and boxers down in one go. She took him in her hand and gave him a few sweet strokes. "Jess," he growled, "you gotta stop that. It's been too long for you to do that right now!"

She released him with a pout. He pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. He ran his length through her wet folds before slowly pressing inside. He paused once he was fully submerged in her wetness. He held himself back, letting her adjust. She was twitching around him, still sensitive from her orgasm. He clung to the mattress desperately, willing himself not to move yet. He pressed a kiss on her neck, whispering in her ear, "You feel so amazing, Jess. I love you."

She responded by thrusting her hips up, fucking herself onto him. His eyes rolled back in his head and he grabbed her hips, stilling her. "Slowly, Jess."

He rocked into her, hips circling and building a nice easy rhythm. He kissed her, swallowing her moans, as he made love to her. He paid attention to every inch of skin pressed to his. He tried to memorize every little detail; the mole on her shoulder, the length of her legs as she knotted them around his hips, the sighs she made when he bent one of her legs back, changing the angle and thrusting deeper. He knew that he had to remember everything, in case he lost it all again tomorrow. Jess was moving with him, a steady rolling of her hips to meet his. She was starting to tighten around him, and he buried his face in the crook of her neck as he felt her tip over the edge again, squeezing him as she cried out. He paused, letting her ride it out. He was close to his end, but he was going to do his damnedest to make her make that noise again.

He felt her relax and he pressed himself in and out of her, painfully slowly. "I want to feel you come again for me, honey. Are you gonna come for me?"

She whimpered her assent, and his self-control fled him as she whispered, "Please, Nick."

He brought a hand between their bodies, to where they were joined so intimately, and he circled her sensitized clit roughly with his thumb. She bit his shoulder, cutting off what was sure to be a loud scream. As he brought her closer and closer to another release, he sped up his thrusts. "I'm so close, please Jessica, come with me..."

He kissed her deeply, tugging sharply on her hair as she came for a third time. His own release barrelled into him, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He cried out her name and a string of expletives, as he heard waterfalls and birds, and his vision whited out.

He rolled gently off of her, reaching out and tucking her to his chest, one hand caressing her back as their heart rates returned to normal. He turned them onto their sides and spooned her close, before drifting off into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review. I'm like Nick begging Schmidt for notes, here! :-P


	17. Earth And Wood

Winston was really glad that they had included bubbles as party favors. Not that he needed much convincing, he loved these things. He and Aly were finally getting to sit down, worn out from a ton of dancing. The champagne had been flowing pretty heavily, and he had a good buzz going. Here he was on his wedding day with his feet up on the table in front of him, blowing bubbles towards Aly, who was giggling and popping them with her finger.

Looking over towards the dancefloor, he laughed aloud. Nick stumbled slightly as he accidentally careened into Aly’s sister Leslie. He was easily two drinks past drunk at this stage of the day, and his jacket and tie had long since been misplaced. He moved his arms and legs languidly to the steady beat of Beyoncé’s _Single Ladies_ , chorusing the words he knew in a hoarse scream. Leslie giggled, steadying him with her hand. As the song came to an end, he led Leslie back to the table.

“Whoa, there, you’re way too drunk to be out here living your best Beyoncé life, Best Man.” Leslie prodded him in the chest.

“You’re one to talk, Maid of Honor. You’re such a lightweight.” Nick stuck his tongue out at her. “And, I would trust Beyoncé with my life!”

Leslie just threw her head back and giggle-screamed before heading back out to dance.

“Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Bishop, have you seen my old lady anywhere? About yea high, a vision in dusky pink?” Nick threw his hands out and indicated the drunken crowd of wedding guests around him. "I figured where there are bubbles, there will eventually be Jess, she's such a sucker for those things, and yet, she's being strangely elusive..."

Winston reached out and pulled his wife's feet into his lap, and she giggled tipsily again. He would never get used to calling her his wife. She looked so beautiful walking down that aisle on her dad's arm that he had actually started sobbing at how lucky he was. Nick had patted him reassuringly on the back as Cece had dug a handkerchief out of her purse. The minister had actually pulled a face, the heartless bastard. Aly didn't seem to care, though. She seemed like she loved that he could feel such strong emotions over her.

“Whoa, have you lost her again, Miller? Seriously, you want to borrow my handcuffs?” Aly snorted, slapping Winston’s knee. Winston just waggled his eyebrows and sent some bubbles floating into the air.

“This’ll be you and Jess next, Nick, and I'm telling you, man, Schmidt and I will do a much better Best Man speech for you than both of yours put together!” He chuckled. “That is, if you can find her again. What was it this time? Did she spot another confetti cannon?”

Nick stood up straighter and puffed out his chest. “It was _Single Ladies_. That damn beat gets me every time.” Aly laughed, and pointed across at Schmidt and Cece, who had managed to procure a full bottle of Prosecco and were passing it back and forth under the flower arch, while making out like a couple of horny teenagers.

“We throw the best weddings. Look at how drunk everyone is, Winston! Drunk on our joy, and our copious amounts of free alcohol!” She grinned. “And we get to arrest anyone who tries to drive home drunk later!”

He threw his head back and laughed. Nick scanned the crowd again, finally catching sight of a familiar tangle of brown curls, dancing with Alisha. She spotted him waving at her and stumbled over.

“Miller, are you all Beyoncéd out?” Jess slurred.

“I sure am. She is a cruel mistress!” He added in his Jude Law accent, making her collapse in laughter against him.

“You’re such a goof!”

Winston smiled. They were so good together. He had been holding out hope for his friends' reunion since they had broken up. He was genuinely devastated for both of them, and had tried matchmaking them several times in the intervening years. Why couldn't they just have seen that they made each other so happy? Still, those crazy kids had gotten their act together in the end.

"So, when are we gonna be seeing Ms. Day walk down the aisle?" Aly poked Jess in the side, making her giggle.

"I dunno. When are you gonna make an honest woman outta me, Nicholas?" she asked flirtatiously.

Winston saw Nick's grip on her tighten ever so slightly and he smiled widely. _Well, I'll be damned, that's a classic Nick Miller 'I already know the answer to that' face._ Winston caught Nick's eye and raised his eyebrows. Nick grinned sheepishly at him.

"Well, Jessica, we're going to Portland next week, and then we're going to Europe for six months, so...I guess I'll know when the time is right." Jess blushed and leaned her head back to kiss him.

Winston reached out and tangled his fingers in Aly's. Love was amazing, and he was so glad that all of his friends had found what he had.

\--

"Winnie..."

Winston curled up, burying his face further into his pillow. He was dreaming about the happiest damn day of his life, and he didn't want it to end.

"Winston!" He felt Aly's hand shove him hard on the shoulder.

He awoke with a grumble and mumbled sleepily, "What is it? Are the kids awake?"

Aly sighed and turned over. It was still dark out, what the hell? "Answer your goddamn phone!"

Winston could hear the faint chirping of his ringtone cutting through his groggy thoughts. He reached out blindly to grab it from the nightstand. "I swear to God, if that's the station...I'm gonna jam a ski into the throat of the son of a bitch on the other end..." he threatened the air around him, miming his actions.

He pressed the button and murmured, "This is Bishop..."

"Winston, I'm calling a loft meeting!" Schmidt's over-exuberant voice cut through the sleep fog surrounding his brain.

"What the hell, Schmidt? What time is it? It's Saturday, and Saturday IS FOR SLEEPING!" Schmidt's words echoed in his ears. "And, we don't live in the goddamn loft anymore, Schmidt! Did you fall and hit your head? Do you have retrograde amnesia? What is your brother's name?"

"I don't have an actual related-by-blood brother, but my child is including my mother's beloved dog Reggie as one on her class family tree project, so I don't even want to think about what Ms. Green is going to think about our family after she sees that. Ruth is already a double minority!" Schmidt sounded horrified. "Anyway, according to the Loft Agreement, section 4, subsection C, all former loftmates must attend any loft meetings if they have been so summoned by one of the lease signees. Cece and I, and Nick and Jess, will be coming to your house, kids very much in tow, at 10am. So, that gives you four hours to prepare yourselves."

Winston winced, and swore under his breath. That damn loft agreement was really coming back to bite him on the ass. "Is Coach gonna be there, too? How about Reagan? Or sweet, gay Steve?" Then he took in Schmidt's words. "Dude, why are you awake at 6am on a Saturday?!"

Aly shot him a death glare from the other side of the bed. "Hang up, or I will end you!"

Winston squirmed under her gaze and waited for Schmidt's reply. "I'm going to hot yoga. These buns don't just magically bake themselves, you know. They have to be sculpted with rigorous training." He paused and suddenly sounded very serious. "Look, Winston, there's something that we need to discuss, and it can't wait. Seriously, we'll see you at 10."

Schmidt hung up and Winston rolled over, spooning Aly to him. "Guys are all coming over at 10am for a loft meeting. Schmidt said that it was very serious."

Aly sighed and said sleepily, "He probably ran out of hair chut-en-ey or Cece spotted her first wrinkle."

Winston chuckled a bit, but he had to admit, Schmidt's tone had worried him. What was wrong?

\--

Schmidt and Cece arrived first, and Ruth had dragged her brother and the Bishop kids out into the yard to play. Teddy was on a playmat in the corner, chewing on a teething ring and wriggling. When Nick and Jess arrived with the boys a few minutes later, Aly had just finished making bacon and toast for everyone. Nick had a nervous look about him, and Winston was instantly suspicious. But, he noticed that he and Jess were arm in arm, and he smiled. _Oh, Nick got some lovin'!_ Schmidt was in the corner of the kitchen, using Winston's blender to make his patented Strawbana Smoothies for everyone.

When they had all settled around the dining table, Schmidt called the meeting to order, slurping his smoothie through his straw. "Okay, thank you to everyone for making it today. I know that Saturday is sacred for most of us, in many different ways, but this couldn't wait. Winston and Aly, we have some news for you."

Winston sat forward. "Good news or bad news?" He looked at Nick, who was starting to sweat slightly. "Is everyone okay? No-one's sick, are they? Shit, did you guys murder someone? Cause Aly and I can only do so much to hide evidence without losing our jobs..."

He trailed off when he felt Aly squeeze his thigh gently under the table. He was going into full on panicky Winston mode, and he took a deep breath to steady himself.

Schmidt frowned and said, "Winston, Nick and I were in the bar yesterday afternoon, and we had an unexpected visitor."

Winston nodded. "Go on."

Nick slapped a hand on the table and shouted, "IT WAS YOUR DAD, WINSTON!"

All the heads at the table whipped to him in alarm. Jess cleared her throat and murmured, "Oh yeah, you can keep Reagan a secret from me for weeks, but you can't hold in potentially devastating news from your best friend for one goddamn second?" She rolled her eyes.

Nick shot him an apologetic look and reached across to peck Jess on the lips. "Sorry, but this is a group situation, and I let the pressure get to me! This is Glove City all over again!"

Winston placed his smoothie onto the table in front of him and said calmly, "Is anyone gonna elaborate on this for me, please?" He raised his voice. "NOW!"

Schmidt held up his hands in self-defence and told him the entire story, pausing every so often for Winston to stop hyperventilating. "Nick even had to hold me back, man. I was ready to Rocky Balboa his Apollo Creed ass for you, bro, Long Island style."

As Winston processed, Cece reached across and took his hand. "Are you okay, babe?"

He looked up into her eyes and whispered, "Babe."

"Babe." She squeezed his hand once and sat back, putting her arm around Schmidt, who was visibly agitated.

Winston calmed down slightly. "Why is he here now? Why not eight years ago when I called him?" He felt a tear escape the corner of his eye. Aly put her arms around him.

Nick came around the table and patted him on the back. "Winnie, he said that he chickened out before. It's been a crazy long time, maybe he thought he couldn't be good enough to be in your life. Especially when he heard that you had grown up and were doing okay without him."

Jess's eyes widened slightly and Winston turned to face Nick. "Yeah, I suppose you're right. But, maybe he should have let me make that choice. He can't take my agency out of this situation. How I feel matters too." He shot a smile and an eyebrow wiggle across to Jess and she had to hide her blush in her smoothie glass.

Schmidt tapped the table lightly. "So, what are you gonna do, my man? Because, whatever you decide, we'll all be there to support you, no matter what. Myself and Nick know what it's like to have a deadbeat dad walking in and out of your life whenever he felt like it. And, it sucks. While he is your actual family, he wasn't there for you when it mattered most." Nick nodded in agreement.

Cece spoke up quietly. "And, I know what it's like to never be able to talk to my father again. I have, to this day, so many things that I never got to say to him, and that sucks, too. Because it's too late for me, he died before I could say them. And, I have to carry that around with me all the time. The regrets that twelve-year-old Cece brought to adult Cece's life are not easy burdens to carry."

Jess ran to her side and stroked her hair. Winston knew that Cece's dad's death had affected her deeply, and Jess had had to help her cope with it at the time. He took a deep breath and stood up.

"I need some time to process this. I can't make a decision right now!" He walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of rum and a basket of fruit. "Nick, you wanna give me a hand?"

Nick walked over warily. "With what?"

"With getting me very, very drunk. I need to be very, very drunk right now!" He reached into the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a packet of colorful cocktail umbrellas. "Do your worst, you fruity drink wizard. Who wants to play cards? Get the kids in, let's have a party!"

Aly sighed and glanced around the room. The others shrugged and they all decided that if this was what Winston needed to do right at that moment, they would go along with it. "I'll run to the store. Look after him please," Aly called out to Jess and Cece as she grabbed her jacket and car keys. "Make sure no-one opens the box of Amaretto in the garage, though. That's where I stash my chocolate."

Jess and Cece shot her a surprised glance. "What? One more visit to the ER with Junior and Dr. Sam will actually report us to CPS."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me being SO NAUGHTY and asking for reviews! :-P


	18. Overdue

"Hey, Julio, can we get a pink wine, a vodka soda, a Midori sour, a beer, an old-fashioned, and a whatever the fuck blue shit Winston is drinking, please?" Jess swayed slightly on her feet as she ordered. She turned to one of the bar regulars and received a high-five, and she smiled. "Jessica Miller is on fire with this whole remembering thing tonight, boys!"

"That blue shit is called an Electric Lemonade, Jess, and it makes my tongue look like a Smurf's tongue!" Winston called over from where he was tinkling absentmindedly on the piano keys. Jess hummed along to the tune he was playing as Julio prepared their drinks.

"Winnie, is that _Save The Best For Last_?" Aly shouted from the booth. "What did we discuss in the cab over here?"

"Fine, I won't play any songs that are sung by women called Vanessa. But, you're missing out on the best damn version of _A Thousand Miles_ you have ever heard!" He slurped up the blue dregs of his drink and continued fingering the keys.

Jess helped Julio bring the drinks over to the booth and sat in beside Nick. He accepted his old-fashioned and threw his arm drunkenly around her shoulders. "It's been far too long since we could just all get together like this without the kids," he slurred.

Cece leaned conspiratorily across the table and whispered, "Hey, Miller. You want to know what I think? I think that we should get chicken wings!" She suddenly threw back her head and shouted, "CHICKEN WINGS!"

Schmidt giggled hoarsely, his shirt buttoned crookedly from his not-so-secret encounter with Cece in the bathroom earlier. "Cecelia, my beautiful Amazonian wonder woman, you can have all the chicken wings you want. Daddy's buying!"

Jess wrinkled her nose and Aly's head hit the table with a soft thump as she collapsed in peals of laughter. "Schmidt, I'm gonna have to ask you to rein it in, buddy, that's a jar for sure! Hey, Aly, you're alive, right?"

She received a thumbs up in return and she felt Nick nuzzling her neck as he put his head on her shoulder.

The bar was quiet, just their group and a few of the regulars occupying the space. It was nights like this that Jess loved. It reminded her of old times, when they would all stumble back to the loft after a night out, with pizza and chicken wings, and they would spend the rest of their night arguing over who had the best dance moves (Winston) or who had the hairiest feet (definitely Nick). They were loud and boisterous, clearly feeling the effects of not having to be quiet for their kids' sake.

Winston suddenly burst into song at the piano, belting out every word to _Defying Gravity_ from _Wicked_. Schmidt leaned over and whispered to Cece, who burst into laughter and blushed furiously. "Oh my God, that was the coldest night of my life!! I can't believe we made it all the way from here to Mexico in the trunk of your car!" Aly brightened a bit at that and Cece launched into the story of how Winston had driven to Mexico to see his ex-girlfriend Shelby and that he had caught them fucking when he was pulled over by Border Patrol.

"Jessica, I'm gonna go drain the lizard," Nick wobbled as he stood, "but when I come back, we are gonna discuss what I'm wearing for Thanksgiving. I don't wanna put it out there too much, not with your mom trying to grab this sexy uptown butt." He stumbled across to the bathroom, clapping several of the men at the bar on the shoulder as he went.

Jess sipped her pink wine as she watched him depart. "Damn straight you have an uptown butt," she murmured. Schmidt slid across to sit beside her.

"He really does, doesn't he? And, he didn't even need to do too many calisthenics to get it perfect like that." He played with her hair and Jess swatted him away. Schmidt always got a little too familiar with everyone when he was drunk like this.

\--

Nick spent a few minutes struggling with his fly. He had replaced the button with a safety pin after it had broken off. He knew that he needed to buy new pants, but what was wrong with a not-so-fancy fix sometimes? He scratched at his stubble as he regarded his reflection in the men's room mirror. He needed to get a haircut, and maybe he should shave more often. He remembered the night that he had first kissed Jess, when she had told him that he would be smoking hot if he just did some basic grooming every now and then. He smiled at himself and high-fived his mirror counterpart. "You're a lucky son of a bitch, Miller. You changed your entire life for the better that night! You just didn't know it, yet."

He wandered back out to the bar. Winston had just launched into a jazzy piano version of _Cotton Eyed Joe_ and Nick nodded his head in appreciation. _How is that guy so crazy talented at everything_ , he thought. Smoothing out the wrinkles on his shirt, he glanced across at the booth. Jess and Schmidt were pressed up close together, giggling about something that involved some particularly rude hand gestures on Schmidt's part, and Cece and Aly were deep in conversation while looking at Aly's phone. _Probably some selfies with Nafta or the kids goofing around_.

Nick approached the bar to order another round and pulled up short. Sitting at the bar, and nursing a full glass of scotch, was Van Bishop. Throwing caution to the wind, he took the stool next to him. "Mr. Bishop, welcome back!" he greeted him.

Van looked up and smiled. "You're looking a lot brighter today, kid, than when I last saw you. Did you make it up to your girl?"

Nick smiled back and replied, "Kind of. There's been a thaw, a significant thaw, but I still have some making up to do." He turned around to look at Jess, and his heart pounded in his chest. She was now beside Cece and Aly, and they were clearly taunting Schmidt, who was trying to argue back.

"She the tall Asian drink of water?" Van took a sip of his drink, eyeing Cece in a predatory fashion.

"No, she's married to Schmidt. Mine's the pretty one in the green dress, with the glasses." Nick turned back to Van and asked, "So, what brings you back?"

Van regarded him quietly for a moment before replying. "I like the feel of this place. It's not one of those trendy places that are so popular these days. I wouldn't mind being a regular here."

Nick chose his next words carefully. "Can I ask you something? You said the other day that you were looking for your son, right? And that you walked away from him and his mom a long time ago. So, why try to connect with him now? After all this time?"

Van placed his glass on the bar and turned slightly towards him. "To be honest, it just feels like the right time. I needed time to come to terms with the fact that my son wanted to get to know me, after everything that I've done. I blew it big time, you know?"

Nick sighed gently and said, "Sometimes, you don't get a second chance to fix the mistakes you made in the past. But, and trust me on this, sometimes you do get a second chance, and it changes your whole damn life." He stood up. "I'll be right back." He glanced across at Schmidt, who was now staring at him from across the room, and he walked over to the piano.

\--

Winston had just finished his song and was just finishing another blue cocktail when Nick appeared at his elbow.

"Winston, can you join me in the booth for a second?" Nick put his arm around his shoulder and led him over to Aly's waiting arms. "Winnie, your dad is sitting at the bar right now. He's the gent in the brown jacket with the scotch."

Winston looked up at Nick in alarm before glancing at the bar. "Does he know I'm here?"

Nick shook his head, throwing his arm around Jess and rubbing her arm gently. "I was just talking to him, he just said that he liked the feel of the place. He still has no idea that you're sitting feet from him."

Winston turned to Aly, who wrapped her arms around him. "Whatever you decide to do, baby, I'm here." He hugged her tightly to him.

"This may be the Electric Lemonade talking, but I'm gonna..." Winston stood up before he could talk himself out of it, and approached the bar.

Julio nodded at Winston as he approached. "Another Electric Lemonade?"

Winston shook his head and took the unoccupied stool beside his father. "Hi, there," he said, hands shaking in his lap. He swallowed before continuing. "I'm Detective Winston Bishop." He held out his hand. "And, I do believe that you're my father."

Van turned around in alarm and stared at Winston for a moment. He swallowed nervously. "I do believe that I am, yes." He nervously took his son's hand and shook it firmly. He eyed his son's shirt, warily.

"I like shirts with birds on them. And, I'm colorblind, so please do not mock my fashion sense." Winston let go of his hand and gestured around the bar. "I own this place with my best friends. I believe you've already met them." He nodded towards the booth. "That's my wife over there, Lieutenant Aly Bishop."

Van nodded his head at Aly and she gave him a small smile and a wave back. Winston continued on, voice wavering slightly.

"I have three sons and two daughters under the age of six, and we have a cat. Alisha has a daughter, too. She still lives in Chicago, near mom's place." He shook himself and stood up. "I'm far too drunk for anything deep and meanngful tonight, but here is my number." He pulled a business card out of his wallet. "I will meet you here and we can talk, just gimme a call." He patted his father's shoulder awkwardly, before strolling back towards the booth. He grabbed his and Aly's things and walked towards the door to the street, not looking back. He heard Nick calling out to Julio, who agreed to lock up. Once Winston had made it outside, he sagged against the building and drew in deep lungfuls of air.

He looked back up to see Aly holding out his jacket and the rest of the gang crowded around. "You guys wanna go somewhere else for a little while?"

\--

Nick held Jess's hand tightly as they approached the beach. It was dark and they were beyond drunk, but Winston needed this moment of calm after having talked to his father face to face for the first time in more than forty years. Nick swelled with pride for him. He had bitten the bullet, bolstered by the alcohol, and he had agreed to meet him again, if Van called. Nick knew what he was doing. He was testing to see if Van was serious, and if he didn't call him back, then Winston could say that he had tried.

The ocean stretched out as far as they could see, a wide expanse of freezing water. The tide was coming in, and a gentle breeze blew salt spray onto their faces. Winston and Aly were sitting huddled together on the sand, talking things out. Cece and Schmidt were making out, fumbling tipsily with their jackets.

Nick turned and pulled Jess to him. He held her firmly against his chest, inhaling the scent of her hair, and sighed happily. He thought back to the night they had spent on the beach together, when he was hopped up on booze and pain pills, worrying that he might be dying of cancer. Jess had convinced him that he needed to start doing things with his life and not hide from the world. The memories were still hazy, and he was never quite sure what parts of the night had actually happened, and what parts his mind just wish had happened. Jess had told him that nothing had happened, but he knew that she was lying to save face. It was only after they had gotten together that she had admitted that he had told her that he liked having her around, and that they had lain down together on the beach to sleep. Nick woke up what must have been a few hours later to find her asleep spooned against him, his hand on her waist, his cock straining against his jeans. He had taken a moment to realize how close they were, how he could have reached out to touch her silky skin under her clothes, make her moan and tremble like in his dreams. To make those sounds fall from her lips himself, sounds he had heard her make from across the hall. Instead, he had brushed her hair from her forehead, kissed her lightly, and rolled into a sitting position to watch the sun rise.

"Hey, are you okay, Nicholas?" Jess stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss onto his cheek.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just thinking about Winston, you know?"

Jess nodded and turned to find Cece and Schmidt stripping off and running towards the ocean. She giggled as she heard Schmidt swear at how cold the water was. Winston stood up, dragging Aly with him, as they ran to the water's edge, stripping off as they went to join them.

"How about it, Miller?" Jess started undoing the buttons of his shirt.

"I dunno, Jess. We should be getting back. God knows what that college student we hired as a babysitter is doing to our liquor cabinet." Nick stilled her hands and kissed her lightly.

Jess reached behind her and undid the bow at the back of her dress. She pulled it off over her head, revealing a blue striped bra and matching panties. His jaw went slack. She undid his pants, swearing softly at his safety pin handiwork and pulled his pants down to his ankles. "Nick...let's not think about it. Be brave!" He could hear the splashing and whooping of his friends in the ocean, having fun.

He slipped off his shirt, and untied his shoes, pulling off his socks and pants. Jess held out her hand and said, "We doing this, Nick Miller? Together?"

Nick tugged his boxers down to his ankles, grabbed her hand and said, "We're doing this, Jessica Miller. Together." They ran at full speed towards the freezing water, laughing joyously.

Just as they reached the water's edge, Schmidt gave a roar of triumph and screamed, "It's been almost twenty years, but I've finally seen my best friend's penis!" He fist pumped, splashing Cece in the process. "And, Jessica Damn Day, you're a very lucky woman!"


	19. Calling Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written between seeing patients on a 24-hour on-call shift at the hospital. I apologize in advance for any spelling errors or grammatical mistakes that I was too tired to register at the time of posting!

“Nick, have you seen my…”

Jess collided with Nick in the doorway of his office. She stumbled and fell backwards, landing on the carpet with a soft thud. Nick overbalanced and a shower of pages fell from his hands to land on Jess’s lap and at his feet.

“Oh, God, Jess, I’m so sorry, are you alright?” Nick put his toolbox down on the floor beside her and put his hands on her shoulders, checking her over quickly.

“I’m fine, Nick, stop fussing!” She collected the pages from her lap and started arranging them into a tidy pile. Nick gathered up whatever was on the floor and flicked through them, sorting them in order.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be home so early, are you feeling alright?” Nick quickly took the pages from Jess’s hands before she had a chance to look at them too closely. _Oh God, I really have to stop leaving this stuff out_ , he thought in a panic.

“Yeah, the school is being painted over Thanksgiving break, so we let out early today.” Nick helped Jess to her feet and dusted her off. She giggled softly. “Anyway, I was coming to ask you if you’d seen my red flats? I was going to pack now, so that we can go straight to Winston’s to see Coach and May when the boys come home, and then we can be organised for our flight in the morning.”

Nick chuckled softly. “Your red flats are probably still at Jaipur Aviv, didn’t Ruthie wear them a couple weeks ago for Halloween as part of her Dorothy costume?”

Jess smacked her head with the palm of her hand. “Oh, of course!” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Schmidt, asking him if he could bring them with him tonight. Nick picked his toolbox back up, juggling it and the pages again.

“I was just heading over to Sadie’s to fix her air conditioning.” He gestured to his cargo pants and old shirt. “I promise I’m not going full Outside Dave just yet.” He pecked her quickly on the lips.

“Should I ask why you’re bringing all of these notes with you?” Jess regarded him thoughtfully. “Is that Pepperwood or are you working on something else?”

Nick stammered a bit as he replied. “I’m gonna ask Jake to look it over for me, he’s the right age. It’s mostly Pepperwood, I’m editing the aftermath of The Shed Scene. Merle keeps asking me to make it more realistic.” Nick sighed. “And, there’s also something else I’m working on. You can read it when it’s ready.” He started to walk towards the stairs. “Are you sure you’re okay with me going to Sadie’s, what with everything?”

Jess rubbed his shoulder. “Yes, Nick. Sadie appreciates your fixing skills. And, everything is out in the open now. So, go! The sooner you’re back, the sooner we can stuff our faces with Winston’s famous barbecue.”

\--

“Sadie, I hate to say this, but I think this is going to need a fancy fix!” Nick crouched down and dug around in his toolbox, looking for a screwdriver.

“Well, isn’t there, like, anything temporary you can do?” Sadie asked, elbow deep in sudsy water as she did the dishes.

“I can try a quick fix, but I’ll have to take a break and think about it.” He reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water.

“You want a beer or something instead?” Sadie offered, pulling the dish towel from over her shoulder.

“Nah, I’m driving over to Winston’s after this. Coach, May and the girls are in town for Thanksgiving, and we’re all gonna have a pre-Thanksgiving dinner together tonight before us Schmidts and Millers head to Portland.” Nick gulped back the water and sat at the kitchen counter. “You and Jake have plans?”

Sadie finished putting the dishes away in the cupboards and sat opposite him. “Well, Jake is spending Thanksgiving with Melissa and her family, but that means that I have him for Christmas, so that’s something.” She pushed her blonde hair out of her eyes. “And, I’m spending Thanksgiving with Reagan and her parents in Florida, we’re flying tomorrow.”

“Oh, meeting the parents, eh?” Nick raised his eyebrows. “You guys getting serious?”

Sadie flushed, which Nick had never seen her do before. Sadie was always so kick-ass and strong that seeing her looking so vulnerable made Nick reach out and pat her awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess we are. I think I might actually love her, Nick. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way about anybody. And, Jake really likes her, too. She took him to the bookstore, they should be back soon.” Sadie smiled. “Can I ask you something? What made you choose Reagan as a partner, Nick?”

Nick shifted in his seat, wiping the condensation off of his bottle. “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, Sadie, I became infatuated with the idea of Reagan, more than Reagan the person. I found it very hard to move on after Jess. I thought that Jess had completely moved on, that the door was closed for good. And, you know me, I’m hardly Mr. Confident. So, the idea that a woman as beautiful and as intelligent as Reagan could be interested in me, that was mind-boggling.” He tapped his fingers rhythmically on the counter. “So, when Jess pushed for us to be together, I jumped at the opportunity. I cared for her a lot, but we didn’t really get to know each other. She was always off traveling for work and we didn’t spend very much time together. It felt like I was just going through the motions, and I knew that I was settling.” Nick sighed. “You know, I never meant to hurt her. I just couldn’t keep lying to myself. It wasn’t fair to her or to me.”

Sadie nodded, sagely. “I get what you mean. I’ve had a few relationships like that myself. Once you know that something isn't working, it's best to call it quits, even if it hurts." Nick sat back in his seat and eyed her carefully. "Melissa and I loved each other, but we just didn't work together, ultimately. And, now I'm finally finding my feet. I just needed to open myself up to love again."

They were interrupted by the sound of Jacob and Reagan chattering as they walked in the front door. "Hi Nick! We were just talking about Pepperwood!" Jacob held his hand out for a fist-bump as he passed. He was holding a paper bag full of books.

"Hey kid! Is that the new Agent Isosceles? I've been meaning to get my hands on that!" Nick ruffled his hair playfully. "Speaking of Pepperwood, you wanna take a look at some pages for me? I'm having trouble nailing down Jessica's voice."

"Alright, cool." Nick handed over the wad of pages and Jake skipped off towards his bedroom. "Hey, Reagan," he greeted, with a small wave in her direction. "I'm fixing Sadie's air conditioning."

"Really? Sadie, are you sure that's wise?" Reagan looked at Nick doubtfully. "I witnessed this so called 'fancy fixing' before, and you almost got eaten by a rat!"

Nick looked offended and rooted around in his toolbox. "I'm going to ignore that, seeing as how I did get the damn air conditioning working that time!" He pulled out a screwdriver and a roll of duct tape and got back to work.

Jacob wandered back in after a while and sat at the kitchen table. "Nick, I think this chapter needs work. It doesn't really feel like Jessica Knight. It's too Pepperwoody."

Nick sighed, pressing his thumb and forefinger to the side of his nose. "Yeah, I've been getting that a lot, lately. Any suggestions?"

"Which scene are you working on?" Sadie inquired.

"It's the chapter after Knight saves Pepperwood from Schmith in the shed," Jacob piped up.

"Oh, the one where they have really intense sex and then he pushes her away for stupid guy reasons?" Sadie grinned, while Jacob cringed.

"Mom! Please don't talk about sex!" He turned to Nick. "So, we want to know how Jessica feels after he tells her that it shouldn't have happened. He doesn't tell her why he pushed her away, but she must have some theories."

Nick thought about that. "Well, I guess she must...you're a smart kid, Jake!"

Reagan looked thoughtful for a moment before she asked, "So, why does Pepperwood reject her?"

Nick looked over at her in surprise. "Because he doesn't want to ruin what they have. He needs Jessica to be in his life, but he knows that if they get involved romantically, it'll just put her life in danger. And, if it ends badly, then he'll lose her as a friend, too. This is the point where Pepperwood blows it and he doesn't feel like he's going to get a second chance." Nick reached for the switch on the air-con and it whirred to life. "Problem solved!"

"Oh, you're my hero right now!" Sadie helped him gather up his tools.

"Okay, so I've never read the book, but from what Jacob has told me, Jess and Pepperwood stay friends. So, she must have realized after that he was right. But, she's still going to be hurt and their friendship won't be the same afterwards." Reagan reached out and tossed him his roll of tape. "Maybe it would help to think of a time when you felt rejected. Write what you know."

Nick said his goodbyes and walked to his car. He placed his toolbox in the backseat and drove home to change. As he drove, he thought over Reagan's words.

\--

Nick sat on the bench in the park, his head in his hands. He inhaled sharply and fought back the urge to sneeze. _Stupid sticky raisins, I'll teach them to make Nick Miller sick. I'll kick their delicious ass!_ He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up into Tran's smiling face.

"Hey, Tran." Nick attempted a small smile, but his heart just wasn't in it. "So, Jess just got back together with Dr. Sam. I'm not doing okay with that news."

Tran's smile turned to one of sympathy as he reached out and clapped Nick on the shoulder. "I know, I should be happy for her, she's a wonderful person who deserves to be happy, and if I can't do that for her, then someone else has to. Because, she's too amazing to be alone."

He reached into his pocket and brought out the coin. He flipped it between his fingers. "You know, I'm the reason she and Sam broke up in the first place? I kissed her, in the hallway between our bedrooms, while Sam was in hers asleep. And, she wanted me to kiss her, I could just tell. We shared a moment behind The Iron Curtain. She felt it, too." He sighed. "And, then she and I had a wonderful relationship. We had a lot of great times together. And, I tried to remind her of all of those good times just last week, and she didn't even want to think about them. She'd rather just focus on the negatives."

Tran smiled, encouraging him to say more. "No, but I wanted to kick his ass so badly. What the hell does she see in him? Is it because he's so tall? He's definitely over six feet. Is it because he saves children's lives on a daily basis? Or, is it just the fact that he's got his shit together?" Nick bowed his head again. "I've been trying so hard, Tran. I'm part owner of the bar, I've been using my checking account, hell, I've even started writing again. But, she doesn't notice. Or, maybe she doesn't care?"

Tran squeezed his shoulder again. "No, you're right, of course she cares. She said she was proud of me. And she's my friend, most of the time. And, I know that she still thinks of me. I mean, she took the mug out of the trash." Nick grinned. "No, that's not a euphemism, you dirty dog! Although, I did hear her say my name as she was self-completing a couple weeks ago..."

Tran huffed out an amused laugh. "She sounds amazing when she does that. Never fails to do it for me. Even if it's not me making her feel like that." Nick frowned. "I think I may have a problem."

Nick shrugged. "Anyway, she's back with Dr. Sam the Perfect, and I'm really upset by that! She could give that clown a second chance, even though he never really cared for her in the first place, but she won't even consider giving me a second chance?" Nick felt the tears well in his eyes. "What she and I had was real, Tran. Not just lust and a too-laid-back attitude. But, the worst part is, Jess going back to Sam kind of feels like she's cancelling out our relationship. I was gonna ask her to marry me, Tran. We were gonna have a family. I loved her, so much. But, I needed to be the guy that she needed. And, I couldn't be that guy, then. But, who's to say that I can't be that guy now?"

Tran handed him a handkerchief, and Nick swiped at his eyes with it. "Does she regret being with me, Tran? Because, I think she feels that she and Sam wouldn't have broken up if I hadn't interfered. Maybe I should just stop trying...maybe I should just try to move on."

He handed the hankie back to Tran. "Yeah, I know, buddy. I have no idea how I'm gonna do that, either. Although, Schmidt and Cece's wedding is coming up. Maybe I could find myself a plus one!"

\--

Nick arrived back at the house, greeted Jess and the boys, and smiled as Jess bustled about their room, carefully folding his shirts and pants into their suitcase. "Jess, you know we're only going for a few days, right?"

She just rolled her eyes. "How were Sadie and Jacob? Did you get the air-conditioning working?"

"I did! Despite Reagan's attempts to undermine my confidence. And, Jacob was super helpful about my book. I just have to write what I know." Nick smiled. "Sadie is meeting Reagan's parents this weekend."

Jess carefully pulled out a pretty red dress from the closet and Nick's smile widened perceptibly. "Is that what you're wearing tomorrow? Because, I just don't know if I'm gonna be safe around you if you wear that."

Jess smacked him lightly on the stomach. "I have to draw my mom's gaze away from your butt!" She placed the dress on top of the case and stood up. "I'm really excited for Sadie. That's a huge step!"

Nick wrapped his arms around her, placing his chin on her shoulder. "Yeah, they're both goofy in love, it's really great to see. I'm happy for them. And for Jake too." He pulled her closer. "So, are we gonna keep up Portland Thanksgiving tradition this year?" He placed a few kisses along her neck up towards her ear. She moaned faintly.

"Miller, you are always my guy that shows up. And, I know you just want to rub that in Jordan Catalano's face. Don't worry, we can totally do it quietly, we have this down to an art form." She span in his arms, running her hands through his hair. She kissed him deeply, and he ran his hands down to cup her ass in his hands, drawing her closer to him. Jess's phone ringing on the dresser behind them broke them out of their reverie. "Uh-oh, that's Schmidt. We better get to the Bishops' before he blows a gasket. To be continued?" She threw him a coy smile, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

"Definitely to be continued, Mrs. Miller."

Nick smiled as he changed. He may have felt rejected back then, but less than a year later, Nick Miller won. He had won back his girl, and he had beaten that smug prick of a doctor again, too. He just didn't realize at the time that he always had her, and he always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review!


	20. What They Say

“One, two, three, four! JFK!” Schmidt shouted, holding the soda can over his head.

“FDR!” everyone chorused back to him. There was a scramble to grab a drink and get off the floor, with Coach grabbing Reggie and Moses under each arm and vaulting onto the coffee table.

“Ernie, please be careful,” May shouted across the commotion, balancing precariously on an ottoman by the back door.

“I’m always careful, isn’t that right, boys?!” He proceeded to flex his biceps, causing Reggie to giggle.

“Coach, a fair word of warning, if you make my child vomit, I will leap-frog my way over there and do my Bill Cosby impression right in your ear!” Nick threatened from the kitchen island, taking a sip of root beer.

Jess was sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table, back to back with Aly, Cece standing on a chair in front of her. “Oh, please, Nicholas, if you want to scare him, you should do your Eddie Murphy impression!”

“My Eddie Murphy is pitch-perfect, Jessica!”

Cece giggled and reached over to take a handful of chips from the bowl on the kitchen island. Ruth steadily moved the bowl further away from her mother, causing her to keep reaching. “Ruth Schmidt, don’t make me jump up there. I can make sure that you never make it to Portland tomorrow. Winston, you’re okay to take a bratty eight year old for Thanksgiving, right?”

“Only if she can help me make sure that Coach doesn’t eat all the damn pie!” Winston said from the couch, slapping Schmidt upside the head when he tried to push him over. “And hell no, Nick, your Eddie Murphy is legitimately the worst thing to ever come out of the loft! Well, it’s a tie between that and your first draft of _Z Is For Zombie_.”

“I dunno,” Schmidt slapped Winston back, “I think Nick’s tattoo is the worst thing to come out of the loft.”

“Hey, that was my wedding present to you guys! And, a lot of it is gone now, anyway. Stupid Italians, they don’t know how to drive properly! I’ll never get that piece of my shin back!” Nick picked up an apple and hurled it at Schmidt, causing him to wobble slightly.

“Hey, no projectiles, Nicholas, this is not True American: WMD Edition!”

“HEY!” Coach bellowed in his best teacher voice. “Are we playing or are we arguing?” He placed the kids down beside him and shouted, “Besides, the worst thing to come out of the loft was that terrible yellow sweatsuit that Nick’s dad gave him.”

“I looked cute as a mute in that damn suit, Coach, and you know it!”

“Miller, seriously, that cannot be a thing that people actually say.” Jess stood up and stepped lightly onto the island beside him. She kissed him lightly on the cheek, before reaching over and grabbing a soda from the pile. “And, no, you looked like an extra from a flashback episode of _The Sopranos_.”

The house descended into chaos as they played their way through True American. The kids got bored halfway through and went to play in DanBill’s room. At around eight thirty, May was declared the winner, and she triumphantly took a shot from the bottle of cranberry juice that they had declared king before they started. They all settled in the living room, swapping stories and catching up.

“Winston, I gotta say, that dinner today was amazing, you should be proud of yourself, man.” Coach sipped a beer and stretched out. “Can’t wait to see what the actual big meal is gonna be like.”

Winston held his hands out in front of him. “Tomorrow is all Aly, I assure you. And, her sister is going to not touch anything, because that girl is still a walking disaster!”

Schmidt sat on the floor in front of the couch and put his head in Cece’s lap. “We hate to cut this short, but we do have an early flight to catch. We should probably head off. Nick, Jess, you guys coming?”

Jess was curled up on Nick’s lap in the armchair. “Yeah, I suppose we better get going, or there’ll be no getting Mitch out of bed in the morning.”

“Like father, like son,” Cece muttered. Nick stuck his tongue out at her over Jess’s head and she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, could all Schmidts and Millers please come put shoes and sweaters on? This is not a drill. We are flying in less than ten hours!” Schmidt stormed up the stairs, muttering under his breath.

There was a loud ringing sound and Winston pulled his phone out of his pocket. “This is Winston!” He paused and then sat up rigidly in his seat. “Van, hey, thanks for calling.”

Aly reached over and took his hand in hers. “Sure, but it’ll have to wait til after Thanksgiving, we have Aly’s family visiting for the holidays, and some friends of ours, too...Yeah, alright, next Friday night. I’ll be there, so long as I don’t catch a shift. Hey, thanks for calling. It means a lot.” He hung up and a smile spread across his face. “My dad wants to see me.”

“Oh, babe, that’s such great news! How do you feel?” Cece pulled him in for a hug.

“I feel good. He passed the first test, anyway. I’m not gonna get my hopes up too much, but this is positive.” He stood up and started doing his mojo dance. Coach enthusiastically joined in.

Schmidt appeared at the foot of the stairs, four children in tow. “What is happening in here? Are we just letting Winston dance now? What’s next? Are Nick and Jess going to merengue? Do the cha cha?”

"Sweetie, you're going full Manilow, dial it back," Cece laughed, getting to her feet and guiding the kids to the front door.

“Shut up, Schmidt! Winston’s dad called him back. Let him dance.” Nick lifted Jess out of his lap and placed her on her feet. “Let’s get out of here before we really do get sucked into sober dancing, though.”

\--

“There are my grandbabies!” Joan held her arms outstretched, waiting for Reggie and Mitch to come running.

Nick grimaced. It was far too early in the morning for Joan Day’s brand of enthusiasm. “She’s you, but like, on speed or something,” he muttered to Jess, who lightly smacked him in reply.

“Just smile. It’s only for a couple of days. And, I promise to keep Abby as far away from you as possible.” Jess grabbed his hand and led him into the hallway of her childhood home and towards her mother.

Joan greeted them with a warm hug. “Oh, it’s so good to see you, baby!” Pulling back, she eyed Jess up and down. “You’re looking well."

Jess released her and smiled. "You do, too. Are those new glasses?"

Nick shifted the suitcase from one hand to the other and looked behind them to see Schmidt struggling under the weight of his own family’s luggage and a very carsick Moses. Cece and Ruth were excitedly chatting with Cece’s mom, who had greeted them with a far less boisterous tone.

“Dad, I’m starving. Can we go get breakfast now?” Reggie tugged at his shirt and whined.

“Wait, you kids haven’t eaten yet?” Joan huffed, glaring at Nick.

“Hey, don’t look at me. It was Schmidt who refused to let us stop. Probably for the best in hindsight, because LAX was hell on earth.” He put his arm around Reggie and guided him towards the kitchen. "Joanie, do you have any actual edible breakfast stuff? All I see is hippie dippie Portland crap!"

Joan bustled into the kitchen, reaching into the fridge and pulling out the eggs. "I'll take care of breakfast, you go bring your stuff upstairs. You guys are in Jess's room, the kids are in Abby's room, and Abby's in..."

She was interrupted by a door banging behind them. "Abby's staying with her boyfriend, so that she doesn't have to hear her baby sister and her hot husband doing it through the wall." Abby grinned and sauntered up to Nick. "Looking good, Miller. You've been looking after yourself."

Nick shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, thanks Abby. I'm just gonna go help Jess unpack..." He backed away towards the stairs, pulling the suitcase behind him.

"You be good, we all know what happened the last time you spent Thanksgiving here..." Abby called, pointing at Mitch.

"You can't prove anything, Abby!" Jess said, giving her sister a squeeze. "You look healthy for a change. Could there be wedding bells on the horizon?"

Abby grimaced and said, "God, can't a girl look after herself every now and then?" Her eyes were smiling, though. Nick was happy for her. "Okay, I'm gonna go say hi to Schmidt and Cece. Wanna take bets on how quickly I can make things awkward?"

\--

Once they ate, got settled in and unpacked, Schmidt and Jess went to help Joan and Priyanka prepare dinner. Cece got the kids set up on the floor with paper and crayons, making handprint turkeys. Nick pulled out his notes and settled onto the living room sofa, flipping the TV to the parade. He smiled as Charlie Brown's head bobbed past the camera. He could hear Jess singing that stupid turkey song her and Genzlinger had sung their first Thanksgiving together in the loft and he couldn't help but laugh. He focused on the memories of that day as he wrote, pouring his feelings out onto the page. It had been easier to get his thoughts in order lately, and he was almost ready to put the entire letter together. He was aiming to give it to Jess at Christmas when they would be in Chicago.

He could hear Abby talking excitedly outside, and he swiveled around in time to see her leading Bob into the living room. Since the kids were born, it had been easier to get Bob and Joan to sit together as a family, and they were now at a stage where they could enjoy dinner together a couple of times a year for Jess's sake. "Bob, how are you?" Nick got to his feet and extended his hand to shake Bob's.

"I'm good, Nick, though not as quick on the tootsies as I used to be!" Bob squeezed his hand a smidge too hard and Nick winced slightly. "Hi, boys! Hi Ruthie! Hi Cece!" Bob pulled Cece in for a bear hug, which she responded to enthusiastically.

"Can I get you a beer, Bob?" Nick asked, closing his notebook and placing it on the arm of the sofa.

"Sure, that'd be great!" Bob plopped down into the armchair and Mitch immediately ambled over and climbed into his lap. "Hey kid, did I ever tell you the story of how I met your grandma?"

Abby had wandered out again while they were talking and Nick checked the hallway twice before stepping out towards the kitchen. Getting cornered by Abby was always a bad idea, she was just too handsy for his liking. Jess was very touchy-feely, but Abby was downright scary.

As he entered the kitchen, he could hear Schmidt regaling Priyanka with his story about how he and Cece had been called to Ruth's school to explain the "Reggie-The-Dog-Is-My-Dad's-Brother" story the previous week. "Honestly, it was really an eye opener. I ended up defending that dog, and I improvised the hell out of a speech about how appalled I was that Ruth was being singled out for having a family that was different to other kids. Honestly, she has three grandmas and a womanizing, winery owning grandpa who made out with my best friend's wife, is a dog for an uncle really that odd in comparison?"

Nick shook his head and walked to the fridge. "Your dad's here, J-Day. I was gonna go sit with him and watch the game, but if you need any help..."

Jess looked up from where she was basting the turkey and smiled. "No, you go ahead, Nick-Nack. We have everything pretty much covered." She pecked him lightly on the lips and Joan patted him on the butt as he walked back out to the living room. Nick shook his head and groaned internally. _Power through, Miller!_

He handed the beer to Bob and switched on the football. Ruth climbed onto the sofa beside him and chattered about a variety of topics with Bob. Nick had failed to notice that his notebook wasn't where he had left it until he thought about Jess kissing Gavin and he had to get his thoughts out. _Damn Schmidt for making me think about that at another Thanksgiving!_ He looked around him in a panic and could feel himself start to sweat.

"Nick, you wanna come sit outside with me for a moment?" Bob stood up, beer in hand. Nick was horrified when he saw Bob holding his notebook.

He stood up and Bob led the way out to the front porch. It was drizzling on and off, and Nick hugged his arms around himself as the breeze picked up slightly.

"So, I was reading some of the stuff you wrote in here," Bob began. He sipped his beer and handed the notebook back to Nick. "Is this for a new book you're working on? Cause some of it is very personal."

Nick flushed slightly and stammered, "A-actually, it's for Jess. It's a letter I'm writing for her, as a surprise. It's just a collection of my thoughts and feelings from the entire thirteen years that I've known her." He swallowed thickly. "Bob, do you always pick up notebooks and read from them randomly? Cause that stuff is private!"

Bob shot him a surprised glance. "Nick, the stuff you're writing in there is incredibe. It reminds me of when you asked me for my blessing before you proposed to her. You have a way with words. But, the question is, do you mean them?"

Nick's eyebrows shot up. "Do I mean them? Of course I do. Jess is the love of my life, Bob. She's everything to me."

Bob sighed. "I know that. And she loves you, more than she's ever loved anybody." He patted Nick on the shoulder. "This is a sweet gesture, but do you actually believe all the things you're writing in there? Or, are you just saying them cause you know that's what Jess wants to hear?"

Nick leaned back against the porch rail and ran a hand through his hair. "I have a hard time with trusting people, Bob, even Jess. I unconsciously sabotage myself if I feel that things are going too well. I did it a few months ago. I kept something from her and she found out and she was mad at me for weeks. She still hasn't totally forgiven me. But, I'm making an effort to be more open about some of the demons in my head. Because, realistically, Jess has never given me any reason not to believe her when she says that she loves me, or that she's not going to just walk away like my dad did. And, I need to start believing that with my whole heart, because her faith in me and my abilities and her love for me should be enough."

Bob finished his beer and led Nick back into the house. "Jess wants nothing more than for you to be happy, Nick. But, you have to let her in. All she wants is for you to trust her enough to let her in even when it's not all sunshine and smiles. You know you don't have to pretend with her, because she already knows. She just needs to hear you voice it."

\--

"Well, can I just say that I'm very thankful for this wonderful meal and that we all got to spend the day together," Joan slurred, knocking back another glass of wine. Abby moved the bottle a bit further down the table out of her reach.

"Mom, it was really great! Thanks so much for having us all over." Jess cut another piece of pie and placed it on Nick's plate without even looking at him. He smiled broadly. He always thought that she could be a mind reader, especially when it came to food.

"Yes, it was really fantastic, Joanie, thanks so much for having us over for dinner, even though we're not technically family," Cece said, brushing crumbs off of her dress.

"Cece, you and your family are welcome here any time. Even you, Priyanka. We are all family here." Bob smiled warmly and brushed Joan's hand with his own. "So, who's up for some games?"

"Actually, Dad, Nick and I were gonna go take a walk, would you mind looking after the boys for an hour or so?" Jess reached out and placed her hand in his beneath the table. He squeezed gently and scooped up the last of his pie.

"Sure, you guys go ahead. Take your time!" Bob grinned at Nick and ushered the kids into the living room.

Nick put his arm around her waist as they walked away from the house. The rain had stopped, and the wind had died down. It was a clear November evening, and the street lamps were starting to come on. Jess greeted neighbors as they passed and waved at people in passing cars.

"This year we did good. Mom letting Dad stay on the couch tonight? That's a huge deal." Jess smiled and hugged him close.

"I know. Also, way to go on that pie! It was so moist, I'm pretty sure Schmidt almost jizzed at the table." Nick wrinkled his nose. "Actually, I regret saying that..."

Jess snorted and pushed him lightly. "Ew, that's so gross. Why, Miller? Why would you do that?"

They giggled and splashed in puddles the whole way to Crush Pond. They settled down on a bench and Nick pulled her into his lap, holding her against his chest. He placed his chin on her shoulder. They watched some ducks fighting over a piece of garbage. "Hmmm, I love it here. Happy Thanksgiving, Jess."

Jess ran her hands up and down his forearms, and sighed happily. "Happy Thanksgiving, Nick. So, you ready for our Portland Thanksgiving tradition?"

They walked to the edge of the pond. Jess picked up a rock and Nick pulled a Sharpie out of his pocket. Jess wrote **Jess + Nick Miller-Thanksgiving No. 13** onto the rock's surface. Nick reached out and plucked the marker from her hand and added **A Groovy Kind Of Love** on the other side. Jess smiled and said, "Ready?"

Nick reached across and took her hand, the rock between their palms. "Ready! Make a wish!" They both closed their eyes and wished. They started to swing their arms back and forth. "Three, two, one..." They launched the rock out over the pond and watched as it hit the surface, before sinking.

"I love you, Miller." Jess pulled him to her and kissed him deeply.

"I love you, Miller." Nick replied, placing a hand in her hair. "Hey, remember the last time we came to Portland for Thanksgiving and we made Mitch on that bench?"

Jess laughed, and put her head on Nick's chest. "Please, Nicholas, we have no proof of that!"

"I beg to differ, Jessica. We came to the likely conclusion that Reggie was conceived in the loft the night before our wedding, when we had weird wild sex that made the good lord proud, and that Mitch was conceived right there on that bench after we made our wish." Nick placed his hands on her hips, pulling her closer. "How about we make that part of the tradition? We could totally work in the sex bench thing every time."

Jess giggled and ran her hands down his chest. "Only if you promise to be on the bottom. That bench is very wet."


	21. Countdown

"Hey, Nick, wait up!"

Nick hung back in the hallway and bent down to tie his shoelace. Winston caught up with him, panting slightly, his backpack bumping into several other kids as he fell into step beside him. "Hey, Winston. Where did you go?"

Winston shrugged. "I got a nosebleed, so I had to see the nurse." He scratched at the back of his head. "I kinda ran into Brendan's elbow after you went to the bathroom at lunch..."

Nick stopped. "Winnie, why didn't you say something? I could have kicked Brendan's ass for you!" He seethed for a moment, then caught sight of Winston's wide eyes.

"Cause I can't have you getting in trouble because of me anymore, Nick. Your mom got so angry last time." Winston pulled on his wool hat and mittens as they neared the front door of the school. Nick pulled his jacket tighter around him. He had lost his hat the week before, and he shivered slightly as they walked towards the street.

"Hey, you wanna come to my place? Mom got us Ghostbusters on VHS!" Winston shoved Nick slightly, causing him to slide on the slushy sidewalk.

Nick grinned and shoved him back. "You know I'd love to, but I gotta get home. You know that it's almost Christmas, and Ma is working extra shifts. I have to watch Jamie." Nick shoved his hands in his pockets. "Maybe another time."

Winston's face fell slightly and Nick sighed. "You can always come back to mine for a little while. Won't be much room, but having you there will make it a bit warmer, I suppose." Nick lowered his eyes to the ground. He felt the sting of tears and swiped at his face furiously.

"Sure, man, let's do that!" Winston chattered on about inane things as they walked. Nick was grateful for the company. He knew that Winston was trying to distract him, and it was working. As they neared the grocery store parking lot, he could hear his Ma chattering away to Jamie through the open door of the van.

"Nicky! How was school? Oh, hi Winnie!" Bonnie threw her arms around her son and his best friend as they climbed into the back of the van. "I was just heading out to work. There's a couple of cheeseburgers in the bag over there and Lonny said that you guys can use the bathroom inside. I'll be back in a few hours. Be good!"

She tottered off towards the grocery store, pulling on her work vest. Nick sighed as he shut the door, trying to keep the cold out. "Hey, you wanna play checkers?" He pulled out the box from under the back seat and set up the counters. WInston nodded eagerly and Jamie sat up to watch them.

After they had played a few rounds, Winston asked, "So, you have any idea when your dad is gonna be back?"

Nick scowled and shrugged. "I have no idea. Last time he was home was last month and he kept telling us that he was gonna get the house back. It's been three months of living in this van, Winnie, and I hate it. And I hate him for doing this to Ma and Jamie. It gets so cold in here at night."

Winston reached over and put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Hey, I almost forgot. Mom wants to know if you guys wanted to spend Christmas at our place this year. She said that there'll be plenty of room, and you know, it'll be fun!"

Nick smiled at his best friend. "That'd be so cool. I'll mention it when she gets back. Thanks, buddy."

Jamie yawned and asked, "Will daddy be home for Christmas? And, will Santa be able to find us at your house, Winnie?"

Nick hopped his way across the checkerboard and took most of Winston's pieces. "Santa is magic, Jamie. Of course he'll know. And, maybe dad will be there. Maybe he'll show up for once."

\--

Nick's leg was bouncing up and down as he told his story. He was twisting his wedding band around his finger and fiddling with his shirt cuffs. He couldn't look Dr. Elton in the eyes, and he could feel the anxiety building in his chest. He stopped speaking and reached for his glass of water, gulping it down.

"Nick, it's okay. We don't have to keep going." Dr. Elton removed his glasses and polished them on his shirt sleeve.

"No, I'm fine, really. Sorry, it just makes me so mad to think about those months..." Nick trailed off and looked up. "My dad didn't make it home for Christmas. We spent it with Winston and his mom and his sister. I got a new hat and a baseball mitt and some new shoes." Nick smiled at the memory. "Dad showed up in March with the deed to the house, and we moved back in. The months we spent living in that van were never spoken about aloud again in the presence of my mother. She just couldn't bear to even think about it."

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He leaned back in his chair. The clock in the corner of the room was ticking steadily and soothed him a bit.

"The anniversary of your dad's death is coming up soon, isn't it?" Dr. Elton probed gently.

"Yeah, in a couple months. Twelve years since he passed and he's still the biggest thing holding me back in life." He quirked a smile. "My wife, she came with me to the funeral. She wasn't my wife then, she was just my roommate, that I had made out with three times. But, I had crazy feelings about her, even then. She flew to Chicago with me and Winston and Schmidt, she helped my Ma and I plan the funeral, she gave me a pep talk in the bathroom of the funeral home when I turned up drunk, and she put on an Elvis costume and performed _In The Ghetto_ before I did the eulogy." He could hear the therapist's pen stop writing momentarily and he looked up at his confused expression. "We had an Elvis themed funeral, as per my dad's wishes," he explained. "Jess told me before that she would be there to hold my hand and she did. And, I said goodbye to my dad properly. I never could have done that without her. She just has endless reserves of strength that she lends me to keep me afloat. I don't really understand how, but she just instantly makes everything better."

Dr. Elton looked up from his notepad again. "So, how are things going at home? I take it you're in full swing getting ready for Christmas?"

Nick grunned. "Yeah, we're buying gifts and packing bags. We're flying to Chicago on Sunday, spending the holidays with my Ma. The boys are excited for Santa and I'm looking forward to the break. I've been working non-stop, trying to finish my re-writes so that I can relax. I'm doing a reading at a huge literary festival here in LA the week after Christmas, and my publisher wants me to read from the new book. I'm nervous, but as long as Jess is there with me, I know I'll be fine." He paused, clearing his throat. "Jess and I have been doing better since Thanksgiving. We're talking more, and we're almost back to normal in terms of...being intimate..." He blushed. Talking about his sex life with his therapist was weird, like trying to talk to Schmidt about haircare. It made Nick uncomfortable to even think about.

"That's good." Dr. Elton leaned forwards. "So, here's what I want you to do over the next couple of weeks. I want you to think about one memory about your dad each day, that you think has had an impact on your adult life. It can be something small, like a facial expression he made, or a piece of advice he gave you. Or, it can be big things, like the months in the van, or the missed birthdays and holidays." He paused and reached out to place his pen on the desk in front of him. "When we meet again, I'd like to talk a bit more about your wife. She is clearly a very important person in your life, and it's good that you have a strong support system in place. But, I want to hear you talk about some of her faults. Because all I ever hear you talk about are what her good qualities are. It's healthy to air out your grievances, too."

Nick stood up, wiping the sweat from his palms onto his pants and shook Dr. Elton's hand. "I can fill a book with every little thing Jess does that annoys me, but I find most of them endearing now after so long together." He laughed and slid his hand into his pants pocket, palming his coin. "I'll see you next time."

Nick turned and walked back out to the waiting room. He made his way over to the receptionist to book his next appointment and paid his bill. He was just about to open the door when he heard his name being called. He span around to find Reagan sitting on one of the plastic waiting room chairs, wearing a pencil skirt and a blazer, her sample bag beside her. "Hey, Reagan. You here to talk the good doctors into buying your drugs?"

Reagan smiled and patted her bag. "Well, I'm actually waiting for a colleague, he's in doing the pitch, I'm just here to evaluate him when he comes back out. Perks of being the boss." She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Plus, I kind of missed the amazing lumbar support these chairs offer..."

Nick barked out a laugh and smiled back. "I know what you mean. Reminds me of the time I seriously hurt my back and had to sit in Sadie's terrible waiting room chairs.."

Reagan looked confused. "Why were you going to Sadie with back problems? Why were you going to Sadie in the first place?" She arched an eyebrow as she waited for Nick to answer.

"I didn't have insurance, so Jess helped me out by convincing Sadie to see me. It was just a bruised spine, she gave me some painkillers meant for menstrual cramps and I was fine." He gulped slightly at the memory, fingering the small scar on his neck from where he had had the cyst removed a few years before.

"Well, that's a relief. Good thing you had Jess on hand." Reagan stood up and said, "Can I walk you to your car?"

Nick nodded and they stepped out into the sunny Los Angeles afternoon. Nick shook his head. Twenty years in LA and it still didn't feel like Christmas time with the heat. "So," Reagan began as they walked side by side down the street, "have you been attending the clinic long?"

Nick looked up in alarm. "Just a couple of weeks. I have some issues I'm working through." Nick dropped his gaze to the ground as he walked.

"Oh, I didn't mean to pry, sorry." Reagan patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. "I just figured you had Jess to talk to about stuff, though. Is everything okay with you guys?"

Nick stopped and turned to face her. "Jess and I are fine, Reagan. I'm just trying to be a functioning adult, and even Jess can't fix all the broken parts of me by herself."

Reagan's eyes widened slightly and she blushed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that there was anything wrong. Just, you and Jess seem so solid, I find it hard to believe that you don't talk about everything. You once tried to talk to me about a gay dog or something once for like four hours."

Nick pulled his car keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car door, barely keeping the annoyance from his tone. "That was for my novel, Reagan. The gay dog is a huge plot point, and I've had letters from kids all over the world writing to me about how they feel accepted because of that dog." He gave an exasperated huff. He slid into the front seat and pulled his door closed, rolling down the window. "Can you please not say anything to Sadie about seeing me here? It's kind of private..."

Reagan nodded and Nick started the car and drove home.

\--

Nick pulled up into the driveway of Mars Landing and shut off the engine. He could see Jess through the living room window balancing on a chair to reach into the back of the closet. He waited until she had closed the closet door before making his way inside. He knew that was where she hid his Christmas present, and he knew that he would never think of peeking, but he could feel the excitement bubbling inside him.

"I'm home," he called, and hung his jacket up, before making his way towards the kitchen.

"Hey, I thought I heard your car. How did your meeting go?" Nick walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out the milk. He swigged out of the carton and Jess wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Nick, use a glass."

The kitchen smelled heavenly. "Jess, are you making gingerbread?" He reached out and twirled one of her apron strings around his finger as she measured out sugar into a mixing bowl.

"Yup, gingerbread men and women, the boys are gonna help me decorate, they're for Christmas Eve Eve dessert tomorrow." She turned around, grabbed the milk carton from his hands and replaced it back in the fridge. She reached for the flour and the cinnamon.

"So, I am going to be reading an excerpt from my book at that festival in a couple of weeks. Can I count on your overwhelming support?" He leaned up against her, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. He placed both of his hands on either side of her, boxing her in between him and the counter. He heard her breath hitch slightly and felt her shiver.

"Nick, that's great news!" She span around and kissed him gently. "This is a serious event, are they expecting a big crowd?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah, a few hundred people. It's an outdoor event." He ran a hand down the curve of her waist and settled it on her hip. "Jess, you know that I love you, right?"

Jess grinned and flushed slightly. "Of course I do, I love you too, you clown."

Nick took a deep breath. "I have to tell you something. I've been seeing someone."

He felt Jess sag slightly and gripped her tighter. The blood drained from her face. He widened his eyes and panicked. "No, no no no no, not like that! Oh, God, sorry Jess. I meant, a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist. He's been helping me to talk about my dad and you and why I keep having Tom Waits thoughts."

He felt her arms come around his neck and she hugged him tightly to her. "Oh my gosh, you scared the hell out of me, Miller!" She thumped his back lightly, causing a plume of flour to erupt from his shirt. She leaned back and looked into his eyes. "I'm proud of you. That's a huge step. How do you feel?"

He kissed her deeply, drawing out a delicious moan from her lips. Pulling back, he smiled. "I feel okay. It's gonna take a lot of work, but I feel like I'm making some progress. We talked about the van months today. Only you and Winston know the whole story about those days. I can't even talk to Schmidt about the whole thing." He pressed her closer to him and inhaled the scent of her hair. "Jessica Day, I would do anything for you, whether it's opening a bank account or helping you hide a body or talking about my complete bastard of a dad with a complete stranger." He kissed down the column of her neck and whispered into her ear, "Or, distracting the kids so that we can have some alone time..."

He could feel Jess's grin as she caught his lips with her own. "They're at Schmidt and Cece's learning about Hannukah, so..."

Nick's eyes widened and he reached down, pulling her up onto the counter in front of him. He settled between her spread legs. He felt her hands stroking his straining erection and he groaned. She slowly undid his belt and pants, reaching a hand in under his boxers and releasing him. She pumped his hardness softly. He growled and nipped his way across her collarbone. He sucked a bruise into her skin and she moaned. He gently reached down and grabbed her wrist, removing her hand from him. He slid his hands across her thighs, and pulled her closer to him. He pulled her panties to the side and slid himself into her tight heat, inch by inch.

"Oh, yes," Jess murmured, throwing her head back with a whimper. Nick grabbed the counter on either side of her hips and thrust hard and fast. Jess wrapped her hands around his shoulders and her legs around his waist as he hit her sweet spot again and again. "Fuck," she whined, and Nick fought to stay in control.

"Anything, Jess," he murmured into her ear. "I would do absolutely anything for you, honey." He sped up, wrapping his hands around her hips and fucking into her deeper. She cried out and he felt her walls clench rapidly around him. He kept thrusting, prolonging her orgasm, making her twitch and whimper and moan swears into the front of his shirt. His hips stuttered as he came, calling her name.

Jess slumped against him and he placed kisses across her sweaty forehead. "Jessica Day, I want you to see everything. Even what's in my crawlspace."

He felt Jess giggle beneath him and he lifted her off the counter into his arms. As he carried her to the stairs, he heard her say, "Ew, no one should ever have to see your crawlspace, Nicholas..."

He bit back a laugh and said, mock offended, "It was a metaphor, Jessica. I'm a writer, you know!"


	22. Party Jumping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so incredibly sorry for the long delay. As many of you know, I'm a doctor, and things have been insane with work lately. But, I'm on leave now, so I'm hoping to get this story finished over the next few days. Happy Christmas to everyone and thanks for sticking with this!

"Hey, Winston, is this straight?" Jess called over her shoulder. She was perched precariously on top of a bar stool, holding one end of a banner that said **Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!**

"Earth to The Bish! Is this thing more Justin Timberlake or Lance Bass?" Schmidt roared from where he was standing on the bar, reaching up to hold the other end of the banner, ready to tape it to the wall. He dodged a handful of peanuts that Sid, one of their regulars, had thrown at his head and exclaimed, "Sidney, that was uncalled for! It was a perfectly fine analogy for the straightness of this banner!"

"It's more Joey Fatone and you know it!" Sid slurred, reaching into the bowl for more peanuts and knocking back his glass of peppermint Schnapps.

Winston looked up from the conversation he was having with DanBill and Junior about his fruity punch, and yelled, "Schmidt, outdated references jar, twenty dollars!" He strode over and helped Jess down from the stool. "Sorry, Miller, you're not tall enough for this." He climbed up, adjusted the height of the banner and taped it to the wall. Schmidt sighed in relief as he stood down from the bar and cursed lightly at seeing Ruth and Moses untangling the Christmas tree lights.

"Where's Nick, anyway? Shouldn't he be here to help with the decorating for this meshuggeneh Christian festival?"

Jess poured herself a ginger ale and topped up Schmidt's Midori sour from the cocktail shaker. "He's at home helping the boys finish packing. If Mitch had his way, he'd bring every dinosaur in the house. Nick told him he can only bring two toys. Santa and grandma presents are gonna take up a lot of room on the journey back!"

Winston strode back towards the Christmas tree. He unwrapped a piece of tinsel from around Aliya and helped her place it on the tree. Aly came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Hey, you doing okay?" she asked, rubbing him lightly on the stomach.

He turned to face her, placing a light kiss in her hair. "Yeah, I'm doing alright, baby. Just a bit nervous is all."

He was happy to be spending Christmas with his mom and sister, but he was definitely not looking forward to breaking the news that Van was back in his life. He brushed some stray glitter off of Aly's cheek. She grinned, revealing the hand that she was hiding behind her back and held some mistletoe over her head. Winston grinned and pulled her closer, kissing her deeply. Aly pulled back and called over her shoulder, “Hey, Cece, crank up the jukebox, girl!”

Cece grinned from where she was standing, holding Walter up so he could place the star on top of the tree. Placing him back on his feet, she slapped him a high five and strode over to the jukebox. She smiled as she flipped through the selection, before deciding. There was a loud cheer as the first notes of Darlene Love's voice echoed through the bar. Jess did a happy twirl and sang along to _Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)_.

Schmidt and Ruth finally got the lights untangled and helped Winston wrap them around the tree. A loud cheer rang out as they plugged them in. Pinpoints of colored light were thrown around the room and the kids all huddled together, talking excitedly about flying to Chicago and New York, and what Santa was going to bring tomorrow night.

“Hey, this place looks great!” Nick's voice cut through the commotion. He placed Mitch on his feet and he and Reggie made a beeline for Jess and Cece. Jess wrapped them in a huge hug.

“Ma, Dad only let me pack two dinosaurs!” Mitch complained, throwing a dirty look at Nick over his shoulder.

“Good,” Jess replied, mussing up his hair. “I promise, Grandma has some dinosaurs at her house!” She winked at Nick and smiled as she realized that he was wearing the Christmas sweater she had knitted for him. “Looking good, Mr. Miller.”

Nick struck an exaggerated pose and Reggie giggled. The boys ran off to join the other kids and Nick wrapped his arms around Jess. “Thank you for the beautiful sweater, J-Day. It's entirely too hot out to wear it, yet here I am. That's true love right there!”

Jess swatted at him, adjusting her glasses. “Hey, you'll be much happier to wear it when we get to your mom's tomorrow. It'll be snowing and icy and an all-around white Christmas.” Frank Sinatra's voice rang out from the speakers and Nick eyed her carefully.

“You're not a psychic, right? That song coming on is pure coincidence, right?” Nick was still not entirely positive that Jess wasn't somehow gifted when it came to predicting things. Ever the conspiracy theorist, he totally believed that ESP and precognition were real things sometimes.

Jess rolled her eyes and sighed. “No, I'm not psychic, I promise. I'm just overly familiar with the Christmas songs on the jukebox of the bar that we own.” She waved over her shoulder and Nick turned to find Van Bishop standing awkwardly in the doorway. He waved and beckoned for him to come in.

Van shifted the large bag that he was holding to his other hand as he shrugged off his jacket and placed it on the back of a bar stool. He shook hands with Nick warmly. “Nick, Jess, happy Christmas to you both.”

Nick reached over and poured Van a glass of peppermint Schnapps. “On the house for our regulars. It's our way of saying thank you for staying loyal to us all year.” Nick nodded towards Sid and refilled the peanut bowl in front of him. “Hey, Jess, why are there peanuts all over the floor back here?” Sid grinned manically and Jess just patted Nick on the shoulder.

–

Winston approached the bar and clapped Van on the shoulder. “Hey, you made it!” Van smiled and took another swig from his drink. Winston would never have admitted it, but he was relieved. He had expected his father to chicken out, but he had turned up. Maybe he had changed. He felt himself relax. He rounded the bar and poured himself a glass of his special fruity punch.

“I wouldn't have missed this. The place looks so jolly!” Van smiled around at the excited, dancing children.

Winston nodded. “Yeah, it's a Christmas tradition. Christmas Eve Eve is when we get to party like a family before we go our separate ways for the holidays. The Millers and us Bishops are going to Chicago, and the Schmidts are going to New York to Schmidt's mom and her wife Susan.” He sipped his drink through his straw.

Van nodded and laughed at Schmidt and Jess's wild dance moves. “You guys certainly know how to throw a party.” Nick and Cece were teaching the kids how to do the Macarena to _Feliz Navidad_. Winston barked out a laugh at Junior's flailing. “That boy certainly did not get his moves from our side of the family!”

Winston nodded. “Yeah, he's very like Aly's dad. You should have seen him at our wedding, I've never been so embarrassed about someone else's dancing before.” He clapped and cheered at the kids as he poured another drink for Kevin at the other end of the bar.

Van sighed, looking down at the bar. “I'm sorry for being such an idiot, kid. If I knew how much I was going to miss out on, I never would have walked away the way I did.” He hung his head and shifted his weight on the stool. Winston refilled his glass and poured one for his father, too. “I should have been at your damn wedding.”

“Yeah,” Winston said, placing the punch down on the bar in front of Van, “you should have been. But, what's past is past. You're here now. Now, drink that and come meet your grandkids!” He called out to Aly and she gathered up the Bishop kids and brought them over to the bar.

“Guys, there's someone that I'd like you to meet.” Winston gestured to Van and continued. “This is my dad, Van. He's your grandpa.” He pointed out his kids and introduced Van to them. “This is DanBill, he's the eldest. Then we have Winston Junior and Aliya, they're twins. This is Walter and this cutie patootie is Theodora, but we call her Teddy for short.”

DanBill stared up at the tall man in awe. Junior scoffed. “Dad, don't be silly, we already have a grandpa!”

Aly laughed and put her hands on his shoulders. “Sweetie, everyone has two grandpas. You have my dad and your dad's dad.”

Junior was still not convinced. “So, how come Reggie only has one grandpa? And Moses, too?”

Winston sighed. “They have two grandpas, Junior. Just Uncle Nick's dad and Aunt Cece's dad are in heaven.”

Van reached down to the large bag he had brought. “Hey kid, I promise you, I am your grandpa. And, I brought you all some Christmas presents. Would you like to see what I've brought you?”

Winston's eyebrows rose slightly. He had not been expecting that. “Van, you didn't have to do that!”

Van ignored him and handed out the toys. He muttered, “I was the 76th precinct Santa Claus for over 20 years, still got it!” He winked and handed Aly a teddy bear for Teddy. “Winnie had one just like this when he was a kid.”

Aly laughed. “He still has it. He doesn't know that I know, but it's on the top shelf of our closet, tucked away.”

–

Nick leaned back in the booth and watched Jess twirling around with Reggie and Moses. He was half listening to Schmidt complain about bringing his children through LAX the following morning. “It's not that I hate flying, but every surface in that wretched place is just covered in germs. Moses has a fragile immune system and Ruth is exposed to so many germs on a weekly basis with that ridiculously sticky soccer team I'm amazed she's still alive to talk about it!”

Nick nodded, running a hand across his stubble and sipping his drink. “Yeah, I know what you mean. But, you know, Jess is all about exposing kids to germs so that they can build their immune systems.” He chuckled. “But, I think she just says that cause she knows that any kids of mine are gonna be sticky and covered in filth most of the time...”

He trailed off as he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out, quipping, “That's either my Ma calling for the thousandth time today checking our flight time, or it's Merle.” He checked the screen and paused, frowning. “I'm gonna take this in the office, I'll be back in a sec.”

He rose from the booth and approached Jess. “Hey beautiful, Sadie is calling me, do you have any idea why?” He held up his phone and saw Jess eye it curiously.

“No, that's weird, though. Unless it's about Jake? Are you gonna call her back?” Jess slipped her hands under his sweater and ran them gently up his sides.

“Yeah, I'm just gonna go into the office.” He pulled her in for a quick kiss, and heard Reggie groan in disgust behind them. “Hey, Reggie, love is a beautiful thing, buddy, don't make that face.”

Jess kissed him again before letting him go. “Tell Sadie I'll see her when we get back from Chicago. Cece, too, we're definitely gonna do girls plus Winston night!”

Nodding, Nick wandered off towards his office.

–

Schmidt yawned and high-fived Winston as he sat next to him. “How are things going with Van and the kids?”

Winston grinned. “Really well. Now, I just need to get my mom on the same page. That'll be fun.” He rolled his eyes and pulled the pink cocktail umbrella out from behind his ear. “It's nice for the kids to have Van in their lives, you know?”

Schmidt nodded. “I get it, man. My dad is a terrible influence on my children, with his philandering, womanizing ways. But, I'm glad he's there. Plus, Calabasas is really very nice in the fall.”

Winston shook his head. “Just remember, Schmidt, you were also a womanizing philanderer once.”

Schmidt pretended to look offended and then smiled across the room at Cece. “Yeah, but then I met the wonderful Indian deity that is my wife, and it's all been good since.”

Winston scanned the room. “Hey, where did Nick disappear to?” he asked. “I was gonna ask him for advice on breaking potentially life-ruining news by blurting it out, and he's the master of that!”

Schmidt nodded towards the office. “He's over there taking a phone call. Must be Merle, who else would be calling on Christmas Eve Eve that he couldn't just take here in front of me? We have no secrets, man.” Winston rolled his eyes and let that remark go. He wasn't in the mood to play _Which One Of Us Knows Nick Better_ right now.

“I'm gonna go get another drink. You want one?” Schmidt stood up, picking up his glass and wiping a hand across his forehead. Winston nodded, handing Schmidt his empty punch glass. “A small one, though, Schmidt, I cannot face my mother hungover.”

–

Schmidt stepped up behind the bar and tried to pour himself a beer. The liquid dripped from the tap and then died. Frowning, he wiped his hands on a bar rag and stepped back. He walked down the hall towards the office. He needed Nick to change the keg, and he knew that if it wasn't done soon, Kevin '97 would start to make a fuss.

He paused outside the door, which was slightly ajar. He could hear Nick on the other side, still clearly on the phone. He was about to knock and announce his presence when he stopped short at Nick's words. “Look, it's very simple. Reagan, I love you, and I want to spend my life with you.”

Schmidt reared back from the door in horror and walked briskly back out to the bar. He felt the bile rise in his throat as he made his way back to the booth and sat down beside Winston. “Hey man, where's our drinks?” Winston looked at Schmidt's pale face and shaking hands and asked worriedly, “Schmidt, what's up, man?”

Schmidt felt his voice crack as he mumbled, “Winston, I think Nick is cheating on Jess...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm evil, ending on a cliffhanger like that! Please read and review! :-)


	23. Things Will Stay The Same

“So, as you can see, Mario looks really comfortable in his jaunty Christmas sweater, and it only took me 3 days to knit.” Jess passed her cellphone around the room for the rest of the knitting circle to look at. “And, two of those days were trying to get Mario to sit still so that I could take his measurements.”

Bonnie cooed at the pictures of Mario and Mitch in matching Christmas attire. “Jessie, these are so cute. Thank you for sharing them with us.” She passed the phone to the next person and picked her teacup up off the coffee table. “I cannot believe how big Mitch is getting, what are you feeding him?”

Jess giggled. “Nick has been sneaking him raisins on the sly.” She rolled her eyes. “He's just a big child himself and I hate being the bad cop. So I pretend I don't know. Makes my life easier.” She clinked her cup with her mother-in-law's and settled back against the couch cushions.

Jamie came bounding into the living room and wrapped his arms around DeAnn's shoulders. “Hey, baby, Nicky and I are going to O'Leary's. We're gonna have a couple of beers and catch up properly.” He turned to Jess. “Glasses-Face, the boys are upstairs playing Monopoly with Taylor.”

Jess rolled her eyes. “Jamie, please, Nick and I have been married for five years, can't you just call me Jess?”

“No, you're Glasses-Face. I lost my virginity to a girl named Jess, and I don't want to mix you two up in my mind.” DeAnn pulled a face and Jess choked on her tea, coughing as Bonnie thumped her on the back.

“James Walter Miller, that is entirely too much information.” She handed Jess a handkerchief and pointed to the door. “Go on, get going. But, please don't be out too late, it's Christmas Eve.”

\--

“Dad, DanBill keeps taking my hat!” Junior yelled, stirring Winston from his reverie. Sighing, he walked Walter over towards the snowman he was helping the kids to build and grabbed Junior's hat from its head.

“DanBill, come on, man, please stop taking Junior's hat, or so help me, I will call Santa and tell him to fill your stocking with broccoli and spinach!” He brushed the snow out of the hat and placed it firmly onto his son's head. Walter giggled and threw a handful of snow at Winston's pants. Aliya shrieked with laughter and threw a snowball at DanBill, who dodged it easily.

“Yeah, like you have Santa's phone number,” DanBill grouched back, throwing a fistful of snow back at his sister.

“Boy, I am a police detective, you really think I can't call the guys back at the station and tell them to look up Santa's phone number?” DanBill stopped, his eyes popping out of his head. “Yeah, you just think about that, young Bishop!”

Winston lifted Walter up and walked back towards the steps. He wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and adjusted his gloves. Aly appeared at the back door, Teddy balanced on her hip. “Winnie, your phone is ringing again. What is Schmidt's problem, seriously? I know they don't celebrate, but it's Christmas Eve.”

“I'll take care of it. Can you watch the kids for a second?” He ran into his mother's kitchen, which was filled with the smells of Christmas dinner. Charmaine was at the kitchen counter, elbow deep in a bowl of gingerbread dough.

“Hey, your phone was ringing a minute ago. Is it work? Who needs to speak to you this badly at Christmas?” Winston sighed as he picked up his phone. Eight missed calls from Schmidt and one from Cece.

“Yeah, it's just Schmidt. He probably saw a spider and needs reassurance.” He tried to laugh it off and his mother frowned.

“A spider? That boy has some serious problems. How did you ever become friends with him?” She shook her head and went back to singing along with Stevie Wonder.

Winston was beginning to ask himself the same question. He ran his hand across his face and dialed Schmidt's number.

“Winston, are you seriously ignoring me right now?” Schmidt's face filled his phone screen as he answered on the first ring. “I share the news with you that our friend's marriage may be about to implode, and you decide to what? Have a snowball fight in the backyard with your kids? How can you be so irresponsible?”

“Schmidt, that is exactly what I was doing!” Winston switched to his cop voice and flopped down on his bed. “Have you lost your damn mind? This is Nick we are talking about. He loves Jess, he went through so much to marry Jess, why the hell would he go back to Raisin?”

Schmidt rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his chutney'd hair. “Winston, you know as well as I do that Nick doesn't make the best decisions. And I know what I heard, he was telling Reagan how he loved her and wanted to be with her. And he was doing it in the bar office, where he could have privacy.” Winston tried to interject but Schmidt kept talking. “And, don't you dare tell me that I could be wrong. Jess is like my sister, man, you need to talk to Nick.”

Winston took a deep breath in and counted to ten before answering. “Why can't you talk to him your damn self, Schmidt? You're the only one who believes your crazy stories.”

“Because he is currently three blocks from you in Chicago and eight hundred miles from me in Long Island. You need to confront him, for the sake of our family, Winston.” Winston could hear the sound of Schmidt opening a bag of chips in the background. “I'm stress eating now, what do you think will happen to me if we only get to see Reggie and Mitch every other weekend and at holidays?”

Winston was about to call him a crazy person and hang up when he heard Cece yelling in the background. “Schmidt, are you in here? Your mother is driving me crazy, what are you doing?” He saw Schmidt throw the bag of chips under his desk and brush crumbs off his shirt.

“Hey girl, you doing okay in Casa Schmidt?” Winston saw Cece's eyebrows raise.

“Hey Winston. Besides Louise criticizing my parenting skills every five seconds, things are good. What's going on?” Cece sat on the bed beside Schmidt and elbowed him. “I seriously need backup out there, why are you hiding out in here talking to Winston? We literally just saw him at the airport this morning.”

Winston shrugged and fought the urge to swear. “Babe, do me a favor. Please talk some sense into your husband. He has lost his damn mind...”

He was about to go on when his bedroom door opened. “Honey, Nick and Jamie are here. They're going to O'Leary's. If you wanna go, go. The kids and I are just gonna bake cookies with Grandma.” Aly waved at Schmidt and Cece on the screen. “Hey guys, what's going on?”

Schmidt yelled out, “Now is your chance, Winston. Please find out what is going on!” Cece looked alarmed at his outburst and Schmidt hung up before Winston could hear what she was going to say next.

“What was that about?” Aly hugged him as he slumped forward, hands over his face.

“Nothing, just Schmidt being Schmidt. I won't be very long, I'll be back to help get the kids to bed.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek and reached for his jacket and hat.

–

Nick, Jamie & Winston arrived at O'Leary's at six and were greeted warmly by the bartender and some of the regulars. “Hey, it's the chocolate swirl. I didn't know you guys were in town!” Brendan was slumped over the bar, beer in hand. He was wearing a Christmas sweater that had a big Rudolph face on it.

Nick slapped him on the back and ordered three beers. “Happy holidays, Brendan. Please do not refer to Winston and I as the chocolate swirl, it's kinda racist. Can I get you a drink?”

Brendan perked up and nodded eagerly. Nick paid and made small talk with Jane behind the bar. “Hey, man, is your hot Elvis with you? I cannot believe that beautiful ass is yours, man!” Nick's smile dropped slightly. _It's just drunk talk, Nick, just breathe. There's no need to lose your temper tonight_ , he thought.

“Yeah, Jess and the boys are at my Ma's with the knitting circle.” He smiled, remembering the pictures of the boys and Mario in their Christmas sweaters that Jess had put together for the meeting. “I'll let her know you said hello, buddy.” He picked up the beers and walked to Jamie's regular booth.

“Hey, has Brendan always been such an ass?” He slumped down on the seat next to Winston and sipped his beer.

“Yeah, dude, but he's Brendan, you know? He's the best customer in this place. Remember at dad's funeral when you got real drunk and asked him to be Elvis?” Jamie sniggered and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. “You were so wasted!”

Nick felt Winston shift beside him and looked over at him. “Winnie, you alright, man? Is it cause Brendan called us chocolate swirl? Cause I told him that wasn't cool.” Winston gazed down at the table and then looked up, a serious expression on his face.

“Look, man, I just have to ask you something, and I don't want to, but Schmidt is driving me crazy, and if I don't ask you now, he's just gonna keep calling me...” Winston stopped to take a large gulp of beer and spluttered. Nick handed him a napkin.

“What's going on? What about Schmidt?” Nick frowned. “I mean, I saw him at the airport this morning and he seemed kind of off, but I figured that was because he was gonna have to deal with a puking Moses for hours in an enclosed space.” Moses had terrible travel sickness, and a vomiting child was the one part of parenthood that Schmidt had not mastered.

“Schmidt overheard you on the phone while you were in your office at the bar yesterday during the party.” Winston blurted out. Nick's eyebrows rose and he stared at Winston.

“And?” Nick sat back and waited for his friend to continue. He was confused. Jamie was glancing from one to the other, trying to keep up with this conversation.

“And, he thinks that you're having an affair with Raisin. Damn, I meant Reagan, why can I never get that right first time...” Winston's hands shook as he lowered his beer bottle. Nick's expression turned to one of outrage and he swelled with anger. “So, I guess I have to ask, are you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Nick roared, and silence fell over the bar. Jane looked over and Jamie motioned that it was okay. He put his hand on Nick's shoulder and whispered, “Settle down, or we're gonna get kicked out of here, Nicky.”

“Winston, are you fucking kidding me right now? Do you seriously think that after everything Jess and I have been through this goddamn year already that I would do something like that?” Nick was hurt. He knew that his friends still thought of him as a fuck-up every so often, but this stung. He had tried so hard over the last eight years to build himself up, and it had worked. He had gotten his life together, he had married the love of his life, why was the universe suddenly conspiring to fuck him over all of a sudden?

He pulled out his phone and dialed. Jamie stared at him for a second before asking, “Who are you calling?”

“Schmidt.” Nick's tone was pure ice as he waited for his best friend to answer.

Schmidt finally picked up and Nick spoke over his greeting. “What the hell, Schmidt? You sent Winston to interrogate me rather than talk to me yourself?” He put his phone on speaker and placed it on the table in front of him.

Schmidt's mom, Louise, could be heard in the background. “Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt, you were raised better than this. Who takes a phone call in the middle of dinner? Cecelia, do you let him do that at home?” Cece's reply was muffled, but Nick could tell by her tone that Louise was walking a very fine line and that Cece was on the brink of exploding at her mother-in-law.

“Nick, shalom.” Schmidt replied, and then launched into an apology. “I'm sorry, but I heard you on the phone, and we just needed to know for sure, you know. We don't want anything to upset the family dynamic...”

“And, what, you don't think this upsets the family dynamic?” Nick was restraining himself from yelling, but only just. He shook off Winston's hand from his shoulder. “What happened to trust, Schmidt?”

Schmidt sounded awful on the other end of the phone. “Look, I know that I may have gone about this the wrong way, but I got scared, Nick.”

Nick sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Scared? That I might divorce Jess and run off into the sunset with Reagan? If I wanted to do that, Schmidt, I never would have ended our relationship in the first place.”

“Look, can we just forget this happened?” Winston interjected. Nick could tell how annoyed he was with Schmidt's antics, but he played his part in this too.

“Schmidt, I was giving Sadie a pep-talk. She's asking Reagan to move in with her and Jacob.” He rubbed his eyes and took another drink. “She asked me because she knew that Jess would overreact and try to micro-manage. You know how she gets.” He picked his phone up off the table and took it off speaker. “I'm hanging up now, Schmidt. I'll talk to you when we get back to LA. Give my love to your mom and Susan.”

He didn't give Schmidt a chance to reply before he ended the call. He sat back and gestured to Jane for another round. Jamie went up to collect it and Nick turned to Winston. “So, have you spoken to your mom about Van yet?” he asked.

Winston's eyes widened and he shook his head. “Hey, are we cool?”

Nick shrugged and closed his eyes. “I dunno. Let me have a few more beers and we'll see. Right now, I just want to hear about something else.”

–

Winston arrived back at the house at seven thirty and helped Aly put the kids to bed. They excitedly showed their dad all the gingerbread cookies that they had helped Charmaine to bake and he took one eagerly, enjoying the tangy sweetness. After several threats that if they got up before the sun was up, Santa would not be making an appearance, they finally got them settled and he and Aly went downstairs.

Charmaine was sitting on the sofa watching Home Alone when they entered the living room. Winston reached out and took the remote from his mother's hands. “Mom, we have to talk to you about something.”

Charmaine beamed and looked Aly up and down. “Girl, are you pregnant again?” She clapped her hands and Aly's expression changed to one of abject horror.

“God, no, Charmaine, isn't five enough?” Aly sat down on the sofa and crossed her legs. Winston smiled at her apologetically and began.

“Mom, I just want to let you know that Van got in contact with me a few weeks ago, just before Thanksgiving. I've met him several times and so has Aly...and so have the kids.” He waited for the eruption, but it never came.

“Oh?” There was a pause before she went on. “Is that all?” Charmaine got up and hugged her son close. “Baby, he's your daddy. And, yes, he did a shitty thing, but if you want him to be a part of your life, then I'll just have to accept that.” She paused and kissed his cheek. “Just, please don't expect me to sit in the same room as him, cause I cannot guarantee his safety.”

Winston heaved a sigh of relief. “I love you, mom. And, you did so much for me and Alisha growing up, I guess I felt kind of guilty that Van and I have been getting along so well.”

Charmaine cleared her throat. “I love you, too, baby. And I hope he sticks around this time.” She reached into the drawer in the coffee table and pulled out a bag of Red Vines. “So, how are you gonna break this to Alisha? Cause I do not want raised voices at my dinner table, young man!”

–

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” Nick closed the book and ran a hand through Mitch's curls. He was curled into a ball, sleeping soundly. Reggie's eyes were drooping, but sleep had yet to come.

“Dad, are you sure that Santa knows we're here?” He yawned, and Nick scooched closer on the bed beside him.

“Trust me, kiddo, we wrote it on your Santa letter that you were going to be spending Christmas at Grandma's. And, we told him in person when we went to see him at the mall.” Nick reassured his son in a calm voice. “He knows you and Mitch are here, and he knows that the Bishops are at their grandma's.”

Nick kissed him on the top of his head and reached over to turn out the lamp. “Go to sleep, okay? When you wake up tomorrow, it'll be Christmas.” Reggie hugged him tight for a few seconds before settling back against the pillows.

Nick closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He couldn't get his mind off the conversation he had had with Schmidt and Winston. Did they really think he was capable of hurting those he loved like that? Schmidt had immediately jumped to the worst possible outcome and Nick was horrified. He shook his head to try and clear his thoughts and headed towards his bedroom. Jess was downstairs wrapping the last of the presents. Nick reached into his suitcase and pulled out the first edition novel he had gotten her for Christmas. It was one of her favorites and he couldn't wait to see her face when she opened it.

He hesitated for a moment before slipping the letter he had written for her out from between the pages. He sighed and placed it into his laptop case. _If the guys can think that of me, then wouldn't Jess think that too?_ he thought. _Maybe everyone thinks I'm just one screw up away from complete failure._

–

Jess sighed and rolled over. Nick was awake and staring at the ceiling. “Hey, are you okay?” Jess was exhausted, a mixture of jet lag and Christmas anxiety, and she figured that Nick must feel the same way. _So, why is he wide awake at four o'clock in the morning?_ she mused.

“Hey, sorry, did I wake you?” Nick rolled onto his side to face her, wrapping her in his arms. She placed her head on his chest and listened to his heart beating.

“No, I guess I just had a feeling that something was wrong...” Jess stifled a yawn and ran her hands up and down his back. She could feel him relaxing into her touch.

“Guess I'm just thinking about my reading next week...” Nick trailed off and Jess could tell he wasn't being completely honest.

“Nick, you've done tons of readings, this one is no different. It's just to a bigger crowd than usual.” She felt Nick nod above her. “Is that all?”

Nick hesitated for a moment before he asked, in a voice barely above a whisper, “Jess, do you sometimes think that I'm just moments away from screwing everything up, like when we were together the first time?”

Jess stiffened and pulled back to look at him. His expression broke her heart. “Wait, where is this coming from?”

Nick shrugged. “Just, I feel like that sometimes. I feel like everything is out of my control. I've been doing so well lately, and I've been feeling really good, but tonight I just feel like I'm going to ruin everything by doing something stupid.”

Nick closed his eyes and Jess stroked her hand across his cheek. “I think you've hit your quota for screw ups this year, Nicholas.” He laughed softly and she kissed him. “No, I don't think you're going to screw anything up. And, you talking to me about this is proof of that.”

Nick relaxed and pulled her closer. “I love you, Jess. To the upmost.” She sighed and wrapped herself around him. “I was gonna give you that thing I was working on for you tomorrow. But, I've decided to give it to you when we get back to LA. I just want it to be us, you, me, and the boys.”

Jess laughed softly. “Nick, I love you, so much, and I would love to continue this conversation, but I think Mitch is awake.” She could hear the boys giggling softly together from the baby monitor and Nick sat up, pulling his pants on. "Also, it's UTmost."

"Agree to disagree," he laughed, and squeezed her hand. “I'll go make sure they sleep some more. It's too early for Santa.” Jess nodded. She was just on the brink of sleep when she heard Nick talking to the boys. “Guys, Santa probably hasn't been yet, you need to go back to sleep...wait, Reggie, is that Grandma's yarn? Oh, she is gonna be pissed tomorrow...” She giggled softly, turned over and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and review! :-)


	24. Trying To Deal

_Because, Nick, if I was always honest with you, then we would never stop fighting!_

_I love you. More than I've ever loved anybody!_

_I love you, too. But, what if that's the only thing we have in common?_

Nick blearily opened his eyes and sat up. He coughed, the taste of the scotch he had been drinking the night before sour in the back of his throat. His head was pounding and the light streaming in from his bedroom window made him wince. He flopped back down and pulled the pillow over his head. He sighed, inhaling the faint scent of Jess's shampoo that still lingered on the fabric.

He could hear the faint sounds of life in the loft echoing towards him. Winston was in the shower, singing that song he liked from the musical with the green lady...Nick struggled to remember the name...something like Evil? Jess would know and she would join him in making fun of Winston for knowing all the words to it. Nick could feel the lump in his chest throb. Jess wouldn't be joining him in doing anything, maybe not ever again. He shook off the thought.

Schmidt was in the kitchen, his blender going full blast as he prepared his morning Strawbana smoothie. Nick guessed it had to be about 6:30am if Schmidt was still home. He worked such long hours at AssStrat that he liked to leave monstrously early. He had the radio on, and he could hear Coach doing sprints up and down the hallway. Everytime he got closer to Nick's bedroom door, Nick heard him singing falsetto to the tune playing. Nick really had to pee, but he couldn't bring himself to roll off the pile of blankets that was serving as his bed. _Bed went up in flames and my relationship went right with it_ , he thought, the weight of the last few days hitting him again.

He heard the familiar padding of Jess's feet on the wooden floors and he braced himself. Jess had been sleeping on the living room couch, where she had been watching Dirty Dancing non-stop for the last four days. She had called in sick to work and has barely showered. He hadn't seen her this sad or depressed since Spencer. If it was even possible, she was much worse than she ever had been after Spencer. Nick felt the weight crushing him even more and didn't even try to stop the tears leaking from his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her that he wanted to uncall it. But, this is what she wanted. He, Nick Miller, overgrown, irresponsible man-child, didn't deserve Jessica Day, and for her to be truly happy, he knew that he had to just let her be.

Jess knocked lightly on his door and stuck her head around it. “Hey, Miller, I'm just getting some clean clothes from the closest.”

Nick stuck a hand up from under his blanket and waved her in. “Go right ahead, Day.” He winced internally as he heard his voice. He cleared his throat and asked, “Are you going to school today?”

He could see Jess's slippered feet make their way across the room and her pink, fluffy pyjamed ass sticking out of his closet as she reached in and grabbed a clean skirt and blouse. “Yeah, I've used up my sick days, gotta get back out there sometime, right?” She chuckled lightly, the sound ringing unnervingly false in Nick's mind.

Nick sat up slowly and looked at Jess's face. _She's only barely holding it together, Miller. Cut her some slack!_ “Well, have a good day, Ms. Day.” He bit back the “I-love-you” on his tongue as she smiled warmly at him, and waved as she left the room.

Nick lay back down and listened as Jess showered, singing a mournful Patsy Cline song as she did so. She left the house a half-hour later and he breathed a sigh. He rolled out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He relieved himself and ran his hands through his hair in the mirror. He hadn't shaved in days, and his chin was itchy under the stubble.

He was surprised to see Schmidt, Winston and Coach sitting at the dinner table when he emerged. He had expected Schmidt to have left for work already. He eyed them suspiciously as he rummaged around in the kitchen cabinet for some Wheaties. His eyed landed on Jess's box of tea and he could feel his chest tighten again. _It's just a box of tea, Miller. Get a hold of yourself, man!_

Schmidt cleared his throat and announced, “Nicholas, you're just in time, we're having a loft meeting!” Nick groaned and plucked a spoon from the drawer. He sat at his spot at the table as Schmidt read off the minutes of the last meeting. He munched on his cereal, zoning out. As Schmidt's voice petered out, Nick roused himself enough to ask, “Hey, why are we having a loft meeting when Jess isn't here?” He felt Winston shift uncomfortably in his seat and sighed. “What, she can't be here in the same room as me? Are you gonna catch her up later? She'll be really mad, cause we can't vote on anything if she's not here, Schmidt!”

Winston cleared his throat and mumbled, “Actually, Nick, that's why she's not here. This meeting has been called to discuss your living arrangements...”

Nick dropped his spoon back into the bowl and glowered at the three men watching him carefully. “What about our living arrangements?”

Coach fiddled with the drawstring on his hoodie as he spoke. “Dude, Jess needs to sleep somewhere that's not the living room sofa. It's like when she moved in, all tissues and pink wine and that awful movie with that handsome, dancing sonofabitch.”

Schmidt nodded enthusiastically. “Legally, my name, your name and Winston's name are on the lease. Coach is technically the last one in, so...”

Nick shook his head. “No, Coach shouldn't have to move out because of my mess. I know where this is going.” He hung his head, not daring to meet his friends' eyes.

Winston reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “Hey man, you know that I hate doing this. But, this is what we agreed when you and Jess got involved. If anything were to happen, you would be the one to move out. You and Jess are a part of this family, but you guys can't go on like this...”

Nick felt the sob escape his body before he could stop it. He placed his head on the table as his body was wracked with spasms as he fought to control his breathing. He hadn't felt like this since Walt died. It had taken days after he had come back from his father's funeral for the grief to really set in. This was frightening.

Schmidt placed his hand on top of Nick's and squeezed. “I get it, man. I felt like that when Cece and I broke up, too. You know that was nearly the death of me.” Nick ripped his hand from Schmidt's grip and glared at him.

“No, Schmidt, you don't get to compare what Jess and I had to what you and Cece had!” He stood up and started pacing. “Jess is the goddamn love of my life and I'm so, so fucking stupid!” He pulled at his hair in frustration. He turned to Winston. “Winnie, if Jess and I promise to try and act like friends again, can we both continue to live here?”

Winston started to shake his head, and Nick waited impatiently. “Nick, you could always move into the apartment across the hall. I mean, Schmidt could give you a good rent deal?”

Nick barked out a sarcastic laugh and Schmidt paled. “Winston, you know I can't ask those hotties across the hall to move out, they've only just got here. Remember how much time it took to get all their stuff up here?”

Coach turned to Nick and eyed him warily. “Nick, why do you want to keep living here? What happened to not dealing with exes, burning them swiftly and giving their ashes to Poseidon?”

Nick sighed deeply and looked around at his three friends. “Look, I'll level with you, Jess is not just an ex, okay? She is my best friend, too. And, I know that if I move out or she moves out, we will never be friends again. Ever. We will drift apart and I'll be that old man who's sad and weird and I'll be yelling at the kids to stop running across my lawn cause my life is full of regret!”

Winston, visibly startled by Nick's rant, picked up Nick's bowl and carried it to the sink. Coach was confused. “Where did that come from?”

“It came from Jess, like all of my weird rants!” Nick ran his hands through his hair again. “Guys, I'm asking you right now, please just give me and Jess some time to try and get back to a friendship stage again. It won't be for long. I'll sleep on the living room couch, or Jess can come back and sleep on the other side of my burned bed, we'll think of something.” Nick knew he was winning. He could see Schmidt's resigned face and knew he had won. _I just need some time to win her back. Just a few months and we'll be laughing about this weird blip in our shared history._

\--

Nick's foot tapped on the floor of Dr. Elton's office as he recounted his and Jess's first break-up. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger. “So, you continued to live in the same apartment?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah, we both became friends again. Not like it used to be, but it was nice to have that bit of normal, I suppose.”

“And, how long was it until you got back together again?” Dr. Elton scratched his nose with the end of his pen and continued to take notes.

“Almost three years...” Nick reached out and took a gulp of water. “Even when she had met Ryan, who was completly perfect for her in every way that I wasn't at that time, we still continued to live in the loft with the guys.” He leaned back slightly in his chair. “Ryan moved back to England to accept his dream job and I was there for her, but she only watched Dirty Dancing once after they broke up, and I could never understand why. It was only years later that I realized it was because she wasn't ready to really let me go.”

Dr. Elton smiled. “That must have been a boost to your ego.”

Nick nodded. “It was, but at the time, I was just so frustrated with her. I mean, we broke up because I wasn't fully functioning as an adult, and she just wanted me to be more responsible, but she had all of that handed to her on a platter, and she still wouldn't go with him.” Nick shook his head slowly. “I spent so many months waiting for her to uncall it, to realize that she had made a mistake. When Schmidt and I became part owners of the bar, I felt that was a good start. And, when I went to try and talk to her when we were in Portland for her dad's wedding, I was hoping to maybe make her see how much I had grown, and how I was making those grown up moves, but she was just so upset about her break up with Ryan that I didn't even try.”

Nick fiddled with the coin in his hands, tossing it from palm to palm. “I mean, how could I ever have compared to a school principal with an adorable English accent and a charming smile? Even Coach loved him, and from what I've heard, is still in regular contact with him.”

Dr. Elton paused, resting his elbows gently on the desk in front of him. “So, what made you realize that you were meant to be together?”

Nick looked up, surprised by the question. He thought for a moment, before saying, slowly, “I realized that I was ready to settle down, get married and have children when Jess was sequestered on jury duty. She was gone for six weeks, and the person who was subletting her room was Reagan, who I told you about before. When she was gone, it felt like there was a hole in my chest, and I did some pretty stupid things. I pursued Reagan as a way of distracting myself, and I almost slept with her...in Jess's bed, which would have been the end of ol' Nick Miller. I would have just been Walt 2.0 then.”

Dr. Elton encouraged him to take his time and poured him another glass of water.

“Jess decided to get back together with her ex, Dr. Sam.” Nick made a face. “He and I didn't like each other, cause I kissed her while they were together. Ended their relationship. It felt pretty fantastic. And, I was so angry with her, because I kept thinking, why don't I get a second chance?” He straightened in his chair and put his hands on his knees. “She and Sam broke up again, I went to New Orleans with Reagan, and I spent my entire trip writing a book about how Jess is the most important person in my life.” He laughed and blew out a breath.

“Wow, and how did Reagan take that?” Dr. Elton smiled and continued to write.

“She never read it!” Nick grinned. “Jess was always it for me. I went through the motions with Reagan because I thought the door was closed forever. And, then Schmidt told me she was moving out, and I couldn't let that happen.” He remembers the feeling of panic and closed his eyes. “I couldn't just let her leave, not when the only reason we continued to live together was so that we didn't lose each other.”

“Nick, can I ask you, does Jess do anything that really makes you mad?” Dr. Elton tapped his pen on the desk as he awaited Nick's answer.

“Yeah, she does. Well, did.” Nick took a sip of water. “She meddles. She can be bossy. She's sometimes a bit judgmental. She won't let anything go when she sets her mind to it. She once violated a restraining order just because she wanted to apologize for something. She's sometimes so annoying that I just want to scream at her.”

Dr. Elton nodded and smiled. “So, why Jess?” he asked.

Nick laughed. “Because she meddles. She's bossy and a bit judgmental. But, she's a sweetheart. She cares so much and she only does all of that for people that she loves. She just needs someone like me to bring her back to earth. And, I need someone like her to stop me from throwing my life away. She's the kind of girl a guy would open a bank account and grow up for.” Nick rubbed a thumb over the coin in his hand. “And, even when we weren't together romantically, she never gave up on me. She encouraged me and wanted me to be happy and supported me through so much.”

“I think that's all the time we have for today, Nick.” Dr. Elton closed his notepad and stood. Nick held out his hand to shake. “Are you all ready for your reading tomorrow?”

Nick shook his head. “Not quite. I'm still trying to work out which part of my book to read. I want this one to sell well, because it's the other side of the coin.” He held out the quarter and showed it to the psychiatrist's curious gaze. “The other side of the Pepperwood and Jess coin. All of Jessica Knight's thoughts and fears about Pepperwood. What was going through her mind after all the mistakes he's made and all the mistakes that she made. If they had just talked to each other instead of jumping through hoops pretending to be okay, they would have gotten together much sooner.”

Pocketing the coin, Nick stepped out of the office and pulled his phone out. Merle answered gruffly, Nick. Have you finally made a decision?”

Nick grinned and said, “That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Merle. I know exactly what I want to read tomorrow. Can I come by and discuss it?”

\--

Nick sang along with the radio on the way home. Now that his reading was taken care of, he could relax and go with the flow for the rest of the day.

As he turned the key in the lock, he heard the strains of AC/DC's _You Shook Me All Night Long_ emanating from the living room. Jess and Reggie were in full-on dancing mode, with Jess belting out the lyrics with her wonderful, smoky voice. Mitch was sitting on the couch, clapping his hands and laughing at his brother's antics. Nick could see that he was wearing his sparkle shirt and leaned over the back of the couch to scoop him up. Mitch squealed out giggles as Nick tickled him and tossed him back. Jumping over the couch, he settled himself in.

Jess span around at the sound of the squeals and grinned widely. “Hey, I didn't hear you come in!” She sat in his lap and pecked him on the lips. “There's dinner in the oven for you. How did today go?”

Reggie was still rocking out, fist pumping the air and grinning like a maniac. “Did you tell Merle to go to hell?”

Jess startled and turned to her eldest son. “Reginald VelJohnson Miller, what did you just say?” She put her hands on her hips and threw him a stern glare.

“Sorry, Ma, but that's what Dad said this morning!” Reggie held up his hands in acquiescence.

Jess turned to Nick, who had the decency to look ashamed of himself. “I may have said something along those lines. Sorry, Sergeant, it won't happen again!” Jess patted him on the cheek and pulled him to his feet.

“I'm willing to overlook it, just don't let it happen again. Reggie, don't repeat everything your Dad says, it's not always safe for children to be hearing.” Jess led Nick to the kitchen where she took the plate of meatloaf and potatoes out of the oven. Nick tucked in and settled in to hear about Jess's day. She and the boys were not back in school until Monday, and Nick was glad to hear that they had gone to visit Tran.

“He's so proud of you. He said to say good luck for tomorrow. And, he loved the hat you got him, he wouldn't take it off.” She pulled a beer from the fridge and set it beside him. “So, are you ready?”

Nick pulled her down on his lap again and nodded. “Yeah, I have it all figured out. It's gonna be great.”

Jess pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up a text message. “Hey, I meant to ask you this morning, why is Schmidt in your bad books? Cece tells me he's been moping about the house since they got back from New York.”

Nick swallowed his beer and played with Jess's hair. “He heard me talking to Sadie on the phone and jumped to the conclusion that I was cheating on you with Reagan.”

Jess turned to face him and he braced himself. But, instead of being angry, she just belly-laughed, removing her glasses and wiping the tears from her eyes. “Did he get hit in the head?” she stammered out. “As if you would ever cheat on me!”

Nick was shocked. He held her tighter and nodded his agreement. “Like you could ever get away with it if you tried. It'd be like trying to sleep beside a running faucet!” Nick grinned and kissed her.

“Why would I ever want to try? I have everything I need right here, Jessica.” She ran her hands through his hair and down to his cheek. “He was an idiot, and he made me doubt myself...but I'm feeling better about it now.”

Jess asked, “Is that why you were worrying on Christmas Eve? Nick, I know you wouldn't ever do that, you know that, right?”

Nick inhaled the scent of her hair and nodded. “Yeah, I know. Hey, why don't you go pick a movie? I'll wash up and take Mario out to poop.”

Jess stood up, kissed the top of his head, and smiled. “How about Dirty Dancing? It's been a while.” She shot him a cheeky grin and as she got to the kitchen door, she said, “I pressed your suit and shirt for tomorrow, by the way, they're on the closet door.”

Nick pulled on the yellow rubber gloves to do the dishes and hummed _(I've Had) The Time Of My Life_ under his breath as he worked. _Jessica Miller, always anticipating my every need before I even have time to realize it. That's why Jessica Day, Dr. Elton That's why._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year. May 2021 bring us all health, happiness and freedom from COVID-19.


	25. Can't Hide The Way It Makes Us Glow

Cece was pulled from sleep suddenly to the sound of her phone buzzing on her bedside table. She felt Schmidt stir slightly beside her and she sighed. _Hell, can't I just have one Saturday morning??!_

She slipped out of bed and grabbed Schmidt's kimono from the back of the chair. She yawned as she slipped out of her bedroom and padded softly down the stairs to the kitchen. She retrieved her Bluetooth earpiece from her purse and switched on the coffee maker. _I'll be damned if I'm taking any calls before caffeine!_

Mug of coffee firmly in hand, she ran her hands through her hair. “Congratulations, Cecelia, you've made it to another New Year,” she murmured, saluting her reflection and making her way to her office. She fingered the sign on the door, which still proudly proclaimed the room **Cece's Boys**. She hadn't bothered to change it after the merger. This was her sanctuary, and every time she walked through that door, it reminded her of everything she had achieved: a business degree in her late 30's, her own modelling agency, and now she was a partner in a hugely successful conglomerate agency which allowed her to travel worldwide. She had a wonderful husband and two perfect, amazing children. _So, why am I struggling so much with all of this?_

She sat at her desk and eyed the photographs lined up at the edge. One of her and Schmidt taken on the roof of the loft on their wedding night, both of them beaming proudly. A family portrait of her, Schmidt, Ruth and Moses taken in Calabasas at Schmidt's dad's winery, the sunlight glinting off of their hair. She looked so relaxed and happy, not tired and stressed as she knew she looked now. She looked up at the wall to see the copy of the “family portrait” from the newspaper, taken after they had been rescued from the cabin on the cruise ship. She had kept it because it was incredibly obvious that she was checking Schmidt out, even if she wouldn't admit it at the time. The last photos were her favourites. The first was a picture of her and Jess, taken on their first day of high school. They were pulling funny faces and goofing for the camera, the flash bouncing off of their glasses. The second was of her, Winston and Furguson, taken on Winston's wedding day. She had been Winston's groomswoman, and Winston looked so incredibly happy and had been so emotional on the day that Cece had barely kept it together herself.

She was pulled from her reverie at the sound of her phone ringing again. Sighing, she adjusted her headset and answered. “This better be good, Anton, it's my day off.”

Anton, her assistant, audibly swallowed and Cece felt bad for shouting. She was about to apologize when he began. She listened as he described a crisis with one of her Russians, a stunningly beautiful, absolutely bat-shit crazy girl called Olga. She sighed.

“Okay, let me stop you there. Here's what I want you to do.” She took a sip of her coffee and drummed her fingers on the desk. “I want you to call Nadia McFerrin, she's the only person I trust when it comes to the crazy Russian models, probably because she is a crazy Russian ex-model.” Cece shook her head as she remembered living with Nadia. She had hired her as a handler for Cece's Boys and she was extremely good at her job. “When you have done that, I need you to inform everyone that I am on vacation for the next 72 hours. I will see you on Wednesday for the Elle meeting. Anton, that means no phone calls, no emails, no contact whatsoever. Let the boys handle their shit for a change.”

She could hear Anton furiously taking notes. “Anton, when you have done that, please take some time off. If I'm not there, you shouldn't be either.” She could hear him breathe a sigh of relief and she smiled. “Got any weekend plans?” she asked.

“Well, my boyfriend has tickets to the theater, and I suppose I'm now free to go, so thank you for that. I might just be able to stave off a break-up for another few days!” he said brightly. “How about you? I don't see anything on your calendar?”

Cece raised her eyebrows slightly, glad Anton couldn't see her. “Oh, I'm having breakfast with my family and then I'm going to see my brother-in-law read at a literature festival this afternoon. Anton, I'm serious, hand over to Nadia and then go home.” She was just about to hang up when she said quickly, “Oh, and if her husband Robby answers, tell him Cece's calling in a favor. He'll know what I'm talking about.”

\--

Schmidt reached out a hand sleepily and was met, once again, with an empty bed. He groaned and swore under his breath. He sat up, lifted up his cashmere eyemask and rubbed his eyes. He reached across to his bedside table and switched off his white noise mix. The sound of waves lapping the shore was replaced with silence. He stole a glance at Cece's alarm clock and saw that it was 9am.

He stumbled slightly over a pair of Moses's shoes on the way to the bathroom. _That boy has inherited that...slovenliness... from his mother._ He kicked them out of the way and hurried to the bathroom mirror to complete his morning moisturising routine. When he had finished, he walked towards the stairs. Ruth's door was open and he could see her lying on her bed, with Moses's head in her lap as she read him a story. Schmidt smiled. “Good morning, you two. I'm about to get started on breakfast, how does pancakes and juice sound?” He ruffled Moses's hair and kissed Ruth lightly on the forehead.

Ruth looked up from the page. “Sounds good. Mom's in the kitchen, she's dancing and singing, do you think she's alright?” Shr wrinkled her nose.

Schmidt looked at his daughter in surprise. “Seriously? I would have thought she was working by now.” He grinned and leaped down the stairs two at a time, calling back over his shoulder as he went, “Moses, if you want pancakes, put your shoes away, do you know how many people trip over shoes and die every year?”

“Dad, you sound like Grandma Louise!” his son yelled back and Schmidt shuddered. He really did sound like his mother, and that thought was not a pleasant one. He walked into the kitchen to find that his daughter was correct. Cece was spinning around the kitchen with her earbuds in, pulling fruit and yoghurt out of the refrigerator. She was wearing his kimono, her long legs stunning as she moved.

Schmidt tiptoed up behind her and threw his hands around her. He hoisted her off of her feet and she gave a little scream. “Schmidt, you scared the crap out of me,” she wheezed, as he swung her around to face him. He kissed her and smiled broadly.

“Well, I woke up to find my bed empty of one Mrs. Schmidt and then I come in here to find her enjoying herself for a change,” Schmidt teased, running a hand down her cheek.

Cece smiled wickedly and mussed his carefully styled hair. He let out an annoyed grunt but didn't attempt to fix it. “Sorry, Anton called.” She put her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “And, I told him that I'm not to be disturbed until Wednesday.” She grinned as he whooped, throwing his hands in the air.

“You mean, we have Monday and Tuesday together, child free?” he asked, incredulous. _What has gotten into her?_ he thought.

Cece nodded enthusiastically and then bit her lip. “Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I was maybe considering taking a sabbatical?”

Schmidt raised his eyebrows and looked into her eyes. “Wait, are you sure?” He knew that she had been feeling pressure at work, but this was serious. She nodded again and then sighed.

“It's burning me out, Schmidt. I'm in danger of completely losing it.” Schmidt sat her down at the table and pulled her feet into his lap. “Do you think we can live on what we make at the bar for a few months? Nick already told me I could have my old job back, for as long as I needed it.”

Schmidt was once again surprised. “You've been thinking a lot about this, haven't you?” He knew that if she had willingly gone to Nick with her problems, then she was completely serious. “Honey, I will personally live on the cheap deli meat and switch to the cheaper hair chut-e-ney if it means you'll be happy. That's all I want. And, I know that Ruth and Moses will also be really excited to spend some more time with you.”

Cece clapped her hands together and said, “Well, I'm gonna think about it some more, but we better hurry up and get this breakfast started, or we're gonna be late for Nick's reading, and I want to get there early so we can get good seats! We could barely even hear him last time!”

\--

Nick fidgeted with his watch for the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. “Jess, where are my keys?” he called through the bathroom door. “They're not in the key bowl.”

He could hear Jess huff a sigh as she called back, “Check the front pocket of the jacket you were wearing yesterday. I put it in the hallway closet before we watched the movie last night.”

Nick nodded. Jess had been in the bathroom for the last forty minutes, and he was getting impatient. _I'll never understand women. Why does it take so long for them to get ready? Isn't she beautiful enough?_ He plodded down the stairs, adjusting his tie as he went. He pulled his cue cards out of his blazer pocket and looked them over. He had read in front of so many people so many times, but this was different. He was getting up in front of hundreds of Pepperwood fans and trying to convince them that Jessica Knight was just as important. He opened the closet door and rifled through his jacket pockets. He pulled out his keys and blew out a relieved sigh.

He stepped into the living room, where Reggie was watching an old soccer game on ESPN and Mitch was bouncing on the armchair. He grabbed Mitch before Jess could walk in and see him, plopped down and settled the boy on his lap. “Mitch, what have we said about you bouncing on the furniture?”

Mitch looked up and shouted, “True American only!” Nick nodded approvingly and pulled a hairbrush through his son's curls.

“That's right! Reggie, come here so I can tie your shoelaces.” Reggie walked over, his eyes never leaving the TV. Nick sat forward, moving Mitch to the floor, and laced up Reggie's sneakers. “Hey, you keep staring at that TV, your eyes will turn square.”

Reggie looked away alarmed. “Really?” He flipped the TV off and ran to the hall mirror. “Dad, is that true?”

Nick laughed under his breath and nodded solemnly. “Yup, why do you think Uncle Jamie looks like that?” Reggie stared back horrified and ran upstairs. Nick called after him, “The only way to fix it is if you eat your veggies and read lots of books, Butthead.”

“Hey, it's Captain Butthead!” Reggie called back and Nick grinned. _Whoever says that being a parent is hard is an idiot._

Mitch stuck his thumb in his mouth and climbed back into Nick's lap. “Hey, everything alright, Mitch?”

Mitch nodded and Nick cuddled him close. _Not long left that I can still get cuddles unprovoked,_ he thought. Mitch removed his thumb and jumped off his dad's lap. “Super Fartface to the rescue!!” he called as he raced for the stairs.

Nick ran a hand over his stubble and looked over his notes again. He was so absorbed in his task that he failed to hear Jess enter the room. She sat on the couch and adjusted her tights. Nick smiled and came to sit beside her.

“Hey, you look lovely!” he told her, drawing her close for a kiss. He caught a whiff of her perfume and toothpaste.

“Thank you. That blazer looks really good on you. Is it one of Schmidt's?” she asked. She pulled a pair of yellow flats from under the couch and Nick laughed as she adjusted his tie so that it was perfectly knotted.

“It was one of Schmidt's. He told me that if I could fit into it, I could keep it, so I did.” He stood up and twirled proudly. “It's not a trenchcoat, but it'll do.”

“You mean, it's not a _woman's_ trenchcoat?” Jess giggled and sighed contentedly. “Do you ever think about what might have been if you hadn't stolen that woman's trenchcoat, put it on and kissed me that night?”

Nick shook his head. “Nope, you know why?” Jess shook her head and he continued. “Because I was always going to kiss you, maybe not that night, but I would have worked up the courage to do it eventually.” He squeezed her knee and kissed her again. “Besides, you wanted me to kiss you. You would have gone for it if I hadn't.”

Jess nodded and quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, you know something, Miller? You could be a detective.” She placed her shoes on her feet and pulled on a matching cardigan. “I love you.”

“Really, Miller? Like a certain ex-cop, ex-marine PI?” He placed his hands in his pockets and pulled out the coin. “For the record, I love you, too.” He tossed it to her and she fingered the second date on it's surface. She handed it back, took his hand and called out to the boys.

“Did you find your keys?” she asked as they made their way to the car.

Nick nodded and jingled the keys in his hand. “You were right, as always.” He kissed her temple and locked the door of Mars Landing behind them.

\--

“Cece, Schmidt, over here!” Jess caught sight of Cece's sleek bob and Schmidt's Italian leather loafers and aviator sunglasses and grinned. “My, don't they look fancy?” Aly, who was in the seat next to her, laughed under her breath and waved to the approaching couple. Ruth and Moses had quickly made their way to sit on the ground next to Mitch, Reggie and Junior, who were poring over the new books they had bought.

Jess kissed Cece on the cheek as she took the seat beside her. Schmidt hugged her close and whispered, “Hey, is Nick still pissed at me?”

Jess shook her head and murmured back, “I don't think so. He's cooled off, maybe buy him a beer later. He's not one to hold a grudge for very long.” Schmidt arched an eyebrow. “Anymore. Besides, you're hardly one to talk, Winston Schmidt. I'm pretty sure you still haven't forgiven me for making out with your dad that one time.”

Schmidt recoiled in horror and Ruth gazed at Jessica with wide eyes. “Ew, Aunt Jess, you and Grandpa Gavin kissed?” Cece rolled her eyes as Jess blushed slightly and nodded. Ruth shrieked and collapsed into giggles at her father's feet. “That's so gross!!”

“Well, I'm sorry, Jessica, but I cannot possibly forgive you for corrupting my familial relations with my dad. He was trying to hit on you at that last Thanksgiving at the loft, too. Why must my father be so sexual??” Schmidt threw his hands up in the air, exasperatedly. Several of the other people who had gathered shot him an annoyed look and Cece leaned over to squeeze his arm reassuringly.

“Hey, babe, maybe save it for the afterparty, alright? There are lots of Pepperheads here, and you're kinda giving off a Schmith vibe right now.” He nodded and deflated slightly. Cece looked around her and asked Aly, “Hey, where's Winston and the rest of your kids?”

Aly and Jess exchanged glances and Aly pointed over to a group of people surrounding her husband and children. DanBill was holding out a measuring tape and laughing at something one of the other kids said. “He's over there, signing autographs and posing for photos like a damn celebrity.” She rolled her eyes. “I wish people would stop encouraging him. Honestly, he didn't even write the damn book about measuring. Nick just named the character after him.”

Schmidt laughed and whipped out his phone. “This is definitely one for my social medias.” He snapped a picture and sent it to Winston, who checked his phone, looked over at Schmidt and stuck his tongue out. “And, Aly, I'll have you know that Nick taught Winston how to read a ruler. That book is based on fact.”

Aly put her hand to her heart. “Aw, when they were kids in Chicago? Winston never told me that.”

Jess rolled her eyes and patted Aly on the knee. “Nope, when he was 34 years old. Coach and I went away to a teacher's conference and Nick taught Schmidt how to do laundry and Winston how to read a ruler.” Aly stared at her in disbelief and Cece nodded at her. The women burst into a fit of giggles. Jess almost dropped the stack of free bookmarks she had acquired and reached under her chair to put them in her purse.

She pulled out her cellphone and sent a quick text to Nick.

**You're going to be great! We're all right here in the front row. I believe in you, and even if you mess up, I will always love you. :-)**

A murmur rippled through the crowd as Merle stepped up to the podium. There were about three hundred people crowded into the seats behind Jess. She could see a lot of trenchcoats and polka dots and smiled. She knew, right from Nick's very first reading, that Pepperwood would be a success and she felt a surge of pride as Merle began to speak.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Merle Streep, and I'm from ParkBench Press, the YA publishing house responsible for such titles as The Bitch Witches and Agent Isosceles.” There was a smattering of applause and cheers. “I'm very proud to announce that today we have a very successful writer here to read to you from his upcoming novel. Everyone, please put your hands together for author of the Pepperwood Chronicles, Nick Miller.”

There was a loud applause and several whoops from the audience as Nick strolled out onto the stage and shook Merle's hand. He stood up to the podium, took a gulp of water from the bottle beside him and pulled out a stack of cue cards from his blazer pocket. He smiled as Winston and the Bishop kids raced over and took their seats, just in time. Jess flashed him a smile and gave him a double thumbs up.

“Hi, everyone. As Merle so very grandly introduced me, my name is Nick Miller. And, I've been asked today to read to you from my latest Pepperwood novel, Midday Moon, which is a retelling of the first Pepperwood novel from the point of view of his gal Friday, Jessica Knight.” There was further applause and Nick paused, waiting for it to pass. Jess beamed up at him. “But, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm not going to be doing that today.”

Jess frowned slightly. There were a few gasps and mutters from the people around her. Cece and Aly both gave her surprised looks and Schmidt, who was in the middle of taking a gulp of coffee from his travel mug, lapsed into a coughing fit. She could see Nick glance quickly in Schmidt's direction before fixing his gaze on her. He smiled broadly and continued.

“Instead, I'm going to talk to you guys today about the character of Jessica Knight, about why she is so important to the Pepperwood story, and about the person who inspired it all, my wife, the wonderful Jessica Day-Miller. I hope that when I am finished, you will all see why Pepperwood loves and needs Jessica, and why I love and need my Jessica.” Jess gazed up at Nick, stunned. _Is this what he's been working on? Is he really going to do this now?_ she wondered. She raised her eyebrows and Nick just shrugged and smiled, and she relaxed. Nick knew exactly what he was doing. She trusted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting and for all the kudos. The next chapter will be the final chapter, and there will be an epilogue after that. Stay Safe and Happy New Year!


End file.
